Category Archives: Lyrics

Twas the Night Before Auction

Originally published December 24, 2009.

Twas the night before Auction, when all through the plant,
Not a creature was stirring, not even an ant.
The bid sheets were placed by the display with care,
In hopes that a new award soon would be theirs.

The workers were waiting for news from afar,
While visions of bonuses danced in the stars.
The boss with his black tie, and I with my Dior,
Had just readied our guns for a long bidding war

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the desk to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.

The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below.
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a miniature sleigh, and eight tinny reindeer.

With a little old driver, so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment it must be St. Nick.
More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name!

“Now Dasher! now, Dancer! now, Prancer and Vixen!
On, Comet! On, Cupid!, on Donner and Blitzen!
To the top of the roof! to the top of the wall!
Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!

As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky.
So up to the house-top the coursers they flew,
With the sleigh full of Goods, and St. Nicholas too.

And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof
The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.
As I drew in my head, and was turning around,
Down the smoke-stack St. Nicholas came with a bound.

He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot,
And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot.
A bundle of Goods he had flung on his back,
And he looked like a peddler, just opening his pack.

His eyes-how they twinkled! his dimples how merry!
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And the beard of his chin was as white as the snow.

The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth,
And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath.
He had a broad face and a little round belly,
That shook when he laughed, like a bowlful of jelly!

He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,
And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself!
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread.

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
Restocking the warehouse, then turned with a jerk.
And laying his finger aside of his nose,
And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose!

He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
But I heard him exclaim, ‘ere he drove out of sight,
Happy Auction to all, and to all a good-night!”

Twenty Years, and Nothing’s Changed. It’s still all about the Pentiums!

Today they might be called Xeon Ws or something similar, and power Mac Pros, but at the core, they are still, more or less, Pentiums!

Rock on, Al Yankovic, Rock on!

Because It’s All About The Pentiums (Original Video!)

Al may have been Running with Scissor, but no one did a better job of predicting the future of the IT industry.

     
My new computer’s got the clocks, it rocks
But it was obsolete before I opened the box
You say you’ve had your desktop for over a week?
Throw that junk away, man, it’s an antique
Your laptop is a month old? Well that’s great
If you could use a nice, heavy paperweight

  It’s All About the Pentiums
    by “Weird Al” Yankovic (@alyankovic)

I Am the Twitter! (Repost)

I am he as you are he as you are me and we are all together.
See how they run like fish from a whale, see the bird fly.
I’m crying.

Sitting on a hashtag, waiting for the tweet to come.
Corporation tee-shirt, stupid bloody tuesday.
Man, you been a naughty boy, you let your tweet grow long.
I am the poster, they are the posters.
I am the twitter, goo goo g’joob.

Mister celebrity ranting,
Pretty little celebrities in a row.
See the tweets fly like texts from a teen, see how they stream.
I’m crying, I’m crying.
I’m crying, I’m crying.

Random insane drivel, dripping from a newbie’s feed.
A desperate housewife, pornographic priestess,
Now you been a naughty girl you let your secrets out.
I am the poster, they are the posters.
I am the twitter, goo goo g’joob.

Standing in an airport Starbucks … waiting for the brew.
If the brew runs out, you get your fix
From candybars at the news stand.
I am the poster, they are the posters.
I am the twitter, goo goo g’joob.

Expert textpert channel blasters,
Don’t you think the joker laughs at you?
See how they smile like whales in the sky,
See how they snied.
I’m crying.

Internet Spinal Tap, cranking up the dial to eleven.
Gary William Brolsma syncing Numa Numa.
Man, you have to see them kicking that Mark Zuckerberg.
I am the poster, they are the posters.
I am the twitter, goo goo g’joob.
goo goo g’joob goo goo g’joob.
Goo goo g’joob goo

Reposted in recognition of the doctor‘s 3000th tweet!

And remember, if you’re not following the doctor on Twitter, what aren’t you missing?

The Devil Went Down to Vegas …

The devil went down to Vegas
He was lookin’ for some souls to steal
He was in a bind
‘Cause he was way behind
And he was willin’ to make a deal

When he came upon this young man
Speaking on the big stage and workin’ the crowd
And the devil jumped
Up on a podium
And said, “boy, let me tell you what

I guess you didn’t know it
But I’m a keynote speaker too
And if you’d care to take a dare, I’ll make a bet with you

Now you work the grand stand like magic, boy
But give the devil his due
I’ll bet a statue of gold
Against your soul
‘Cause I think I’m better than you

The boy said, “my name’s Robert
And it might be a sin
But I’ll take your bet
And you’re gonna regret
‘Cause I’m the best there’s ever been

Robert, step up your game and work your magic hard
‘Cause hell’s broke loose in Vegas and the devil deals the cards
And if you win, you get this shiny statue made of gold
But if you lose, the devil gets your soul

The devil straightened up his tie
And he said “I’ll start this charade
And sparks flew from his fiery eyes
As he angled off his shades

Then he breathed his first into the mic
And it made an evil hiss
And a band of demons cheered him on
As the mark he never missed

When the devil finished
Robert said, “well, you’re pretty good, old son
But sit down in that chair right there
And let me show you how it’s done

He worked the crowd into hysteria
The devil’s in the house of the rising sun
When he was done, everyone was floating on air
Robert, will you save us? Yes, child, yes!

The devil bowed his head
Because he knew that he’d been beat
And he laid that golden statue
On the ground at Robert’s feet

Robert said, “Devil, just come on back
If you ever want to try again
I done told you once you son of a bitch
I’m the best that’s ever been

He worked the crowd into hysteria
The devil’s in the house of the rising sun
When he was done, everyone was floating on air
Robert, will you save us? Yes, child, yes!

 

And if you haven’t figured it out yet, Coupa Inspire ’19 starts today at the Cosmopolitan of Las Vegas. (And it won’t be long until their next dance video is out. For reference, here’s ’13, ’14, ’15, ’16, ’17, and ’18.)

YOUR SI (Repost)

To the tune of “UHF
by Weird Al Yankovic, who completed the soundtrack to the cult classic UHF 30 years ago today.

Put down your old-school textbook
Throw out your online Guide
Put away your jacket
There’s no need to go outside

Don’t you know that we control the horizontal
We control the vertical, too
We gonna make a sourcing leader out of you
That’s what we gonna do now

Make it your home-page
Don’t touch that dial
We got it all on Your SI!

Kick off your sneakers
Stick around for a while
We got it all on Your SI!

Don’t worry ’bout ISM
Forget about the glitz
Just resize the window
And kill your favorites
We got it all, we got it all,
we got it all on Your SI!

Disconnect the landline and leave the iPhone in the drawer
You better put away your paper
Prime time ain’t no time to weave
Time to go and make yourself a TV dinner
Press your face right up against the screen
We gonna tell you things you’ll wanna believe
If you know what I mean, now

Make it your home-page
Don’t touch that dial
We got it all on Your SI!

Kick off your sneakers
Stick around for a while
We got it all on Your SI!

Don’t worry ’bout ISM
Forget about the glitz
Just resize the window
And kill your favorites
We got it all, we got it all,
we got it all on Your SI!

UHF should be your Procurement cult classic.  It was the first movie to teach us what happens if we try to drink from the firehose, attend an expert class as a beginner, or don’t keep track of what is in the supplies closet. 😉