Category Archives: humour

Twas the Night Before Auction

Twas the night before Auction, when all through the plant,
Not a creature was stirring, not even an ant.

The bid sheets were placed by the display with care,
In hopes that a new award soon would be theirs.

The workers were waiting for news from afar,
While visions of bonuses danced in the stars.

The boss with his black tie, and I with my Dior,
Had just readied our guns for a long bidding war

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the desk to see what was the matter.

Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.

The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below.

When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a miniature sleigh, and eight tinny reindeer.

With a little old driver, so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment it must be St. Nick.

More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name!

“Now Dasher! now, Dancer! now, Prancer and Vixen!
On, Comet! On, Cupid! on, on Donner and Blitzen!

To the top of the roof! to the top of the wall!
Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!”

As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky.

So up to the house-top the coursers they flew,
With the sleigh full of Goods, and St. Nicholas too.

And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof
The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.

As I drew in my head, and was turning around,
Down the smoke-stack St. Nicholas came with a bound.

He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot,
And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot.

A bundle of Goods he had flung on his back,
And he looked like a peddler, just opening his pack.

His eyes-how they twinkled! his dimples how merry!
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!

His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And the beard of his chin was as white as the snow.

The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth,
And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath.

He had a broad face and a little round belly,
That shook when he laughed, like a bowlful of jelly!

He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,
And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself!

A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread.

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
Restocking the warehouse, then turned with a jerk.

And laying his finger aside of his nose,
And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose!

He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.

But I heard him exclaim, ‘ere he drove out of sight,
Happy Auction to all, and to all a good-night!”

The Most Often Overlooked Risk in Your Energy Supply Chain?

Is it the grid and the possibility of another great blackout (due to a lack of breakers)?

Is it the unpredictable terrorist act that could blow up a pipeline in North America (which includes friendly Canada)?

No, it’s Sciurus Carolinensis!

One little squirrel in one little circuit-breaker in one little substation can knock out power to 9,000 homes with a single nibble, as FirstEnergy customers in North Royalton found out on Tuesday.

Maybe Dark Verne has the right idea when he thinks we need to Get Rid of that Squirrel!.

Have yourself a Mathematically Correct Breakfast?

Have you ever wanted a mathematically correct breakfast? Well, thanks to George W. Hart, now you can (have one)!

Check out this great page on how to slice a bagel into two linked halves. (Now, if you’re not watching your weight, it will also work on a properly proportioned old-fashioned donut, but I strongly recommend the bagel.)

Hat-Tip to Matthieu Cormier, of Cocoa Mondo, a fellow Haligonian.

It’s Not Easy Being Green

On one of my recent trips over the hedge, I brought you Dark Verne’s song. And I know a few of you wondered what Verne’s song was when he had his dark side under control. Well, that’s simple. He has adopted Kermit the Frog‘s anthem It’s Not Easy Being Green (which was originally written by Joe Raposo and voiced by Jim Henson and which can be found on YouTube).

So, without further ado, here is Verne‘s song.

It’s Not Easy Being Green

It’s not that easy being green
Having to spend each day the color of the leaves
When I think it could be nicer being red, or yellow or gold
Or something much more colorful like that

It’s not easy being green
It seems you blend in with so many other ordinary things
And people tend to pass you over ’cause you’re
Not standing out like flashy sparkles in the water
Or stars in the sky

But green’s the color of Spring
And green can be cool and friendly-like
And green can be big like an ocean, or important
Like a mountain, or tall like a tree

When green is all there is to be
It could make you wonder why, but why wonder why
Wonder, I am green and it’ll do fine, it’s beautiful
And I think it’s what I want to be

FYI: Here is the Over the Hedge song archive to date:
Hammy’s Song,
Hammy Dreaming,
RJ’s Song, and
(Dark) Verne’s Song.