Category Archives: oompa loompa

Hard Times for Oompa Loompas

In my last post on The Cadbury Crunch, I reminded you that Cadbury had recently announced job-cuts in the 7,500 range. In the predecessor post, Confusing Times for Oompa Loompas, I pointed out that Hershey was closing it’s last Canadian factory. This week brought more grim news, Campbell announced it was looking to sell Godiva. These are likely three of the top five chocolate manufacturers in the world. Let’s just hope business goes well for Mars and Nestle, or the enterprising Oompa-Loompas at Lake Forest Confections are going to have to sell an awful lot of boxes of Le Chocolat to make up for the shortfall!

Cadbury gives Oompa Loompas a Bad Name

Last month I reported that Cadbury, who was making grandiose efforts to become synonymous with the color purple was down on its luck and was announcing massive job cuts to try and right the ship. But before you go feeling sorry for the sugary giant (which is the world’s largest confectionary company with revenues of about £7.4b in 2006) and it’s self-reported need for a £650m four-year cost reduction plan, which it is partially blaming on its enterprise rollout of SAP (which caused too many chocolate bars to be produced and forced it to take a £12m hit on profits), it seems that it decided to introduce a new testing system for salmonella last year that allowed “safe” levels of salmonella in its products.

Well, when it comes to salmonella, there are no safe levels when consumables are involved, and that’s why the official guidelines say that there is to be no salmonella in ready-to-eat products. Furthermore, they did this knowing perfectly well that outbreaks of salmonella had been associated with very low levels in chocolate. See, salmonella is a bacteria … a gram-negative enterobacteria to be precise … and, like all bacteria, they have this funny habit of multiplying like mad under the right environmental conditions (which, oddly enough, are provided by the human body). And what did they get for it? A slap on the wrist for potentially exposing thousands and thousands of people to a bacteria that is known to kill at least 600 people a year (as per the CDC) and infect over 40,000.

Salmonella
and you’re to blame
Cadbury, you give oompa loompas
a bad name

Confusing Times for Oompa Loompas

Cadbury is trying to become synonymous with the color purple, dry weather has harmed the development of cocoa crops in West Africa, and this could lead to a global deficit of 145,000 tonnes, and Bioversity International has begun a new project on sustainable and organic farming in a remove area of Nicaragua to improve future yields. This follows recent news that Hershey is closing its last Canadian factory, that they have to compete against individuals selling marijuana-laced chocolate candy, and that they also have to add desert chocolate to their repertoire.

I don’t know how they keep it all straight – but at least we won’t be surprised when we start seeing synthetic marijuana-laced cocoa-free purple chocolate made using 100% sustainable practices.

Tough Times for the Oompa Loompas

Hershey is closing its last Canadian Factory, laying off 580 workers before year’s end, as well as plants in Reading, PA, Naugatuck, CT, and Oakdale, CA. At least in the latter case, maybe a few of the more energetic can go back to school and learn to sling code.

Times must be tough for The Hershey Co., especially since they are launching a suit against Kenneth Affolter for selling marijuana-laced chocolate candy, with names like Stoney Rancher, Rasta Reese’s, and Keef Kat whose packaging was similar to their own, for a mere $100,000 in damages. I find this laughable. I don’t think any one is going to confuse marijuana munchies with plain old candy bars – unless Hershey is planning on launching their own brand of Jamaican Jollies.

More kudos to The Cynical Sourcerer for his enduring efforts to make sure these sugary stories don’t get overlooked!

Desert Chocolate

Although some Oompa-Loompas have forsaken the ways of their forefathers and now blend code instead of chocolate, others still work in the chocolate factory, although it’s not your fathers chocolate they blend these days.

Armed with chemistry, biology, and nutrition expertise, they have developed a new vitamin-packed super form of dark chocolate that will last for years and not melt even in desert heat. Now when you’re vacationing in the South American Jungle, the deserts of Egypt, and on Ayers Rock down Under, you’ll be able to take your chocolate with you – after all, what could you possibly want more in 48C weather under a blazing hot sun?

Kudos to The Cynical Sourcerer for the assist.