Category Archives: Lyrics

Ode to Vendors … That Don’t Impress Me Much!

I’ve known some vendors who thought they were pretty sleek
And others so cocky beyond critique
They think they’re all geniuses — drive me up the wall
They’re regular and un-original know-it-alls

Oh-oo-oh, they think they’re special
Oh-oo-oh, they think they’re something else

Okay, so you’ve got offline OLAP-driven cubes
That don’t impress me much
So you got the code but does it have the clutch
Don’t get me wrong, yeah I think you transact
But that won’t save me cash in the midst of a contract
That don’t impress me much

I never knew an app that relied on dashboards to get results
And an Excel backup — just in case
And all that last gen UI in your app really dates it
‘Cause Heaven forbid new widgets were embraced

Oh-oo-oh, so you think you’re something special
Oh-oo-oh, you think you’re something else

Okay, so you’re Sales Champ
That don’t impress me much
So you got the code but does it have the clutch
Don’t get me wrong, yeah I think you transact
But that won’t stock my inventory on the rack
That don’t impress me much

You’re one of those apps that likes to brag past success
And make me sign a waiver before you let me demo
I can’t believe you hide behind paper
C’mon vendor tell me — you must be jokin’? Hello?

Oh-oo-oh, so you think you’re something special
Oh-oo-oh, you think you’re something else

Okay, so you’ve gone all SaaS
That don’t impress me much
So you got the code but does it have the clutch
Don’t get me wrong, yeah I think you transact
But metric obsolesence it doesn’t counteract

That don’t impress me much
So you got the code but does it have the clutch
Don’t get me wrong, yeah I think you transact
But that won’t keep maintenance costs down, matter of fact
That don’t impress me much

Okay, so what do you think you’re Apple or something
Whatever
That don’t impress me

Procurement Wasteland!

Down here in the crypt
I search for a script
I put my soul into my living

I constantly fight
To prove I’m right
Management is not forgiving

Don’t cry
Don’t raise your eye
It’s a Procurement Wasteland

Buyer, take my hand
We’ll analyze spend plans
Put out the fire
And don’t look past my shoulder

The exodus is here
Our downfall is near
Let’s band together
Before we get much older

Procurement Wasteland
It’s a Procurement Wasteland
Procurement Wasteland, oh yeah
Procurement Wasteland
We’re all wasted

I Can’t Get No Satisfaction …

Because. Just because.

I can’t get no … satisfaction
I can’t get no … satisfaction
‘Cause I try and I try and I try and I try

I can’t get no … I can’t get no
When I’m sittin’ at my desk, and the bot pops up on the dashboard
It’s telling me more and more about some useless information
Supposed to fire my imagination

I can’t get no, oh, no, no, no, hey, hey, hey
That’s what I say
I can’t get no satisfaction, I can’t get no satisfaction
‘Cause I try and I try and I try and I try
I can’t get no, I can’t get no

When I’m watchin’ my phone and a mail comes in to tell me
How low my costs can slot
But it can’t be for real ’cause my spending is
Not for e-Auctions or spot

I can’t get no, oh, no, no, no, hey, hey, hey
That’s what I say
I can’t get no satisfaction, I can’t get no chain reaction
‘Cause I try and I try and I try and I try
I can’t get no, I can’t get no
When I’m slicin’ up the spend
And I’m buyin’ this and I’m signin’ that
And I’m trying to please the boss who tells me
Buyer, better have some savings this week
Can’t you see we’re on a losing streak

I can’t get no, oh, no, no, no, hey, hey, hey
That’s what I say, I can’t get no, I can’t get no
I can’t get no satisfaction, no satisfaction
No satisfaction, no satisfaction

 

Opposites Attract

A Sourcing and Procurement Love Story.

[S] I’m M.C. Doc on the rap so mic it
[S] Here’s a little story and you’re sure to like it
[S] Swift and sly and I’m playing it cool
[S] With Procurement, ’cause buyers rule!

[S] Oh it seems we never ever agree
[S] You like catalogs
[S] And I like RFPs
[S] I take things serious
[S] And you take ‘em light
[S] I analyze daily
[P] And I buy when I like

[P] Back office sayin’
[P] We ain’t gonna last
[P] Cuz I move slowly
[S] Catalogs move fast

[S] I like it quiet
[P] And I love it loud
[B] But when we get together
[B] We both can stand proud

[Chorus:]
[S] I take 2 steps forward
[P] I take 2 steps back
[B] We come together
[B] Cuz opposites attract
[S] And you know — it ain’t fiction
[P] Just a natural fact
[B] We come together
[B] Cuz opposites attract

[P] Who’d a thought we could be partners
[P] I place the orders
[S] And I cut the contracts

[S] I like it neat
[P] And I make a mess
[P] I take it easy
[S] But I get obsessed
[S] I’ve got the budget
[P] And I’m always broke
[P] I don’t like strategy
[S] My eyes on the prize

[B] Things in common
[B] Just ain’t a one
[B] But when we’re working in-sync
[B] It’s nothin’ but black ink

[S] I take 2 steps forward
[P] I take 2 steps back
[B] We come together
[B] Cuz opposites attract
[S] And you know–it ain’t fiction
[P] Just a natural fact
[B] We come together
[B] Cuz opposites attract

[Repeat Chorus]

[B] Oh ain’t it somethin’
[B] How we lasted this long
[B] Both of us
[B] Provin’ everyone wrong
[B] Don’t think we’ll ever
[B] Get our differences patched
[B] Don’t really matter
[B] Cuz we’re perfectly matched

[Repeat Chorus Twice]

[B] Nothing in common, only trust
[P] I’m like a minus …
[S] I’m like a plus
[S] One saving up,
[P] One spending down
[B] But together we’re on common ground

[P] When things go wrong we make corrections
[S] To keep things moving in the right direction
[B] Try to fight it but we’re telling you Jack
[B] Its true — this — Opposites Attract!

… but the unanswered question is, should they?

50 Ways to Kill Your Business

At the request of the prophet:

The problem is all inside your head
They like to say
The answer is easy if you
Take it day by day
They’d like to help you in your struggle
To be safe …
There must be fifty ways
to kill your business

They said it’s really not our habit
To intrude
Furthermore, they hope their message
Won’t be lost or misconstrued
But I’ll repeat myself
At the risk of being crude
There must be fifty ways
to kill your business
Fifty ways to kill your business

[CHORUS:]
They just slip out the back, Jack
<b>Make a new plan, Stan</b>
You don’t need to be coy, Roy
Just break yourself free
Hop on the bus, Gus
You don’t need to discuss much
Just drop off the lease, Lee
And get yourself free

They said it grieves them so
To see you in such pain
I wish there was something I could do
To clear your mind again
I hope you appreciate that
And if I could explain
About the fifty ways

They’ll say why don’t we both
Just sleep on it tonight
And they believe in the morning
You’ll begin to see their light
And then they all go
And you’ll realize I was probably right
There must be fifty ways
to kill your business …
Fifty ways they can kill your business