Category Archives: humour

Desert Chocolate

Although some Oompa-Loompas have forsaken the ways of their forefathers and now blend code instead of chocolate, others still work in the chocolate although it’s not your fathers chocolate they blend these days.

Armed with chemistry, biology, and nutrition expertise, they have developed a new vitamin-packed super form of dark chocolate that will last for years and not melt even in desert heat. Now when you’re vacationing in the South American Jungle, the deserts of Egypt, and on Ayers Rock down Under, you’ll be able to take your chocolate with you – after all, what could you possibly want more in 48C weather under a blazing hot sun?

Kudos to The Cynical Sourcerer for the assist.

Get Malled in Bangalore

According to CNN (Money), Indians are no longer satisfied with buying Pantaloons from stand-alone retailers and want to buy all sorts of gadgets from western-style shopping malls. Which is understandable, after all, how likely is it that they will get to buy Pantaloons from Christopher Walken? (Don’t get it, Google it or get out more.)

Apparently all our outsourcing in IT and services has led to the rise of a new middle class in India’s Silicon Valley and they have an urge to spend this new found wealth. As a result, developers are going mall crazy and coughing up oodles of cash for mall development. For example, Sobha Developers is spending $250 M on the Sobha Global Mall, a new shopping paradise to be built around a skylighted atrium on 16 acres and include a 13-screen multiplex, food courts, a rooftop disco, a 300 room hotel, and enough parking for 3,400 cars – in a country where only 4.5% of households have a car (even though there are 12 vehicles per 100 people – highlighting the fact that only the super rich own cars and that those that do often own multiple). Furthermore, there are only 1.5M km of paved highways as opposed to 4.2M km of paved highways in the US, despite the fact that India has 1.1B people compared to the United States’ 300B.

Which, of course, leads me to wonder about the wisdom of investing $250M on a one-of-a-kind experience for the shopper. A shopping paradise sounds great, but how likely is it to be profitable when there is a cost of maintaining a huge parking lot in a country where your average citizen cannot afford a car and where those that can don’t have the roads to drive on? And how profitable is the food court going to be with brand names such as Burger King and Taco Bell in a country where most of the citizens do not eat beef? Maybe they’re planning for the future, like 2020 when the average Indian income will be four times what it is today. But that’s a long time to wait for a return. Makes you wonder.

Have you checked your French Stereotypes lately?

The classic stereotypes of slim suave beret-adorned Pierre, arrogant in his self-conceit, doing his best to charm every vixen who passes his gaze; or of snooty waiter Michelle, head high to the sky, gaze anywhere but on his customer, and disdain dripping with every syllable he mutters; or of distant temptress Marie, with ruby red lips, full, wavy, lashes, a shiny telescopic cigarette holder in her right hand, a new dress straight from the Paris catwalks, and a sultry attitude that makes Englishmen feint are out of date.

Psychologically, our entertainment and culture has led us to classify the French as a snobbish, arrogant, rude, and impolite country of people who are in love with their wine and cigarettes and disdain Americans. Well, a recent opinion study carried out for the International Herald Tribune and France 24 TV station found out that this is only partially true. The French do carry a lot of disdain, but they do it for themselves! In fact, they seem to dislike themselves even more than Americans who have negative stereotypes drilled into them by classic cinema and cartoons on a regular basis! The study found that while only 38% of American respondents had a negative view of the French, 44% of the respondents from France thought negatively of themselves! Wow! Gives a whole new meaning to the French Twist.

More Kudos to Tony Poshek for digging up this article as well. He really is The Cynical Sourcerer!

The Biofuel Blunder

Normally biofuel is the right choice. I discuss it in almost all of my green posts and Tim Minahan has also blogged a post or two on Supply Excellence [WayBackMachine] extolling it’s virtues (e.g. “The ethanol debate: A supply management view”).

But there’s more than one type of biofuel. There’s the kind that powers your car – and there’s the kind that powers you! (After all, we’re biological organisms that need fuel too!) And you should never put your car ahead of yourself.

And more importantly, you should never put someone else’s car ahead of a German’s need to drink! I don’t know about you, but I wouldn’t want to be the reason Hans and Franz can’t have their suds after a long day at the gym! Might inspire a whole new meaning to pump you up.

But that’s just what farmers are doing in Germany. After an extremely poor barley harvest in 2006, many farmers are converting their fields to rapeseed, a common ingredient in biofuel. As a result, production is dropping and prices are going up in a country where the average daily consumption of beer is 111.6 litres per head, equivalent to every single man, woman, and child drinking a 0.31 litre glass everyday.

That’s a lot of beer … and a lot of angry Germans if prices spike and they can’t afford their beer anymore. I wouldn’t want to be standing across from that angry mob!

The First Rule of Cost Avoidance

Don’t spend money proving what you already know!

Last Saturday, April 14, 2007, after seven cancellations and $700M, NASA’s Gravity Probe B confirmed, to a precision of better than 1 per cent, the assertion that Einstein made 90 years ago, than an object such as the earth does indeed distort the fabric of space and time.

Duh!

It explains our effect-based concept of gravity, and whether or not gravity really exists (which should be in question since it does not reconcile with the unified theory of quantum mechanics that reconciles the strong, weak, and electro-magnetic forces under the right conditions), the effects of whatever gravity is affect us every day.

So again I say Duh! and point out that if you want to make the list of the ten worst spend management organizations, shelling out 700M to confirm the obvious would be a great way to start!

For additional advice, I will refer you to the Greatest Living American Stephen Colbert (according to Colbert Nation [WayBackMachine])!