Category Archives: Lyrics

the doctor explains the Procurement Alphabet

I would say that you approach them with caution
You should not let them overwhelm you with cheer
Pays to know what you’ll find
To understand their kind
’round here

Drawing their lines,
they look so radical
Tracking their curves
I get so lacrimal
Something deep down reveals they’re tragical

I think I’ve had enough …

It’s a strange alphabet
That’s what I know
But it’s a strange alphabet
We’ve got to follow …

Seventeen years ago I explained the whole numbers. Steve Martin explained the alphabet (but not the Procurement alphabet), and who better to explain the whole numbers than a trained mathematician.

But lately I’m seeing a lot of glossaries and “complete sourcing/procurement guides” that are anything but … so I thought I’d fill in a few basics for you …

A is for Analyst, who pretends to understand
B is for Buyer, with cash in hand
C is for Contractor, lost in Legal land
D is for DEI, now on the witness stand

E is for Equity, where can it be found
F is for Finance, who pay by the pound
G is for Goods, which make the supply chain go round
H is for Hedge, on currencies sound

I is for Insight, desperately needed
J is for Jazz, the hope has been seeded
K is for Kanban, its use exceeded
L is for Legal, its advice unheeded

M is for MRP, technology ancient
N is for Negotiate, done in plainchant

O is for Onboard, suppliers aplenty
P is for Purchase, multiples of twenty
Q is for Quality, often absent-ee
R is for RFX, created by cognoscenti

S is for Supply, critical to success
T is for Tariff, always assessed
U is for UNSPSC, classification coalesced
V is for Vendor, marketing obsessed

W is for Warranty, never enough
X is for Xennial, weary and gruff
Y is for Yardmaster, full of chuff
Z is for Zealotry, Procurement tough

… just to make it clear that the depth and breadth of the space is well beyond what a short glossary or guide can ever hope to address. The Procurement alphabet is not a character alphabet, or even a phonetic or syllabic writing system, it’s a logographic one. One that takes years, if not decades to fully master with all of its global dialects.

But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try.

Distant Early Warning: An “Avoiding the Graveyard” Prelude

An ill stream comes a-flowin’
Across the domains on the web
There’s no swimming in the data barrage
No singing as the hogwash ebbs
Red alert, red alert

It’s so hard to stay on focus
Passing through revolving briefs
We need someone to talk to
And someone to man the reefs
Incomplete, incomplete

The world weighs on my shoulders
But what am I to do?
The vendors drive me crazy
But I worry about you

I know it makes no difference
To what you’re going through
But I see the tip of the iceberg
And I worry about you

Cruising under your radar
Watching from satellites
Take a page from the red book
And keep truth in your sights
Red alert, red alert

Left and rights of passage
Inexperience of youth
Who can face the knowledge
That the truth is not the truth?
Obsolete, absolute

The world weighs on my shoulders
But what am I to do?
The vendors drive me crazy
But I worry about you

I know it makes no difference
To what you’re going through
But I see the tip of the iceberg
And I worry about you

Oh

The world weighs on my shoulders
But what am I to do?
The vendors drive me crazy
But I worry about you

I know it makes no difference
To what you’re going through
But I see the tip of the iceberg
And I worry about you…

Coupa Cabana

Its name was Coupa, it was procurement
For anyone to make a buy, through the browser on first try
And it would guide you and satisfy you
And when you had to order quick
It was just a point and click
Across the crowded net, you could buy with no regret
It was new and the UI was slick
Who could ask for more?

At the Coupa (Cou) Coupacabana (Coupacabana)
The hottest app north of Havana
At the Coupa (Cou) Coupacabana
Procurement passion was always in fashion
And with Coupa you fell in love
Coupa, Coupacabana

It’s UI was clean
It lit up the screen
A buyer would leap from his chair, he saw all the items there
And when he hit buy, auto PO would fly

But money took it oh so far
The stack is now an app bazaar
What was a simple app, a 20 SKU mousetrap
Too much cash and a M&A bash
Tell me who bought who?

At the Coupa (Cou) Coupacabana (Coupacabana)
The hottest app north of Havana
At the Coupa (Cou) Coupacabana
Procurement passion was always in fashion
And with Coupa, you lost your love

(Coupa, Coupacabana)
(Coupa, Coupacabana)
(Coupacabana)
like in Havana
(Coupa, Banana)
Procurement passion was always in fashion

It’s name was Coupa, it was procurement
But that was fifteen years ago, when everyone could go
Now it’s a full stack, but not procurement
Where’s the app they used to share
Made for buyers everywhere

It sits there, so refined, with marketing half-blind
The thrill is gone and so is Davie
Will we lose our mind?

At the Coupa (Cou) Coupacabana (Coupacabana)
The hottest app north of Havana
At the Coupa (Cou) Coupacabana
Procurement passion was always in fashion
And with Coupa you fell in love
Don’t fall in love!
(Coupacabana)
(Coupacabana)

“Shovelling Anthem”

If Redfoo grew up in the North and only did his songwriting in winter …

Shovelling
Yeah
Woo!
Let’s go!

Shovelling is what we do today
Everybody just have a good time (Yeah)
And we gonna go get cold outside (Woo!)
Everybody just have a good time
Shovelling’s what we do ev’ryday (Oh!)
Everybody just have a good time (Come and move it, baby!)
And we gonna go get cold outside (Yeah)
We just wanna see you
Shovel!

In the street: Shovelling
Looking for your girl? She stuck in snow (Huh?)
Neck high ’cause the winds did blow
Booty moving weight when we on the block (Woo!)
Where the road? I gots to know!
Snow pants, warm toques, ’cause I’m oh so cold
Half-fluff, half-packed: it must go
Snowblower jammed, shovels, ho!

I’m shovelling through these drifts in slow mo
I got that backbreaking twist, knee high drifts, snow halo
We shovelling!, yeah, that’s the crew that I’m reppin’
In the search for the road, no Led in our Zeppelin (Hey!)

Shovelling is what we do today (Woo!)
Everybody just have a good time (Yeah)
And we gonna go get cold outside
Everybody just have a good time (Let’s go!)
Shovelling’s what we do ev’ryday
Everybody just have a good time (Come and move it, baby!)
And we gonna go get cold outside
We just wanna see you
Shovel!

Every day I’m Shovelin’ (Shovel)
Shovelin’, Shovelin’ (Shovel)

Get out fast and be the first one to clear your driveway bare
We get shovels, out we go, there’s a – chill in the air
One more lift for us (Another scoop!)
Hope our knees hold up (Another stoop!)
We just want the sight (It’s only fair!)
Black asphalt tonight (We know it’s there!)

Stand up, knees down, point your shovels to the ground
Stand up, knees down, point your shovels to the ground
Stand up, knees down, point your shovels to the ground (Woo!)
Point your shovels to the ground
Point your shovels to the ground (Let’s go!)
Stand up, stand up, stand up
Stand up, stand up, stand up
Stand up, stand up, stand up
Point your shovels to the ground
To the ground
Swing your shovels (Woo!)
Swing your shovels
Swing your shovels
Swing your shovels

Shovelling is what we do today (Swing your shovels, woo!)
Everybody just have a good time (Swing your shovels)
And we gonna go get cold outside (Swing your shovels)
Everybody just have a good, good, good time

Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh (Swing your shovels)
Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh (Come and move it, baby!)
Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh (Swing your shovels)
Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh (Swing your shovels)
Shovel!

Every day I’m shov-shovelin’
Lift them (shovels)
Lift them (yeah)
Lift them (woo!)
(Hands up)
Lift them (shovels)
Swing your shovels
Swing your shovels
Swing your shovels

The first jobs lost to OpenAI were at OpenAI? I LOVE IT!

In honour of the first five jobs that were lost to OpenAI, at Open AI (where it was announced the CEO, president, and 3 senior staff were stepping down and/or let go this week).

To the tune of I Love It by Icona Pop (feat. Charli XCX)!

I got this feeling on the winter day when you were gone
You crashed your car into the bridge
I watched, you let it burn
You threw our shit into a bag and pushed it down the stairs
You crashed your car into the bridge

I don’t care, I love it
I don’t care

I got this feeling on the winter day when you were gone
You crashed your car into the bridge
I watched, you let it burn
You threw our shit into a bag and pushed it down the stairs
You crashed your car into the bridge

I don’t care, I love it
I don’t care

I’m on an Earthern road, you’re in the Milky Way
You want me down on earth, but you’re up in space
You’re so damn hard to find, that AI took over
You said it’d take our jobs, but it f*ck3d you over!

I love it
I love it