To the tune of First We Take Manhattan by Leonard Cohen.

They threatened me with thirty years of boredom
But I promised that I’d get the best of them
They tried to cubicle me in accounting
But I slipped their grasp and I took purchasing

I’m guided by desire to save money
I’m guided by desire to always win
I’m guided by the beauty of a P.O.
So I slipped their grasp and I took purchasing

I’d really like to cut back spend today
I love the hunt and tactics and strategy
But you see that minute hand winding up to twelve
I’m running, I’m running, running out of time you see

I did my job when we were losers, I did my job when we all got to win
If only you managed risk, but you don’t have the discipline
So now I must put out the fires, before my work begins
Too bad I slipped their grasp and took up purchasing

I don’t like your mismanagement mister
And I don’t like the decisions that you make
I don’t like what happened to you, sister
Did I make a mistake when I took up purchasing?

I’d really like to just do my job today
And get some thanks for all the savings that I find
But Nero plays his plywood violin
   and the factory burns to the ground
Could have had accounting, but I took purchasing

I am guided

Ah remember me, I used to live for the hunt
Strategy and tactics, I would fight to win
But outsourcing put our supply chain in shambles
Could have had accounting, but I took purchasing