Ode to Vendors … That Don’t Impress Me Much!

I’ve known some vendors who thought they were pretty sleek
And others so cocky beyond critique
They think they’re all geniuses — drive me up the wall
They’re regular and un-original know-it-alls

Oh-oo-oh, they think they’re special
Oh-oo-oh, they think they’re something else

Okay, so you’ve got offline OLAP-driven cubes
That don’t impress me much
So you got the code but does it have the clutch
Don’t get me wrong, yeah I think you transact
But that won’t save me cash in the midst of a contract
That don’t impress me much

I never knew an app that relied on dashboards to get results
And an Excel backup — just in case
And all that last gen UI in your app really dates it
‘Cause Heaven forbid new widgets were embraced

Oh-oo-oh, so you think you’re something special
Oh-oo-oh, you think you’re something else

Okay, so you’re Sales Champ
That don’t impress me much
So you got the code but does it have the clutch
Don’t get me wrong, yeah I think you transact
But that won’t stock my inventory on the rack
That don’t impress me much

You’re one of those apps that likes to brag past success
And make me sign a waiver before you let me demo
I can’t believe you hide behind paper
C’mon vendor tell me — you must be jokin’? Hello?

Oh-oo-oh, so you think you’re something special
Oh-oo-oh, you think you’re something else

Okay, so you’ve gone all SaaS
That don’t impress me much
So you got the code but does it have the clutch
Don’t get me wrong, yeah I think you transact
But metric obsolesence it doesn’t counteract

That don’t impress me much
So you got the code but does it have the clutch
Don’t get me wrong, yeah I think you transact
But that won’t keep maintenance costs down, matter of fact
That don’t impress me much

Okay, so what do you think you’re Apple or something
Whatever
That don’t impress me

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