To the tune of “When I Was Your Age” by Weird Al Yankovic
  parodied by Gruff Purchaser

Let me tell you sonny… let me set you straight
You kids today ain’t never had it rough
Always had everything handed to you on a silver plate
You lazy brats think nothing’s good enough

Well, nobody ever gave me paper when it was time to cut a PO
We had to use old papayrus that we made ourselves
Worked in the closet twenty two hours a day for just half a cent
Had to sell our internal organs just to feed ourselves

When I was your age. When I was your age
When I was your age. When I was your age

Let me tell you something, you whiny little snot
There’s something wrong with all you kids today
You just don’t appreciate all the things that you’ve got
We were hungry, broken and miserable and we liked it fine that way

There were seventy three of us working in a cardboard box
And our Christmas bonus was a lousy bag of rocks
Every night for dinner, we had a big ‘ol chunk of dirt
If we were really good, we got mud for dessert

When I was your age. When I was your age
When I was your age. When I was your age

Didn’t have no telephone, didn’t have no FAX machine
All we had was a pair of cans and a crummy piece of string
Didn’t have no ERP when I was just a lad
Accounting’s abacus was the closest thing we had
Didn’t have no internet, had to use yellow pages
Didn’t have RFPs, we listened to sages
Didn’t have no e-Auction, we used messenger pigeons
Didn’t have no KPIs, dollars spent was our religion

What’s the matter now, sonny, you say you don’t believe this junk?
You think my story’s wearin’ kinda thin?
I tell you one thing, I never was such a disrespectful punk
Back in my time, we had a thing called discipline

My boss would whoop us every night till a quarter after twelve
Then he’d get too tired and he’d make us whoop ourselves
Then he’d work us until dawn … until we felt the strain
And let me tell ya, Junior, you never heard me complain

When I was your age. When I was your age
When I was your age. When I was your age