I would say that you approach them with caution
You should not let them overwhelm you with cheer
Pays to know what you’ll find
To understand their kind
’round here

Drawing their lines,
they look so radical
Tracking their curves
I get so lacrimal
Something deep down reveals they’re tragical

I think I’ve had enough …

It’s a strange alphabet
That’s what I know
But it’s a strange alphabet
We’ve got to follow …

Seventeen years ago I explained the whole numbers. Steve Martin explained the alphabet (but not the Procurement alphabet), and who better to explain the whole numbers than a trained mathematician.

But lately I’m seeing a lot of glossaries and “complete sourcing/procurement guides” that are anything but … so I thought I’d fill in a few basics for you …

A is for Analyst, who pretends to understand
B is for Buyer, with cash in hand
C is for Contractor, lost in Legal land
D is for DEI, now on the witness stand

E is for Equity, where can it be found
F is for Finance, who pay by the pound
G is for Goods, which make the supply chain go round
H is for Hedge, on currencies sound

I is for Insight, desperately needed
J is for Jazz, the hope has been seeded
K is for Kanban, its use exceeded
L is for Legal, its advice unheeded

M is for MRP, technology ancient
N is for Negotiate, done in plainchant

O is for Onboard, suppliers aplenty
P is for Purchase, multiples of twenty
Q is for Quality, often absent-ee
R is for RFX, created by cognoscenti

S is for Supply, critical to success
T is for Tariff, always assessed
U is for UNSPSC, classification coalesced
V is for Vendor, marketing obsessed

W is for Warranty, never enough
X is for Xennial, weary and gruff
Y is for Yardmaster, full of chuff
Z is for Zealotry, Procurement tough

… just to make it clear that the depth and breadth of the space is well beyond what a short glossary or guide can ever hope to address. The Procurement alphabet is not a character alphabet, or even a phonetic or syllabic writing system, it’s a logographic one. One that takes years, if not decades to fully master with all of its global dialects.

But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try.