| 1 |
“Once you have their money, you never give it back.” |
| 2 |
“The best deal is the one that makes the most profit.” |
| 3 |
“Never spend more for an acquisition than you have to.” |
| 4 |
“A woman wearing a suit is like a man wearing an apron.” |
| 5 |
“Always exaggerate your estimates.” |
| 6 |
“Never allow family to stand in the way of opportunity.” |
| 7 |
“Always keep your ears open.” |
| 8 |
“Small print leads to large risk.” |
| 9 |
“Opportunity, plus instinct, equals profit.” |
| 10 |
“Greed is eternal.” |
| 11 |
“Even if it’s free, you can always buy it cheaper.” |
| 12 |
“Anything worth selling is worth selling twice.” |
| 13 |
“Anything worth doing is worth doing for money.” |
| 15 |
“Dead men close no deals.” |
| 16 |
“A deal is a deal (is a deal)…until a better one comes along.” |
| 17 |
“A contract is a contract is a contract… but only between fellow MBAs (from the same [secret] society).” |
| 18 |
“An MBA without profit is no MBA at all.” |
| 19 |
“Satisfaction is not guaranteed.” |
| 20 |
“He who dives under the table today lives to profit tomorrow.” |
| 21 |
“Never place friendship before profit.” |
| 22 |
“Wise men can hear profit in the wind.” |
| 23 |
“Nothing is more important than your health…except for your money.” |
| 27 |
“There’s nothing more dangerous than an honest businessman.” |
| 29 |
“What’s in it for me?” |
| 30 |
“A wise man knows that confidentiality equals profit.” |
| 31 |
“Never make fun of an MBA’s mother.” |
| 32 |
“Insult something the customer cares about.” |
| 33 |
“It never hurts to suck up to the boss.” |
| 34 |
“War is good for business.” |
| 35 |
“Peace is good for business.” |
| 37 |
“The early investor reaps the most interest.” |
| 39 |
“Don’t tell customers more than they need to know.” |
| 40 |
“She can touch your manhood but never your money.” |
| 41 |
“Profit is its own reward.” |
| 43 |
“Feed your greed, but not enough to choke it.” |
| 44 |
“Never confuse wisdom with luck.” |
| 45 |
“Expand or die.*” |
| 47 |
“Never trust a man wearing a better suit than your own.” |
| 48 |
“The bigger the smile, the sharper the knife.” |
| 52 |
“Never ask when you can take.” |
| 53 |
“Never trust anybody taller than you.” |
| 54 |
“Rate divided by time equals profit.” |
| 55 |
“Take joy from profit, and profit from joy.” |
| 57 |
“Good customers are almost as rare as gold … treasure them.” |
| 58 |
“There is no substitute for success.” |
| 59 |
“Free advice is seldom cheap.” |
| 60 |
“Keep your lies consistent.” |
| 62 |
“The riskier the road, the greater the profit.” |
| 63 |
“Work is the best therapy-at least for your employees.” |
| 65 |
“Win or lose, there’s always cuban cigars.” |
| 66 |
“Someone’s always got a better sense for business.” |
| 69 |
“MBAs are not responsible for the gullibility of others.” |
| 74 |
“Knowledge equals profit.” |
| 75 |
“Home is where the heart is, but the silk road is paved with gold.” |
| 76 |
“Every once in a while, declare peace. It confuses the Hell out of your enemies.” |
| 77 |
“If you break it, I’ll charge you for it!” |
| 79 |
“Beware of the scientist’s greed for knowledge.” |
| 82 |
“The flimsier the product, the higher the price.” |
| 85 |
“Never let the competition know what you’re thinking.” |
| 87 |
“Learn the customer’s weaknesses, so that you can better take advantage of him.” |
| 88 |
“It ain’t over ’til its over.” |
| 89 |
“Ask not what you can do for your profits, but what your profits can do for you.” |
| 92 |
“There are many paths to profit.” |
| 94 |
“Females and finances don’t mix.” |
| 95 |
“Expand or die.*” |
| 97 |
“Enough…is never enough.” |
| 98 |
“Every man has his price.” |
| 99 |
“Trust is the biggest liability of all.” |
| 100 |
“When it’s good for business, tell the truth.” |
| 102 |
“Nature decays, but gold bricks last forever.” |
| 103 |
“Sleep can interfere with … profit!” |
| 104 |
“Faith moves mountains…of inventory.” |
| 106 |
“There is no honor in poverty.” |
| 109 |
“Dignity and an empty sack is worth the sack.” |
| 110 |
“Exploitation begins at home.” |
| 111 |
“Treat people in your debt like family… exploit them.” |
| 112 |
“Never have sex with the boss’ sibling.” |
| 113 |
“Always have sex with the boss.” |
| 121 |
“Everything is for sale – even friendship.” |
| 123 |
“Even a blind man can recognize the glow of gold.” |
| 125 |
“You can’t make a deal if you’re dead.” |
| 135 |
“Listen to secrets, but never repeat them.” |
| 139 |
“Wives serve; brothers inherit.” |
| 141 |
“Only fools pay retail.” |
| 144 |
“There’s nothing wrong with charity… as long as it winds up in your pocket.” |
| 147 |
“People love the bartender.” |
| 153 |
“Sell the sizzle, not the steak.” |
| 162 |
“Even in the worst of times, someone turns a profit.” |
| 168 |
“Whisper your way to success.” |
| 177 |
“Know your enemies … but do business with them always.” |
| 181 |
“Not even dishonesty can tarnish the shine of profit.” |
| 183 |
“When life hands you lemons, make lemonade.” |
| 184 |
“An MBA waits to bid until his opponents have exhausted themselves.” |
| 188 |
“Not even dishonesty can tarnish the shine of profit.” |
| 189 |
“Let others keep their reputation. You keep their money.” |
| 190 |
“Hear all, trust nothing.” |
| 192 |
“Never cheat a War Lord … unless you’re sure you can get away with it.” |
| 193 |
“Trouble comes in threes.” |
| 194 |
“It’s always good business to know about new customers before they walk in your door.” |
| 199 |
“Location, location, location.” |
| 200 |
“An MBA chooses no side but his own” |
| 202 |
“The justification for profit is profit.” |
| 203 |
“New customers are like blowfish. They can be succulent, but sometimes they poison you.” |
| 208 |
“Sometimes, the only thing more dangerous than a question is an answer.” |
| 211 |
“Employees are the rungs on the ladder of success, don’t hesitate to step on them.” |
| 212 |
“A good lie is easier to believe than the truth.” |
| 214 |
“Never begin a business transaction on an empty stomach.” |
| 216 |
“Never gamble with a better poker player.” |
| 217 |
“You can’t free a fish from water.” |
| 218 |
“Always know what you’re buying.” |
| 218b |
“Sometimes what you get free costs entirely too much.” |
| 219 |
“Possession is eleven-tenths of the law!” |
| 223 |
“Beware the man who doesn’t take time for physical pleasure.” |
| 227 |
“If that’s what’s written, then that’s what’s written.” |
| 229 |
“Gold lasts longer than lust.” |
| 235 |
“Duck; death is tall.” |
| 236 |
“You can’t buy fate.” |
| 239 |
“Never be afraid to mislabel a product.” |
| 240 |
“Time, like gold, is a highly limited commodity.” |
| 242 |
“More is good…all is better.” |
| 243 |
“Always leave yourself an out.” |
| 255 |
“A wife is [a] luxury… a smart accountant [is] a necessity.” |
| 257 |
“When the messenger comes to appropriate your profits, kill the messenger.” |
| 261 |
“A wealthy man can afford everything except a conscience.” |
| 263 |
“Never let doubt interfere with your lust for gold.” |
| 266 |
“When in doubt, lie.” |
| 272 |
“Always inspect the merchandise before making a deal.” |
| 280 |
“If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.” |
| 284 |
“Deep down, everyone’s a greedy MBA.” |
| 285 |
“No good deed ever goes unpunished.” |
| ??? |
“Always get somebody else to do the lifting.” |
| ??? |
“Never get into anything that you can’t get out of.” |
| ??? |
“A man is only worth the sum of his possessions.” |
| ??? |
“An angry man is an enemy, and a satisfied man is an ally.” |
| ??? |
“The less employees know about the cash flow, the smaller the share they can demand.” |
| ??? |
“Only a fool passes up a business opportunity.” |
| ??? |
“The more time they take deciding, the more money they will spend.” |