The Brain Gives Pinky a Marketing Lesson

Pinky and the Brain
They’re Pinky and the Brain
Yes, Pinky and the Brain
One is a genius, the other is insane
They’re advertising guys
Their mind is on the prize
They’re dinky
They’re Pinky and the Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain,
Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain

Before each night is done
Their plan will be unfurled
By the dawning of the sun
Take over the sourcing world

They’re Pinky and the Brain
Yes, Pinky and the Brain
Their twilight campaign
Is easy to explain
To prove their sourcing grace
They’ll overthrow the space
They’re dinky
They’re Pinky and the Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain,
Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain, NARF!

Pinky Gee Brain, what are we going to do tonight?
Brain Same thing we do every night Pinky – try to take over the Sourcing World!
Pinky How are we going to do that, Brain? Narf?
Brain We’re going to do something different, we’re going to market our strategy to take over the sourcing world!
Pinky And what is our strategy this time, Brain?
Brain I just told you, we’re going to market our strategy to take over the sourcing world.
Pinky I don’t understand Brain. Nog!
Brain Obviously not, Pinky. So let me explain.
Pinky Okay, Brain.
Brain Marketing is a process that enterprises use to try and convince consumers that they want the products or services that they have to offer.
Pinky And how do they do that?
Brain They use advertising to create a positive brand image through mediums that the people they want to buy their products watch or listen to.
Pinky Like when Mr. Cheddam of Australian Cheddam comes on the radio and tells us about how great its golden yellow, rindless block of cheese that combines cheddar and edam is?
Brain Something like that, Pinky.
Pinky And when Mr. Wensleydale describes his lightly pressed and smooth textured offering with a subtle milky flavor that is both clean and refreshing.
Brain Yes, Pinky.
Pinky And when …
Brain YES PINKY! Now let me continue.
Pinky Sorry, Brain. It’s just that I love cheese. So much tastier than these food pellets.
Brain I know Pinky, now pay attention.
Pinky Okay, Brain.
Brain So the goal of marketing is to create brand recognition through advertising on selected mediums. Good marketers do this by trying to create the message that the product or service is what the user wants, at the price point they want it, at a placement that is good for them, using a promotion that appeals to the masses.
Pinky So how are we going to do that, Brain? Narf?
Brain We’re going to post useful content on blogs, sponsor research in our specialty areas using reputable market research companies, and do our best to stimulate discussion amongst people who really know what they’re talking about!
Pinky But didn’t you tell me that the masses were morons and that if our plans didn’t appeal to the loudest commotion demonstrator our plan wouldn’t work? Nog!
Brain That’s lowest common denominator, Pinky – not loudest commotion demonstrator, although that is a good description of the masses we will someday lead – and yes I did. But our goal is not to get our message out to the lowest common denominator, but the intelligent innovators – the leaders of the pack.
Pinky Pack of what, Brain?
Brain The … never mind, Pinky, just never mind.
Pinky Okay, Brain! Narf!
Brain We don’t want clueless morons, we want fearless leaders, who are interested in taking over the sourcing world!
Pinky Why do we want them, Brain?
Brain Because taking over the sourcing world, just like taking over the world, is a lot easier if you have competent lieutenants. Besides, do you want to be doing all the manual labor all the time?
Pinky Uhmmm … no.
Brain Good.
Pinky And why are we trying to take over the sourcing world? I thought you wanted to take over the world?
Brain I do, Pinky. But don’t you remember how I explained that the key to taking over the world is to take over the sourcing world?
Pinky Well, sort of.
Brain One more time, Pinky. The world is global. No one country has all the power. To take over the world, you have to take over all of the major players at once. And what do all of the major players have in common, Pinky?
Pinky Uhmm … cheese production?
Brain No Pinky! NO! NO! NO! They all have supply chains that cross all of their boundaries.
Pinky Supply whats’its?
Brain They all cooperate in global trade.
Pinky But I thought all of the Brain trading cards were destroyed?
Brain No Pinky. They trade goods and service. In terms you can understand, just as Mr. Cheddam of Australia will supply Cheddam to Great Britian, Mr. Wensleydale of Great Britian will supply Wensleydale to Australia. But all of the big cheese makers in all of the big countries participate.
Pinky Got it. Narf!
Brain So, the world is composed of countries that all participate in supply chains that support global trade which is in turn controlled by …
Pinky The Big Cheese Makers?
Brain No Pinky, sourcing professionals. Sourcing, Pinky, Sourcing. And that’s why we have to take over the sourcing world!
Pinky Narf! Okay, Brain! The Sourcing World it is!
Brain That’s right Pinky … so back to our strategy.
Pinky To market our strategy to take over the sourcing world.
Brain Precisely, Pinky. You got it.
Pinky Uhmm … not really. Nog!
Brain So, we’re going to start with the new media – the bloggers who actually post real content and tackle challenging issues.
Pinky But isn’t the point of the web to get as many page-views as possible? And don’t you get more page-views by posting on the popular sites that appeal to the largest cannon debilitaters?
Brain It’s lowest common denominator – and despite all of the hoop-la that most of the web marketers will have you believe, page views are useless!
Pinky But why, Brain?
Brain What good does it do us if a bunch of nitwits who are not interested in taking over the sourcing world click through to our web-site?
Pinky We have a web-site?
Brain Yes, Pinky. It’s part of marketing our strategy to take over the sourcing world.
Pinky Okay … but how come all of the big sites like Google and Yahoo keep telling us that it’s page views that …
Brain Because they’re selling trinkets to morons, you idiot! We’re marketing a strategy to take over the sourcing world!.
Pinky And it’s different because …
Brain Because everyone wants an iPod, Pinky. But not everyone wants to take over the sourcing world!
Pinky But can’t someone want an iPod to listen to while they take over the sourcing world?
Brain That’s not the point, Pinky. We need to appeal to people who are interested in world conquest, not World of Warcraft. We don’t have time to sift through a ton of chaff to find a single grain of wheat — we need the wheat – and just the wheat!
Pinky What’s “chaff,” Brain? Narf!
Brain Precisely, Pinky. Most marketing people can’t tell the difference, either.
Pinky Nog!
Brain So the first thing we need to do is get our message on a leading blog with the targeted audience that we want to reach!
Pinky You mean something like “World Conquest Matters”?
Brain No, Pinky, we aren’t interested in imaginary weapons systems and gossip about who might conquer whom. We need to find out what the next Napoleon is reading!
Pinky Can the next Neopolitan read, Brain?
Brain It’s Napoleon – and of course he can, Pinky! That’s why he’ll be the next Napoleon!
Pinky What does he read?
Brain He reads what every aspiring Napoleon reads: articles about HOW TO TAKE OVER THE SOURCING WORLD!
Pinky But isn’t that a little boring, Brain?
Brain Boring? Just because you have to think a little bit to comprehend the material? That’s not boring. Pinky, I know it might be difficult for you, but for someone who is interested in taking over the sourcing world, it’s intoxicating!
Pinky But will lots and lots of Neopoliticals read it?
Brain It doesn’t matter, Pinky. As long as a few of the Napoleons click through, that’s all we need. Because they are the grains of wheat that we need to help us take over the sourcing world, they’re worth more to us than the tons of chaff that the other sites get.
Pinky What’s “chaff”, Brain?
Brain Precisely, Pinky. Precisely.

Pinky and the Brain
They’re Pinky and the Brain
Yes, Pinky and the Brain
One is a genius, the other is insane
They’re advertising guys
Their mind is on the prize
They’re dinky
They’re Pinky and the Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain,
Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain

Before each night is done
Their plan will be unfurled
By the dawning of the sun
Take over the sourcing world

They’re Pinky and the Brain
Yes, Pinky and the Brain
Their twilight campaign
Is easy to explain
To prove their sourcing grace
They’ll overthrow the space
They’re dinky
They’re Pinky and the Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain,
Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain, NARF!

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