Ariba’s [acquired by SAP] buying Procuri [acquired by Ariba]! The gorilla-marketing vultures of Emptoris [acquired by IBM, sunset in 2017] are trying to capitalize on it! And I promised last week’s extended edition would be my final post on the subject – but it seems that some of my readers are a lot more foolish than I expected! Thus, for those of you who had the misfortune of missing my last two posts, or enjoyed them so much that you yearn to read them again, I am (re)posting a longer, Ultimate Edition, version below with new and extended scenes!
Opening: The ‘Riba brothers and sister are on center stage, the Goodfeathers behind them off to the viewer’s left, and Pinky & the Brain behind them off to the viewer’s right. Rita, Runt, Slappy, Skippy, Minerva, Flavio, Marita, Chicken Boo, and Katie Ka-Boom are at the back, behind the ‘Riba brothers and sisters.
| [Everyone] |
It’s time for sourcing-maniacs
And we’re zany to the max
So just sit back and relax
You’ll laugh ’til you collapse
We’re sourcing-maniacs! |
|
|
| [Wakko & Yakko] |
Come join the ‘Riba Brothers |
| [Dot] |
And the ‘Riba Sister, Dot |
| [Wakko, Yakko, & Dot] |
Just for fun we run around the corp’rate parking lot
They lock us in the boardroom whenever we get caught
But we break loose and then vamoose
And now you know the plot! |
|
|
| [Everyone but Wakko, Yakko, & Dot] |
We’re sourcing-maniacs!
Dot is cute and Yakko yaks
Wakko packs away the snacks
While accountants pay the tax
We’re sourcing-maniacs! |
|
|
| [Everyone but Pinky & the Brain] |
There’s Pinky and the Brain who want to rule the sourcing-verse |
| [Everyone but the Goodfeathers] |
Goodfeathers flock together; |
| [Everyone but Slappy] |
Slappy whacks ’em with her purse |
| [Everyone but Rita & Runt] |
Rita lectures Runt, |
| [Everyone but Minerva] |
Minvera sings a verse |
| [Everyone] |
The writer flipped; we have no script
Why bother to rehearse? |
|
|
| [Everyone] |
We’re sourcing-maniacs!
We have pay-to-play contracts
We’re zany to the max |
| [Yakko] |
There’s baloney in our slacks |
|
|
| [Everyone] |
We’re sourcing-manie,
Totally insaney,
Dollars-in-the-brainy,
Sourcing-maniacs. |
|
|
| [Dot] |
These are the facts! |
Prologue: The hallways of Procuri head office, late last summer. Chicken Boo, Flavio and Marita bump into each other.
| Marita\: |
I hear the investors are getting ants-in-their-feathers again! |
| Flavio: |
Yes, I believe they are. What do you think, Mr. Boo? |
| Chicken Boo: |
Bwoookk! |
| Marita: |
Yes, I agree, Mr. Boo. I think they really do want to sell us! |
| Flavio: |
Why? We’re getting more customers everyday. We’re making money. If we keep growing, we stand a good chance of going public in a couple of years! Everyone’s talking about us … and you too Mr. Boo! |
| Chicken Boo: |
Bawwk? |
| Marita: |
I agree. I think it’s foolish. But this company was started back in the boom. Seven years ago. Back when there was the promise of going public or being bought in two or three years. And our investors aren’t known for their patience. |
| Flavio: |
I know … but just a few more years and I think we could go public and make them a fortune. Don’t you agree, Mr. Boo. |
| Chicken Boo: |
Bok! |
| Marita: |
But maybe we’ll be bought by someone who really wants our technology! With deeper pockets! And a rooftop garden! Downtown, even! |
| Flavio: |
And maybe we’ll be bought by someone who only wants our customer base and wants to see us eliminated! We could be back in the pasture before we know it! Don’t you agree Mr. Boo? |
| Chicken Boo: |
Bok. |
| Marita: |
Well, maybe you’re right. I hope they decide to keep us. |
| Flavio: |
So do I. |
| Chicken Boo: |
BOK! |
| Marita: |
I wonder if there’s anything we could do to convince them to keep us? |
| Flavio: |
I don’t know. But publicity is always good. Maybe you should go on another speaking tour Mr. Boo. |
| Chicken Boo: |
BAAWWKK! |
Scene 1: Rita and Runt are wandering the streets of San Francisco down by the Embarcadero in their search for a new home late last fall. It’s night, and they are going unnoticed.
A breeze blows a page onto Runt’s nose. Runt reads the first line.
| Runt: |
“MasterCard, Ariba Partner for Corporate, Purchasing Card Programs”. Rita, what’s Ariba? |
| Rita: |
Ariba is a big software company down in the valley, Runt. |
| Runt: |
Software, what’s software? |
| Rita: |
You know what a computer is, don’t you? |
| Runt: |
A big box that makes pictures like a TV, right? |
| Rita: |
That’s right. And software is what makes it make pictures. But a computer can do more than that, Runt. |
| Runt: |
Really, like what? |
| Rita: |
Some people use it to send letters … |
| Runt: |
How do they get the paper in there? |
| Rita: |
Not real letters, e-letters! |
| Runt: |
e-letters, you mean they make letters out of E’s? How do they do that? |
| Rita: |
No, no, silly. Electronic-letters. The letters are sent using signals between computers, kinda like the signals that are sent from TV stations to TVs, that are interpreted by the software and displayed as written words. |
| Runt: |
That’s neat. |
| Rita: |
Yes it is Runt. Yes it is. |
| Runt: |
So what else do people use these computers for? |
| Rita: |
Some people use them in the home to write e-letters, search for information, listen to music, and watch videos. But some people use them at work to do their jobs. |
| Runt: |
Really? |
| Rita: |
Yes, and Ariba makes software that some people use in their jobs to buy things their company needs. |
| Runt: |
So, they’re partnering with Mastercard means they’re doing good, right? |
| Rita: |
Maybe. Why do you ask? |
| Runt: |
Wondering if they could give us a home. |
| Rita: |
Well, they’re a company Runt. Companies don’t generally keep pets, the people who work at them do. |
| Runt: |
But if they’re doing good, then that would mean the people working at them would be doing good … and be happy. Maybe happy enough to give us a home, right? |
| Rita: |
Maybe, but remember how I told you that people measure a company’s performance based on its stock price. |
| Runt: |
D’uh, yeah. |
| Rita: |
Well, their stock price hasn’t been doing very good. It’s a little better than it was a year ago at this time, but it was almost twice as much two years ago. |
| Runt: |
So, our chances of finding a home there aren’t very good. |
| Rita: |
I don’t know, Runt. I don’t know. We could wander down to Sunnyvale and see for ourselves though. It’s getting cold at nights in the city now. |
| Runt: |
Sunnydale? SUNNYDALE! I thought you said it was in the valley! I don’t want to go to Sunnydale! I’m scared of vampires! |
| Rita: |
Not Sunny-Dale, Sunny-Vale! And you’ve been watching too much shop-window TV again, haven’t you Runt? |
| Runt: |
Maybe. |
| Rita: |
Well, remember when I told you not everything you see or hear on TV is true. |
| Runt: |
Yes. |
| Rita: |
Well, that was a fictional program. It was a story made to entertain people. |
| Runt: |
Oh! But it was scary! |
| Rita: |
Some people like to be scared, Runt. |
| Runt: |
I know. But I don’t like to be scared. |
| Rita: |
I know, Runt. But let’s wander down to Sunnyvale and see what’s happening. Okay? |
| Runt: |
Okay. |
| Rita: |
Time for a song? |
| Runt: |
Sure! |
| [Rita and Runt] |
Hi-ho! Hi-ho!
Off to Sunnyvale we go! |
| [Runt:] |
We’ll chase our tails! |
| [Rita:] |
And wear our veils! |
| [Rita and Runt] |
Hi-ho! Hi-ho! Hi-ho! Hi-ho! |
|
|
| [Rita and Runt] |
We’ll walk along the ‘Fornia coast |
| [Rita:] |
Search the trash cans for a roast |
| [Runt:] |
Try not to run into a ghost |
| [Rita and Runt] |
Sing the songs that we like most
Hi-ho! Hi-ho! Hi-ho! Hi-ho! |
|
|
| [Rita and Runt] |
We’ll find Ariba, yes we will
Maybe it’s beyond that hill
It would be nice just to stay still
And find a place to eat our fill
Hi-ho! Hi-ho! Hi-ho! Hi-ho! |
Scene 2: The ‘Riba brothers and sister Yakko, Wakko, and Dot are running around the Ariba Parking Lot with fireworks, champagne shooters, and a big bag of confetti early last fall. They are being chased by building security.
| Yakko: |
We’re free!
Yakko sets off a firework. |
| Wakko: |
Heh-heh! You’ll never catch me!
Wakko’s tossing confetti everywhere! |
| Dot: |
I’m gonna take the caddy for a spin!
Dot sets off a couple of champagne shooters. |
| Yakko: |
We can go the beach! |
| Wakko: |
And eat a fuzzy peach! |
| Dot: |
And party until the tide comes in! |
| Yakko: |
But we better be quick! |
| Wakko: |
‘Cause here comes Bob and his big night stick! |
| Dot: |
And I’m sure Doug isn’t far behind! |
| Yakko: |
If they catch us, the fun will end! |
| Wakko: |
And we’ll be forced to work all weekend! |
| Dot: |
And I’ve had enough of the daily grind! |
| Yakko: |
I want the nineties back! |
| Wakko: |
Where we could spend the day drinking margaritas on our back! |
| Dot: |
And still make more green than we could carry! |
| Yakko: |
Maybe they’ll come again. |
| Wakko: |
Even though we don’t know when. |
| Dot: |
Uh-oh! Here comes Gary! |
| Yakko: |
Quick! To the right! |
| Wakko: |
They won’t catch us tonight! |
| Dot: |
And we’ll party like it’s 1999! |
Scene 3: The Ariba Executive Suite. Yakko, Wakko, and Dot are sitting solemn and anxious around a big table late last year.
| Yakko: |
Our stock price is dropping! |
| Wakko: |
Our profits in danger of stopping! |
| Dot: |
And our boss is very unhappy with us. |
| Yakko: |
We need a new idea. |
| Wakko: |
But we’ve already tried IKEA! |
| Dot: |
And that kid who used to ride the spiffy short bus! |
| Yakko: |
If we don’t do something fast … |
| Wakko: |
We might run out of gas … |
| Dot: |
Or at least champagne shooters! |
| Yakko: |
We need to make innovation! |
| Wakko: |
We need to take back the sourcing nation! |
| Dot: |
We need to go to … Hooters! |
| Yakko: |
Yes, those are lovely owls! |
| Wakko: |
Lets give them our towels! |
| Dot: |
And then order in Chinese. |
| Yakko: |
I’m a bit grumbly … |
| Wakko: |
And I’m a bit humbly … |
| Dot: |
And I like to swing in the breeze! |
| Yakko: |
Maybe we should get some fresh air! |
| Wakko: |
The air is stale around my chair! |
| Dot: |
And our food is at the door! |
| Yakko: |
I’ll pay for it! |
| Wakko: |
Pay … that’s it … we need to pay for it! |
| Dot: |
What do we have to pay for? |
| Yakko: |
Something .. we’re here for something … |
| Wakko: |
That’s right … something … |
| Dot: |
Yes … we need … to raise … profits! |
| Yakko: |
But we have no ideas … |
| Wakko: |
And we can’t sell IKEA … |
| Dot: |
And the big guy’s taking fits … |
| Yakko: |
So why don’t we just buy some! |
| Wakko: |
Yes, it will be so much fun! |
| Dot: |
And we might even get some cash out of it too! |
| Yakko: |
But we have lots of software … |
| Wakko: |
Yes! It’s right over there … |
| Dot: |
And we’ve even got a network to woo! |
| Yakko: |
But we don’t have every single buyer! |
| Wakko: |
It could be because our prices are higher! |
| Dot: |
Or because our competition has more SaaS! |
| Yakko: |
So let’s just buy ’em! |
| Wakko: |
Then we’ll have show’d ’em! |
| Dot: |
With a good swift boot to the *ss! |
| Yakko: |
We’ll get all the revenues! |
| Wakko: |
In all the glorious green hues! |
| Dot: |
And maybe even the mid-market too! |
| Yakko: |
So, who do we buy? |
| Wakko: |
Who’s on-demand with the biggest slice of pie? |
| Dot: |
Covered in anchovie stew! |
| Yakko: |
I know! Procuri! |
| Wakko: |
They’re always in a hurry! |
| Dot: |
To take deals away! |
| Yakko: |
And I hear they might be for sale. |
| Wakko: |
And not as expensive as a whale! |
| Dot: |
And they come with a free toupee! |
| Yakko: |
So lets make a deal! |
| Wakko: |
And spin the big wheel! |
| Dot: |
And let fortune smile upon us! |
| Yakko: |
Then we’ll have the buyers! |
| Wakko: |
And our revenues will be higher! |
| Dot: |
And our boss will finally give us the short bus! |
Interlude 1: Lights shift to Minerva on Stage Right. She starts to sing.
|
Ariba’s got the blues
So they’re making an offer
To buy out competition
With coins from the coffer |
|
|
|
It’s the same old story
Innovate or buy
Reclaim lost glory
A bigger slice of pie |
Scene 4: The Procuri Boardroom … a few months ago. The Goodfeathers have just entered.
| Squit: |
As far back as I can remember … |
| Pesto: |
Do you think you amuse me with your rambling? Do You! |
| Bobby: |
You talkin’ to me? YOU TALKIN’ TO ME? |
| Squit: |
I’m not talkin’ to you! |
| Pesto: |
Dat’s it!
Thwok! (Pesto conks Squit.)
Now why are we here? |
| Bobby: |
We have to make a decision. |
| Squit: |
Are we gonna off someone? Are we? Are we? |
| Pesto: |
I hope so! I want to cap some ‘caps! |
| Bobby: |
No … we’re not capping anyone. We’re here to talk about a deal. |
| Squit: |
Why? |
| Pesto: |
I still want to pop off a few! |
| Bobby: |
Guys! Guys! We’re not in that business anymore! Remember! Those days are behind us! Way behind us! Over a decade ago. Well before Procuri. |
| Squit: |
I know, I know. But I’m bored. |
| Pesto: |
And I’m anxious! |
| Bobby: |
Yes … so let’s get down to business. |
| Squit: |
What are we here for today? |
| Pesto: |
The usual briefings? |
| Bobby: |
No, someone made us an offer. |
| Squit: |
An offer? |
| Pesto: |
An offer? |
| Bobby: |
Yes, an offer … for Procuri. |
| Squit: |
How much? |
| Pesto: |
How soon? |
| Bobby: |
A fairly large amount … in the near future. |
| Squit: |
What’s the multiple? |
| Pesto: |
Is it what we’d hoped for? |
| Bobby: |
Not what we’d hope for … but not bad either. I think we should consider it. We’ve been in this particular game a long time … and I think it’s time that we move on. |
Interlude 2: Lights shift to Rita on Stage Left. She starts to sing.
|
The offer’s been accepted
The goodfeathers have their recompense
But have shareholders been sedated?
And what comes next? |
|
|
|
How will industry react?
What will competitors do?
Will anyone take notice?
Will it turn into a media zoo? |
Scene 5: The Emptoris Marketing Cage … late Wednesday night. Pinky & the Brain are thinking.
| Pinky: |
Gee, Brain. Ariba’s buying Procuri! Narf! What do we do? Zort? |
| Brain: |
The same thing we do every night, try to take over the (sourcing) world! |
| Pinky: |
Zoink! But how are we going to do that, Brain? Ariba just hit a home run? Right? Blip! |
| Brain: |
FUD! |
| Pinky: |
Fud? FUD? Yeah! What’s FUD? |
| Brain: |
Fear! Uncertainty! Doubt! We’re going to convince them that Chicken Little was right! That the sky is falling! |
| Pinky: |
The sky’s falling? THE SKY’S FALLING!!! HELP! |
| Brain: |
Yes, that’s the general idea! |
| Pinky: |
We have to take cover! Narf! COVER! Zort!
SMACK! (Brain smacks Pinky)
That smarts! WhatchaDoThatFor, Brain?! Zoink! |
| Brain: |
You idiot! The sky’s not falling. We’re just going to convince the dimwitted masses that the sky is falling. |
| Pinky: |
So they’ll buy metal umbrellas? I’ve always wanted a shiny metallic umbrella, Brain! Can I have one? Please? Oh Please? Please?
THWOP! (Brain bops Pinky upside the head.)
Oww! Owowowowow! |
| Brain: |
No dipstick! We want them to think that the rug is being pulled out from under them! |
| Pinky: |
… but that sounds scary, Brain! |
| Brain: |
Yes! And that’s the point! We want them to think that their applications, support, and service are going to disappear over night! They’ll be terrified … and looking for a better answer. |
| Pinky: |
An answer? I’d like one of those! |
| Brain: |
Yes … and we’ll be that answer! We’ll bombard the media! The only other name they’ll see is ours! We’ll pack it with reassuring messages that only we have an integrated solution! That only we are pure! That only we can support them without a hitch for as long as they need us! And … |
| Pinky: |
And … |
| Brain: |
That only we’ll give them credit for investments they’ve made in our competitors … that only we will give them up to a year free! |
| Pinky: |
I like Free! |
| Brain: |
Yes … everyone likes free … but it won’t be … It Won’t Be … |
| Pinky: |
So we’ll be – what do you call it … bending the truth again — just like our “one” product is really Zeborg, Intigma, ValueEdge, MindFlow, Dicarta …
Thwap! Clonk! |
| Brain: |
I told you to never speak of that again! |
| Pinky: |
Sorry! |
| Brain: |
But it will work! It will work! The sheep will panic and run to us! We’ll let them in and count their dollars one million by one million by one million! |
| Pinky: |
And then we’ll rule the (sourcing) world? Narf! |
| Brain: |
Yes Pinky, then we’ll rule the (sourcing) world! |
Scene 6: The Willow Garden of the Sheraton Sunnyvale Hotel. It is mid-morning a couple of days after the announcement. The ‘Riba brothers and ‘Riba sister are giving a press conference. Katie Ka-Boom, Minerva, Skippy Squirrel, Rita and Runt, among others, are in attendance.
| Yakko: |
Ladies and gentlemen … |
| Wakko: |
Boys and girls … |
| Dot: |
Cats and their dogs … |
| Yakko: |
We’re pleased to announce … |
| Wakko: |
That we’re ready to pounce … |
| Dot: |
And acquire Procuri! |
| Yakko: |
We’re not in a hurry … |
| Wakko: |
Despite all the flurry … |
| Dot: |
That seems to have inured. |
| Yakko: |
But we’ll try to wrap it up quick. |
| Wakko: |
No need to chase after us with a stick! |
| Dot: |
So our customers will feel secured. |
| Katie Ka-Boom: |
Katie Ka-Boom. ABC Research. Can you tell us what your plans are? |
| Yakko: |
Our plans our quite naive. |
| Wakko: |
To help our customers save, |
| Dot: |
And meet their every need! |
| Yakko: |
To offer them technology that’s the best. |
| Wakko: |
And do it with zest! |
| Dot: |
And internet speed! |
| Yakko: |
That’s why we always aspire |
| Wakko: |
to continually acquire |
| Dot: |
technology in the lead! |
| Yakko: |
So that we can provide |
| Wakko: |
on demand solutions that will guide |
| Dot: |
you to the savings you need! |
|
That’s not an answer! mutters Katie under her breath as she starts to frown. |
| Yakko, Wakko, & Dot: |
Next question please! |
| Skippy Squirrel: |
Skippy Squirrel. Cost Concerns. Was this a move to eliminate a competitor and acquire a desirable client base or a move to acquire a true multi-tenant on-demand technology that many perceive as much better than the ASP offering you currently provide? |
| Yakko: |
That’s a very good query! |
| Wakko: |
And let us assure you that we’re not leary … |
| Dot: |
of providing an explanation. |
| Yakko: |
Our goal was to envelop |
| Wakko: |
a solution we could develop |
| Dot: |
into a realization |
| Yakko: |
of our dream of serving |
| Wakko: |
while simultaneously preserving |
| Dot: |
an expanded customer base! |
| Yakko: |
We wanted to consolidate |
| Wakko: |
solutions in the market-place |
| Dot: |
into one solid business case. |
|
And they say I’m nuts! runs through Skippy’s mind as he tries to understand what was just said. |
| Katie Ka-Boom: |
So, basically you’re trying to eliminate the competition while also extending the technology footprint that you have available to you. |
| Yakko: |
We’re not trying to eliminate … |
| Wakko: |
merely consolidate … |
| Dot: |
for the benefit of our customers today. |
| Yakko: |
To make their lives easy. |
| Wakko: |
Like daises in the breezie. |
| Dot: |
On a warm summer’s day. |
| Yakko: |
We’re really trying to merge |
| Wakko: |
technologies on the verge |
| Dot: |
to give our customers the edge. |
| Yakko: |
So they can break through the barrier |
| Wakko: |
and find more savings than a yorkshire terrier |
| Dot: |
without the need for a sledge! |
|
What kind of fool do they take me for? grumbles Katie under her breath as her face turns bright red. |
| Yakko, Wakko, & Dot: |
Next question please! |
| Skippy Squirrel: |
It’s fairly common knowledge that your stock price hasn’t been anything to write home about lately and that, like many technology stocks, it’s pretty far from it’s all time high, and less than half of what it was even five years ago. And although your earnings have been fairly steady as of late, they haven’t really been growing. What effect do you have this acquisition to have on your revenues, profits, and stock price? |
| Yakko: |
This wasn’t just about money! |
| Wakko: |
We’re doing fine! |
| Dot: |
Here, have some more wine! |
| Yakko: |
It’s about doing what’s best for the customer. |
| Wakko: |
And meeting all of their needs. |
| Dot: |
And tying together all of their data feeds. |
| Yakko: |
Since we built it, |
| Wakko: |
they will come, |
| Dot: |
and everything will be great! |
| Yakko: |
Shareholders will be content. |
| Wakko: |
They’ll say it’s money well spent. |
| Dot: |
So why not have another slice of cake? |
|
I’m definitely not the nutty one here! runs through Skippy’s mind as he tries to keep his eyes from rolling back into his head. |
| Yakko, Wakko, & Dot: |
Next question please! |
| Katie Ka-Boom: |
So, you’re going to support both solutions then? |
| Yakko: |
We’re going to do what’s right! |
| Wakko: |
Every day and every night! |
| Dot: |
That’s what our customers want! |
| Yakko: |
We’re going to make sure |
| Wakko: |
that the right solutions endure. |
| Dot: |
And that wrong solutions never haunt! |
| Yakko: |
The right solution will be |
| Wakko: |
available to everyone, you see! |
| Dot: |
And we’ll all sleep in beds of roses! |
| Yakko: |
We’ll support them one and all. |
| Wakko: |
Both inside and outside our hallowed hall. |
| Dot: |
Ariba never closes! |
| Katie Ka-Boom: |
THAT’S IT! yells Katie as loud as she can
CAN’T YOU GIVE A STRAIGHT ANSWER! as she shakes her fists in the air
I’M READY TO EXPLODE! |
|
BOOM!
Katie explodes. The press conference ends. |
Scene 7: Back in the Emptoris Marketing Cage, the night of the ‘Riba brothers and ‘Riba sister’s press conference.
| Brain: |
My plan’s coming together perfectly, Pinky! |
| Pinky: |
That’s great, Brain! Zort! What Plan? |
| Brain: |
My plan to take over the (sourcing) world, you imbecile! |
| Pinky: |
Oh, right! Snarf! And how did that go again? |
| Brain: |
FUD! Fear, Uncertainty, Doubt!
THWOP! Brain smacks Pinky upside the head.
Pay attention. |
| Pinky: |
Oh, right. And what did we do? |
| Brain: |
Nothing! And that’s the beauty of it! The ‘Ribas did it for us. |
| Pinky: |
How’d they do that, Brain? |
| Brain: |
By not providing any long term plans in that press conference I knew they’d have to hold quickly in response to our brilliant press release, they’re reinforced the fear, uncertainty, and doubt we stirred up with that superbly written press release! Customers will not be able to stop themselves from thinking that there’s no future with Procuri! And maybe even with Ariba for that matter! |
| Pinky: |
Why would they think that, Brain? |
| Brain: |
Because, unlike you dear Pinky, they’re capable of drawing conclusions! And those conclusions will lead them to our doorstep … where we’ll be waiting for them. Soon, all the business will come to us, Pinky. All we have to do is wait. |
| Pinky: |
And then we’ll rule the (sourcing) world? Narf? |
| Brain: |
Yes Pinky, then we’ll rule the (sourcing) world! |
Epilogue: Rita and Runt and wondering the streets of sunnyvale in the early evening. They have just turned onto West El Camino, heading east.
| Runt: |
I get the feeling we won’t be finding a home here in Sunnyvale, Rita. |
| Rita: |
So do I, Runt. So do I. |
| Runt: |
So, what do we do now Rita? |
| Rita: |
We keep on looking, Runt. We keep on looking. |
| Runt: |
Well, at least there were some good eats at that press conference! |
| Rita: |
Yes there were, Runt. Can you believe we found a whole chicken and a whole roast in the trash! |
| Runt: |
No I can’t. I’ll be stuffed for a week. So where do we go next? |
| Rita: |
Maybe we should wander over to San Jose. |
| Runt: |
What’s over there? |
| Rita: |
More software companies. More people. More things to explore. |
| Runt: |
Any of them doing well? |
| Rita: |
I don’t know, but I hear there’s a company there called Ketera. |
| Runt: |
Do they make business software too? |
| Rita: |
Yes they do. |
| Runt: |
Do they hold press conferences too? |
| Rita: |
Yes they do. And they even hold conferences where lots of people gather together. |
| Runt: |
And eat? |
| Rita: |
Usually. And I bet the food there is just as good as it is here! |
| Runt: |
Great! Let’s go! |
| Rita: |
Okay, but I think we should take another road. |
| Runt: |
Why? |
| Rita: |
See that Toys ‘R’ Us sign ahead! |
| Runt: |
Yeah! That’s why I’m headed that way! |
| Rita: |
Well, some say its haunted by the ghost of Jimmy Johnson! |
| Runt: |
I’m scared of ghosts, Rita! |
| Rita: |
I know Runt. That’s why I think we should take a different road. But don’t worry, it’s not very far. |
| Runt: |
That’s good. |
| Rita: |
Another song, Runt? |
| Runt: |
Sure Rita! |
| [Rita and Runt] |
Hi-ho! Hi-ho!
Off to San Jose we go! |
| [Runt:] |
We’ll chase our tails! |
| [Rita:] |
And wear our veils! |
| [Rita and Runt] |
Hi-ho! Hi-ho! Hi-ho! Hi-ho! |
|
|
| [Rita and Runt] |
We walked along the ‘Fornia coast |
| [Rita:] |
Searched the trash cans, found our roast |
| [Runt:] |
Manaaged to avoid the ghost |
| [Rita and Runt] |
Sung the songs that we like most
Hi-ho! Hi-ho! Hi-ho! Hi-ho! |
|
|
| [Rita and Runt] |
We’ll find a home, oh yes we will
Maybe it’s beyond that hill
It would be nice just to stay still
And find a place to eat our fill
Hi-ho! Hi-ho! Hi-ho! Hi-ho! |
Closing: Everyone assembles as a group on center stage.
| [Everyone] |
Yes, we’re the sourcing-maniacs
And we’re zany to the max
We hope you were relaxed
And laughed ’til you collapsed
We’re sourcing-maniacs! |
|
|
| [Wakko & Yakko] |
We’re the ‘Riba Brothers |
| [Dot] |
I’m the ‘Riba Sister, Dot |
| [Wakko, Yakko, Dot] |
Just for fun we ran around the corp’rate parking lot
But then got locked in the boardroom after we got caught
But we’ll break loose and then vamoose
It’s our never-ending plot! |
|
|
| [Everyone] |
We’re sourcing maniacs! |
| [Dot] |
I am cute! |
| [Yakko] |
I like to yak |
| [Wakko] |
While Clinton plays the sax |
| [Brain] |
And I’ll collect the tax |
| [Everyone] |
We’re sourcing-maniacs! |
|
|
| [Pinky & Brain] |
Tonight we will take over the entire sourcing-verse |
| [Goodfeathers] |
We’ll always stay together |
| [Slappy] |
I’ll always have my purse |
| [Rita & Runt] |
We had lots of fun |
| [Minerva] |
I sang to you a verse |
| [Everyone] |
The writer flipped; we had no script
Why bother to rehearse |
|
|
| [Everyone] |
We’re sourcing-maniacs!
We have pay-to-play contracts
We’re zany to the max |
| [Yakko] |
There’s baloney in our slacks |
|
|
| [Everyone] |
We’re sourcing-manie,
Totally insaney,
Dollars-in-the-brainy,
Sourcing-maniacs. |
|
|
| [Dot] |
Those are the facts! |
Exit: Lights shift to Slappy at the back of the stage. She places a big red brick in her red purse.
| Slappy: |
Hey writer! |
| Writer: |
Yes, Slappy? |
| Slappy: |
I have something to say to you. |
| Writer: |
Yes, Slappy? |
| Slappy: |
Come closer. |
| Writer: |
Okay, Slappy?
Thunk! Slappy slaps the writer in the face with her purse. Hard! |
| Slappy: |
That’s for not giving me a part! |
Stay Foolish!
The Spend Fool
P.S. The satirical play above, which captured summaries of the conversations that may have taken place in the Ariba Executive suite before the first offer, the Procuri Boardroom when the offer was seriously being considered, and the Emptoris marketing cage when word was leaked that a tentative agreement was reached, among others, will likely be my last post on the subject. I’m sorry to say that I’m out of cast members – and out of story. Furthermore, I doubt there’ll be any indication of future direction until after the deal finalizes, and, thus, nothing more to write about. But then again, the deal is a bit of a mystery and I think everyone’s favorite mystery solving dog is sniffing around …
