Ten time tripping trends from the eighth dimension still remain, and as much as we’d like to assume that string theorists aren’t right and that those dimensions don’t all curl up and trap LOLCat in a box, we can’t. Thus, we must continue to follow the lead of the MythBusters and attack each claim made by the futurists, who are so deeply despised by LOLCat, one by one.

So why do so many historians identify The Cloud, which, to be blunt, has to be the single biggest piece of marketing malarkey of the past decade, as a future trend? Is it because they are dumb enough to believe that anything repeated enough times must be true? I don’t know, but I do know that:

• computing is becoming ubiquitous

  and just about anything that can have a microprocessor shoved into it has one

• on-demand computing can be bought with a credit card

  and can be bought from the same online store that you buy your books, clothes, and groceries from

• cloud marketing is ubiquitous

  and even Oracle was crushed under the weight of the cloud craze and eventually buckled to the trend

So what does this mean?

Computing is not the Problem, Modelling is

These days, the average person has more computing power in her smartphone than she knows what to do with. Because so much computing power is wasted on unnecessary graphics and very poor algorithms, she may not know it, but the dual-core 1.4 GHz Apple A8 processor in your iPhone 6 with over 2 billion transistors can process hundreds of billions of instructions per second. This is 100 times faster than the first Pentium that revolutionized Procurement!

Computing is not expensive, Mindsets are

Computing used to be expensive, but it’s not anymore. You don’t need expensive Sun, IBM, or HP racks for most day-to-day business processing, and you certainly don’t need expensive machines for high-power computing. Remember, analysis and optimization is running data sets and models over and over again until you find a result. If you burn out a core, you can just buy a new one. The only place you really need to invest in redundancy and reliability is in the SAN (Storage Area Network) — you need multiple backups of raw data — not of temporary data sets.

Many Marketers are Morons, or, at the very least, think we are

The cloud is as vacuous as the real thing. It’s all about access to the software you need when you need it, not what you call it or where the application is hosted (and whomever is cutting the cheque should know where it is hosted). If you want to buy infrastructure as a service, with all the pros and cons, go for it. But it’s the applications and what you need to do with them that matters.