Category Archives: humour

Purchasing Blues (Repost)

Editor’s Note: This is a repost of “Summertime Blues”, which was originally posted on June 20, 2009.

Well, it’s time to raise a fuss
and it’s time to raise a holler
About diminishing returns
from the corporate dollar

I just heard from my boss
who governs me
If I don’t save the cash
he’s gonna fire me

Sometimes I wonder
What I’m gonna do
If there ain’t no cure
For the purchasing blues

My CFO he told me to
go beat on the supplier
That his margins must be high
while ours are under water

So I talked to the supplier
he said costs were elevated
He was losing all his money
at the rates we had created

Sometimes I wonder
What I’m gonna do
If there ain’t no cure
For the purchasing blues

So I found a consultant
told her about my problems
And she went and discovered that
the supplier was just stalling

Material costs were falling
and the exchange rate was fair
I had wasted all my time
just pulling out all my hair

Next time I have a problem
I’ll find me a solution
I’ll find a sourcing expert
and get my retribution

No more will I wonder
What I’m gonna do
I’ll find me a cure
For the purchasing blues

Infinite Scroll

Infinite scroll, I just can’t abide.
Infinity is hard to comprehend.
You wouldn’t hear my screams,
Even in your wildest dreams.

Suffocation as I scroll the page.
Scared to load the next site
In case the scroll begins again.
Content changing, it will not fix.
Ever flashing, nightmare’s Styx.
Online haze, when will it end?
And will I transcend?

Restless browse, the mind’s in turmoil!
One nightmare ends another fertile.
Getting to me, too drained to surf.
But scared to leave now, too immersed.

Now that it has reached new heights,
I do not like the restless nights.
It makes me wonder, it makes me think,
How’d we get to this? We’re on the brink!
We should be scared of what’s beyond.
Someday our brains might not respond.
We had an interest almost craving,
but do we want to get too far in?

It can’t be all coincidence!
Too many things are evident.
You tell me you’re an unbeliever.
Technophobic? Well me I’m neither!
But wouldn’t you like to know the truth,
Of what’s beyond, to have the proof!
And find out just where we’re heading’?
Techtopia? Or to Armageddon?

Help me, help me to find
the true path without seeing the future.
Save us, oh save us from
torturing ourselves, unnecessarily.

There’s got to be
More to it than this.
Or tell me why the web exists?
I’d like to think that we evolved,
and our sins have been absolved,
as technology resolved,
limitations of the past
and evolved to the point where it can be grasped!

With many, many apologies to Harris.

And, in case it isn’t totally obvious, the doctor, who has already asked what idiots brought back infinite scrolling websites, would really like to see those idiots tarred and feathered. (If they can bring back infinite scroll, which is where we started back when all we had was HTML 1.0, then we can bring back tar and feathering!)

Fifty-Five Years Ago Today

Theodore H. Maiman operates the first functioning optical (ruby) laser at Hughes Research Laboratories, Malibu, California, and making possible all of the technologies we use on a daily basis including, but not limited to, optical drives, laser printers, barcode scanners, and, most importantly, finer-optics. There would be no modern information technology without the laser, and we’d still be on electronic bulletin boards if we had to still dial up to the internet over copper.

What do you think LOLCats?

Best Invention. Evah!!!