Category Archives: humour

It’s Nano Time

You can drive this
You can drive this
You can drive this
You can drive this
You can drive this

My, my, my Nano hits me so hard
Makes me say “Oh, My Lord”
Thank you for blessing me
With a car to drive and two left feet

It feels good, when you know you’re down
A super dope homeboy from Mysuru town
And I’m known as such
And this is a car, uh, you can’t touch

I told you, homeboy
(You can drive this)
Yeah, that’s how we cruising and you know
(You can drive this)

Look at my wheels, jazzy
(You can drive this)
Yo, let me bust the funky hub-caps
(You can drive this)

Fresh new wheels, high five
You gotta like that, now, you know you wanna drive
So move, into your seat
And get a fly girl and catch this beat

While it’s rollin’, hold on
Pump a little gas and let ’em know it’s goin’ on
Like that, like that

Dude on a mission so fall them back
Let ’em know, that you can jive
And this is a car, uh, you can drive

Yo, I told you
(You can drive this)
Why you standin’ there, man?
(You can drive this)
Yo, sound the horn, wheels are in, sucka
(You can drive this)

Give me a song or rhythm
Makin’ em awe, that’s what I’m givin’ ’em
Realize
You talkin’ about Nano, you talkin’ about a drive

It’s hype and tight
Driver’s are chillin’, so give them a light
Or a disc, to learn
What’s it gonna take in the new year to burn

Pink slip? Legit
Either drive hard or you might as well quit
That’s word because you know
You can drive this, you can drive this

Break it down
Stop, Nano time

Go with the funk, it is said
If you can’t roll with this
Then you probably are dead

So pimp your ride on the side
Bust a few moves
And take it for a low ride

This is it, for a winner
Ride in this and you’re gonna look thinner
Drive, park your rump
Just for a minute and let’s all do the bump, bump, bump

Yeah
(You can drive this)
Look, man
(You can drive this)

You better get hype, boy
Because you know you can
(You can drive this)
Honk the horn, your ride’s here

Break it down
Stop, Nano time

Every time they see you
They’ll know you’re so hype
You’re dope on the road and you’re magic with the wheel

Now why would you ever stop driving it?
While other’s making guzzlers that just don’t fit
You can tour around the world, from London to the Bay
It’s “Nano, go Nano, Tata Nano, yo Nano”
And the rest can fade away

You can drive this
You can drive this
You can drive this

Yeah, you can drive this
I told you, you can drive this
Too hype, let’s drive this
It’s way outta here, you can drive this

The Nano Rolls Out on March 23, 2009. (Economic Times)

The Content Art


Upstart Blog
Upstart Blog
Blog Upstart
      
      That Blog Upstart!
That Blog Upstart!
I do not like
that Blog Upstart!

Do you like
the content art?
      
      I do not like it,
Blog Upstart.
I do not like
the content art.

Would you like it
here or there?
      
      I would not like it
here or there.
I would not like it
anywhere.
I do not like
the content art.
I do not like it,
Blog Upstart.

Would you like it
on the page?
Would you like it
from a sage?
      
      I do not like it
on the page.
I do not like it
from a sage.
I do not like it
here or there.
I do not like it
anywhere.

I do not like the content art.
I do not like it, Blog Upstart.


Would you read it
in a box?
Would you read it
in your socks?
      
      Not in a box.
Not in my socks.
Not on the page
Not from a sage.
I would not read it here or there.
I would not read it anywhere.
I do not like the content art.
I do not like it, Blog Upstart.

Would you? Could you?
In a car?
Read it! Read it!
Here they are.
      
      I would not,
could not,
in a car.

You may like it.
You will see.
You may like it
in a tree!
      
      I would not, could not, in a tree.
Not in a car! You let me be.

I do not like it in a box.
I do not like it in my socks.
I do not like it on the page.
I do not like it from a sage.
I do not like it here or there.
I do not like it anywhere.
I do not like the content art.
I do not like it, Blog Upstart.


A train! A train!
Could you, would you,
on a train?
      
      Not on a train! Not in a tree!
Not in a car! Blog, let me be!

I would not, could not, in a box.
I would not, could not, in my socks.
I will not read it on the page.
I will not read it from a sage.
I will not read it here or there
I will not read it anywhere.
I do not like the content art.
I do not like it, Blog Upstart.


Say!
In the dark?
Here in the dark!
Would you, could you, in the dark?
      
      I would not, could not,
in the dark.

Would you, could you, in the rain?
      
      I would not, could not, in the rain.
Not in the dark. Not on a train.
Not in a car. Not in a tree.
I do not like it, Blog, you see.
Not on the page. Not in a box.
Not from a sage. Not in my socks.
I will not read it here or there.
I will not read it anywhere.

You do not like
the content art?
      
      I do not like it,
Blog Upstart.

Could you, would you, in your coat?
      
      I would not, could not, in my coat.

Would you, could you, on a boat?
      
      I could not, would not, on a boat.
I will not, will not, in my coat.
I will not read it in the rain.
I will not read it on a train.
Not in the dark. Not in a tree.
Not in a car. You let me be.
I do not like it in a box.
I do not like it in my socks.
I will not read it on the page.
I will not read it from a sage.
I do not like it here or there.
I do not like it ANYWHERE.

I do not like the content art.
I do not like it, Blog Upstart.


You do not like it.
So you say.
Try it! Try it!
And you may.
Try it and you may, I say.
      
      Blog!
If you will let me be.
I will try it.
You will see.

Say!
I like the content art.
I do! I like it, Blog Upstart.
And I would read it in a boat.
And I would read it in my coat.

And I will read it in the rain.
And in the dark. And on a train.
And in a car. And in a tree.
It is so good, so good, you see!

So I will read it in a box.
And I will read it in my socks.
And I will read it on the page.
And I will read it from a sage.
And I will read it here and there.
And I will read it anywhere.

I do so like
the content art.
Thank you!
Thank you!
Blog Upstart.

No Love for the Oompa Loompas this Valentine’s Day

I thought that maybe, just maybe, things would turn around for the oompa loompas, who had a very tough time last year, with the emergence of the biggest chocolate holiday of the year. But the truth of the situation is that all the news has been bad news since I last reported on their tough time last October.

All we have to do to see that their situation has not improved is take a stroll through the headlines from the past three months:

  • Oct 05, 2008: Melamine in Cadbury Products (CNN)
    When we last checked in, trace amounts of melamine were found in Cadbury chocolate, but further investigation revealed that two products in particular had (dangerously) high levels of melamine.
  • Nov 13, 2008: Kraft Foods to Shut Down Romanian Chocolate Factory
    Kraft, recently caught up in a bribery scandal (SFGate), announced that it is closing down its Brasov, Romania factory and terminating the roughly 440 oompa loompas who work at the location.
  • Jan 02, 2009: Sydney Chocolate Factory Ravaged By Fire
    The Meeks road, Marrickville location of Praline Choclates was gutted by a ravenous fire, putting more oompa loompas out of work, at least temporarily.
  • Jan 28, 2009: Hershey Co. closing West Berkeley Scharffen Berger and San Francisco Joseph Schmidt Plants (SFGate)
    The shutter of two more Hershey factories will put at least another 150 oompa loompas out of work.
  • Feb 02, 2009: Massive Cocoa Spill on the I-79 (WOWKTV)
    A truck carrying 47,000 lbs of cocoa spilled across the I-79. Such a waste. Probably brought tears to the eyes of oompa loompas everywhere. Let’s just hope that the owner of the cocoa does not claim that this spill led to a steep rise in costs, an associated steep decline in profits, and use then use this as justification for even more oompa loompa layoffs.
  • Feb 02, 2009: Private Selection Chocolate Products tainted with Salmonella
    Kroger’s Private Selection and store brands don’t escape the recent salmonella discovery in peanut products and Private Selection Peanut Chocolate Chunk Cookies and Private Selection Chocolate Trios are recalled.
  • Feb 04, 2009: Chocolate Stowaways at Mars Factory
    Fifteen chocolate covered stowaways were arrested after they were found buried in more than 20 tons of cocoa power that was delivered to the Mars factory in Slough, Berkshire.

The continued plight of the oompa loompas is very unfortunate considering that recent studies have found that chocolate and wine improve memory. We should be rewarding them for their hard work, not cutting their jobs and ruining their reputations. So, on this Valentine’s Day, I urge you to think of the oompa loompa plight and buy an extra box of chocolates. They deserve a little love.

Help! I’m Out of Content! What Do I Do Now? (Part III)

Two weeks ago, not being able to imagine what it would be like to be out of content, I culled a top 15 list of ideas of what to do from my fellow bloggers. But they weren’t very entertaining, so last week I outlined ten great ideas that you could use to entertain your readership if you were truly out of content. But I left out my favorite idea — write a satirical, slightly sarcastic, self-deprecating tune. To illustrate this suggestion, I give you “Spend Content Free”.

The following lyrics are to the tune of Consequence Free by Great Big Sea. (Lyrics)

Wouldn’t it be great? No one would ever got offended.
Wouldn’t it be great to show there’s nothing on my mind!
I have always said ‘my blog posts are just space-filling,
And if I just said nothing, would that be such a crime?

I wanna be spend-content free.
I wanna be where nothing needs to matter.
I wanna be spend-content free.
And just write Na Na Na    Na Na Ne Na    Na Na

I could really use, to lose my vendor conscience.
Cuz I’m getting sick of telling the truth all the time!
I won’t abuse it, cuz I’ve got good intentions.
Just a little bit of gossiping, but not the hurting kind.

I wanna be spend-content free.
I wanna be where nothing needs to matter.
I wanna be spend-content free.
And just write Na Na Na    Na Na Ne Na    Na Na

I didn’t miss a wink last night,
cause I have nothing on my mind.
I’d like to post a thought sometimes,
but you know it’s not that easy.

I wanna be spend-content free.
I wanna be where nothing needs to matter.
I wanna be spend-content free.
And just write Na Na Na    Na Na Ne Na    Na Na

Wouldn’t it be great, if sponsorships never ended.
I could miss a post and I would never hear last check.
I wouldn’t need to worry about approval or commission,
I could – run off the track and never worry ’bout the rent.

I wanna be spend-content free.
I wanna be where nothing needs to matter.
I wanna be spend-content free.
And just write Na Na Na    Na Na Ne Na    Na Na