Author Archives: thedoctor

TP Doesn’t Cure the Flu (which includes COVID-19)!

Have you forgotten the American flu cure that Trey Parker and Mat Stone shared with you on April 30, 2003 when you were all scared of SARS because “only 98% of you would be left“???

As clearly pointed out in this wikipedia entry, which summarizes the appropriate South Park episode, its’:

  • Campbell’s Chicken Noodle Soup
  • DayQuil
  • Sprite

Now go forth and clear the shelves!

(But give the rest of us five minutes to buy stock in Campbell’s, Vicks, and the Coca-Cola Company first.)

Ode to COVID-19

it’s just a fuckin’ flu
it’s not going to kill you
(unless you’re very young, old, or immuno-deficient
… but then just maybe)

after all it’s here to stay
it ain’t ever going away
(it’s the fifth strain of the flu
and it will be back next year, baby)

so get on with your life
and don’t avoid your wife
(even though it’s a good excuse,
just trust me on this one)

and stop buying TP!
it doesn’t make you shit or pee
(it’s just fever and a cough
and two weeks of rest and it’s done)

which is very very great
because for containment* it’s too late
(as it’s been asymptomatically spreading
far too long to be contained)

so unless you’ll scorch the planet
please don’t panic ’bout this pandemic
(just be careful and sane
wash your hands and use your brain)

but if worried you doth be
eat raw onions and red meat
(they’re high in C and zinc
but please don’t eat meat pink# )

the calm they will survive
(it’s stress that eats you alive)
and life it will go on
(even though I end this song)

So, in simple terms, DON’T PANIC!**

# it can cause salmonella, and that will make you shit!

* At this point, the only containment strategy that’s workable is if we quarantine all the uninfected infants with their healthy caregivers, all the at risk elderly, and all the at risk immuno-deficient people (and include those with respiratory disorders) in private homes or hospitals so those at risk of death do NOT get it and just let COVID-19 take it’s natural course and spread like wildfire [like the Spanish Flu did 102 years ago] among the rest of us.

Once the rest of us are exposed, either we will fight it off right away (through natural immunities) and not get sick at all [like all the individuals who have asymptomatically spread it and given us patients zero all over the world with no way to tell how they got it], or we will develop an immunity post-infection. [Of course, this is predicated on their being enough flu medications to treat the hundreds of millions of people who will get it and enough health care and delivery professionals to make residential drop offs as a) the health care systems couldn’t handle so many sick people and b) we want the hospitals to quarantine the uninfected individuals who aren’t strong enough to fight off the flu.  But if 1/4 of the population is home in bed, there should be less fires, crimes, and war and we can redeploy our protectors to make doorstep deliveries on their routes.

In other words, we have to stop talking about containment (where it’s already too late in most places) and start talking about ongoing management and getting on with our lives. We need to ramp up production of treatments 24*7, start working on the vaccine TODAY (now that the virus has been isolated), and make sure that we bring common sense back when we get sick (and stay home — which also means companies need to either let people work remote more when they are sick, but not sick enough to not work at all) or, if that’s not possible, payout sick days until this passes.

** After all, no one’s about to blow up the planet to make a new hyperspace motorway!

Twenty One More Things That Will Kill More People Today than COVID-19

In yesterday’s post, dedicated to all the Chicken Littles and Ostriches who are either running around like a chicken with their head cut off or just burying it in the sand, we pointed out EIGHT (8) things (way) more likely to kill you today than COVID-19. Today we’re going to point out 21 more things. Now, if every single person in the world contracted COVID-19 (which is really not likely giving the infection severity to historical pandemics), we will admit that things could be really bad, but as long as sanity (and not the mass hysteria perpetrated by the media prevails), the likelihood of that happening is small and the best thing to do is what first world countries are doing — “quarantine” the hot zones, check people entering or leaving borders or areas near hot zones that display the appropriate symptoms for COVID-19 (which goes beyond temperature, as dozens of maladies can affect your temperature), do the same in hospitals, and employ old fashioned common sense.

Over on Spend Matters, the prophet asked us to retain sanity and stand by our brothers and sisters trying to persevere through these hard times, and we have to thank him for that. We’d like to call out and give props to ProcureCon Indirect Europe 2020 in Berlin for staying sane (they aren’t in a hot zone) and moving forward with the appropriate levels of precaution. This is what SI believes most events and operations far enough from hot zones should do — take precautions, move ahead, and offer web streaming for the small percentage of people who might not be able to come or might not want to come given their risk tolerance. Yes, events might be smaller this year, but it’s important to show support so that they can be even bigger and better when this is all over. And while those who can’t attend won’t get the personal interaction, nothing is to stop the vendors from holding a few smaller half day to day events in select locations to add the one component that doesn’t translate as well over web conference. (And since most venues allow for some increase/decrease in size without much penalty with smart negotiation, as the vendors that push forward won’t be absorbing a huge loss, they should be able to afford to invest more in enabling their customers to grow professionally without as much travel.)

Anyway, to help you put things in perspective, as of now, here are 21 more things more likely to kill you today (based on average daily death rate)!

Respiratory Diseases & Lower Respiratory Infections 17,500
Dementia 6,750
Digestive Diseases 6,500
Neonatal Diseases 4,750
Diarrheal Diseases 4,250
Liver Diseases 3,500
Road Injuries 3,250
Kidney Disease 3,250
Tuberculosis 3,000
Nutritional Deficiencies / Malnutrition (Hunger / Starvation) 1,600
HIV/AIDS 2,500
Parkinson’s Disease 900
Drowning 800
Meningitis 750
Alcoholism 500
Drug Addiction 450
Conflict (War) 350
Hepatitis 300
Fire 300
Poisonings 200
Extreme Temperature Exposure 150

And, as a bonus, we will remind you that you are still more likely, as of now, to die from a:


So again, if you really gotta worry about something, do what I do and worry about a Mother-F*ckin’-Snake on the Mother-F*ckin’-Plane!