Back in 1990, near the end of the hair metal days, Poison released their third studio album called Flesh & Blood with a deep cut called the Valley of Lost Souls. And since Procurement is the Zombie Function of the Enterprise (it’s dying, it’s dead, but it’s still here), I am nominating this as Procurement’s new theme song. If we analyze it carefully, it fits the bill.

I hit the highway
Touch life barely sixteen
… many Procurement newbies who didn’t get moved into the organization as a pre-retirement “reward” are fresh out of college and brand new to the business world …

No angel of mercy
Coming down to save the soul of me
… Procurement is the black sheep of the enterprise and gets no regard, no regard at all …

I took a Greyhound limousine
Straight to grand central NYC
… after all, we have to practice what we preach and cut costs, to the point it hurts

It was ass, gas, or grass, living fast
Nobody rides for free
… and don’t we know it!

Chorus:
Living it up, giving it up
Living in the valley of lost souls
… we have to give up too much to get our savings

Wanting it all, taking the fall
Living in the valley of lost souls
… and when things backfire, even if we’re ordered to make a suboptimal decision, we still take the fall

Miss Misery come ride me
How I love her company
… we have to love her to love this job

She did Boston justice
And wronged all the right out of me
… at the end of the day it’s no wonder why some Procurement professionals accept “Japanese” auction software where a supplier can bid against itself

The devil wears a black suit
He says I’m livin’ like a bum
… and he’s being nice …

So what I’m looking like I’m half dead
A gypsy on the run
… working OT to meet an unrealistic target …

Chorus

Feels like time’s running out on me
… it’s no wonder the average CPO changes jobs at least every 3 years …

But I wasn’t born to play nobody’s fool
… so gotta get out before they push me out

Ain’t nobody gonna hold me down to play nobody’s fool
Ain’t nobody gonna hold me down

… we got resolve … that’s what it takes to do this job …

I’ve got to roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll
… so we change jobs if we must

Chorus

Somebody save me
… because, someday, it may just get too overwhelming …