Category Archives: Lyrics

I WILL SURVIVE!

An ode to vendors who need to be forgotten!
Confused? See our piece onĀ Technical Debt

At first, I was afraid, I was petrified
Kept thinking I could never live without you by my side
But then I spent so many nights thinking how you did me wrong
And I grew strong and I will learn to get along

And while you claim brand new function
I just walked in to find you here with the same old dysfunction
I should have changed my phone number
I should have blocked your web domain
If I’d have known for just one second you’d be back with the mundane

Go on now go, walk out the door, just turn around now
’cause you’re not welcome anymore
Weren’t you’re the one who tried to lock my data down?
You think I’d crumble? You think I’d turn my mind around?

Oh, no, not I, I will survive
Oh as long as I know how to buy, I know that I will thrive
I’ve got my wits to give, and I’ve got my years to give
And I’ll survive, I, I, I will survive

It took all my strength to deal with the distress
Trying with all my mind to mend a broken process
I spent so many nights feeling just incompetent
Oh, I cried but now I know I will ascend

And you see me, somebody new
Not that desperate little person still stuck with you
Now don’t come promising features you can’t implement
Now I’m saving all my time for a vendor who is competent

Go on now go, walk out the door, turn around now
You’re not welcome anymore
Weren’t you’re the one who tried to lock my data down?
You think I’d crumble? You think I’d turn my mind around?

Oh, no, not I, I will survive
Oh as long as I know how to buy, I know that I will thrive
I’ve got my wits to give, and I’ve got my years to give
And I’ll survive, I, I, I will survive

Let’s Get Asynchronous!

To the tune of Redfoo’s
Let’s Get Ridiculous!

Yo!

Lets Phreak!
Lets Phreak!

Yo, yo, yo, let’s go!

We’re dialed-in, the signal’s strong,
packets ready, time to switch the network on
The queue is up, meticulous,
c’mon baby, let’s get asynchronous!

C’mon, c’mon, c’mon, c’mon baby, let’s get asynchronous (oh-ohh-oh!)
C’mon, c’mon, c’mon, c’mon baby, let’s get asynchronous (oh-ohh-oh!)
C’mon, c’mon, c’mon, c’mon baby, let’s get asynchronous (oh-ohh-oh!)
C’mon, c’mon, c’mon, c’mon baby, let’s get asynchronous (oh-ohh-oh!)

Wired, linked, signals on the brink. Let’s get-
Wired, linked, signals on the brink. Let’s get-
Wired, linked, signals on the brink.
Networked people! Let’s get asynchronous!

Networked people know the place to be (Hey!),
where the wires bring the two-phase beat
Let’s tap into the web’s heartbeat,
so sit down log in and send a tweet (Yeeah!)
This is how we chat (Hey!),
text, no vocals, characters,
So be a phreak in binary
and when we drop the bits we’re global travelers

And I love to text,
asynchronous is the best jam
Send a tweet, yeah take a chance,
and if ya can’t rock the keys then Instagram
Wanna know a lil something ’bout queues? (Hey!)
They were made for messaging you
A modern form of web voodoo,
they’re fresh, they’re slick, and standardized too

We’re dialed-in, the signal’s strong,
packets ready, time to switch the network on
The queue is up, meticulous,
c’mon baby, let’s get asynchronous!

C’mon, c’mon, c’mon, c’mon baby, let’s get asynchronous (oh-ohh-oh!)
C’mon, c’mon, c’mon, c’mon baby, let’s get asynchronous (oh-ohh-oh!)
C’mon, c’mon, c’mon, c’mon baby, let’s get asynchronous (oh-ohh-oh!)
C’mon, c’mon, c’mon, c’mon baby, let’s get asynchronous (oh-ohh-oh!)

Wired, linked, signals on the brink. Let’s get-
Wired, linked, signals on the brink. Let’s get-
Wired, linked, signals on the brink.
Networked people! Let’s get asynchronous!

All the time I am reading you online
And you so fine I just have to share the lines
You blow my mind, all the crazy tweets you do
I see that you wanna two-phase too,
so baby, lets get asynchronous!

We’re dialed-in, the signal’s strong,
packets ready, time to switch the network on
The queue is up, meticulous,
c’mon baby, let’s get asynchronous!

C’mon, c’mon, c’mon, c’mon baby, let’s get asynchronous (oh-ohh-oh!)
C’mon, c’mon, c’mon, c’mon baby, let’s get asynchronous (oh-ohh-oh!)
C’mon, c’mon, c’mon, c’mon baby, let’s get asynchronous (oh-ohh-oh!)
C’mon, c’mon, c’mon, c’mon baby, let’s get asynchronous (oh-ohh-oh!)

Ode to Vendors … That Don’t Impress Me Much!

I’ve known some vendors who thought they were pretty sleek
And others so cocky beyond critique
They think they’re all geniuses — drive me up the wall
They’re regular and un-original know-it-alls

Oh-oo-oh, they think they’re special
Oh-oo-oh, they think they’re something else

Okay, so you’ve got offline OLAP-driven cubes
That don’t impress me much
So you got the code but does it have the clutch
Don’t get me wrong, yeah I think you transact
But that won’t save me cash in the midst of a contract
That don’t impress me much

I never knew an app that relied on dashboards to get results
And an Excel backup — just in case
And all that last gen UI in your app really dates it
‘Cause Heaven forbid new widgets were embraced

Oh-oo-oh, so you think you’re something special
Oh-oo-oh, you think you’re something else

Okay, so you’re Sales Champ
That don’t impress me much
So you got the code but does it have the clutch
Don’t get me wrong, yeah I think you transact
But that won’t stock my inventory on the rack
That don’t impress me much

You’re one of those apps that likes to brag past success
And make me sign a waiver before you let me demo
I can’t believe you hide behind paper
C’mon vendor tell me — you must be jokin’? Hello?

Oh-oo-oh, so you think you’re something special
Oh-oo-oh, you think you’re something else

Okay, so you’ve gone all SaaS
That don’t impress me much
So you got the code but does it have the clutch
Don’t get me wrong, yeah I think you transact
But metric obsolesence it doesn’t counteract

That don’t impress me much
So you got the code but does it have the clutch
Don’t get me wrong, yeah I think you transact
But that won’t keep maintenance costs down, matter of fact
That don’t impress me much

Okay, so what do you think you’re Apple or something
Whatever
That don’t impress me

Procurement Wasteland!

Down here in the crypt
I search for a script
I put my soul into my living

I constantly fight
To prove I’m right
Management is not forgiving

Don’t cry
Don’t raise your eye
It’s a Procurement Wasteland

Buyer, take my hand
We’ll analyze spend plans
Put out the fire
And don’t look past my shoulder

The exodus is here
Our downfall is near
Let’s band together
Before we get much older

Procurement Wasteland
It’s a Procurement Wasteland
Procurement Wasteland, oh yeah
Procurement Wasteland
We’re all wasted

I Can’t Get No Satisfaction …

Because. Just because.

I can’t get no … satisfaction
I can’t get no … satisfaction
‘Cause I try and I try and I try and I try

I can’t get no … I can’t get no
When I’m sittin’ at my desk, and the bot pops up on the dashboard
It’s telling me more and more about some useless information
Supposed to fire my imagination

I can’t get no, oh, no, no, no, hey, hey, hey
That’s what I say
I can’t get no satisfaction, I can’t get no satisfaction
‘Cause I try and I try and I try and I try
I can’t get no, I can’t get no

When I’m watchin’ my phone and a mail comes in to tell me
How low my costs can slot
But it can’t be for real ’cause my spending is
Not for e-Auctions or spot

I can’t get no, oh, no, no, no, hey, hey, hey
That’s what I say
I can’t get no satisfaction, I can’t get no chain reaction
‘Cause I try and I try and I try and I try
I can’t get no, I can’t get no
When I’m slicin’ up the spend
And I’m buyin’ this and I’m signin’ that
And I’m trying to please the boss who tells me
Buyer, better have some savings this week
Can’t you see we’re on a losing streak

I can’t get no, oh, no, no, no, hey, hey, hey
That’s what I say, I can’t get no, I can’t get no
I can’t get no satisfaction, no satisfaction
No satisfaction, no satisfaction