Daily Archives: January 1, 2008

Happy New Year from the Sourcing Maniacs

Yesterday, in Ariba Headquarters in Sunnyvale, California. Thaddeus Plotz and Chicken Boo are in the boardroom, looking rather serious. It’s empty but for a vase of flowers on the table. The intercom is turned on.

Mary Hartless The intercom crackles.
The ‘Ribas are here to see you sir.
Thaddeus Plotz Send them in.
Mary Hartless Right away sir.

The boardroom door opens. Ralph T. Guard escorts the ‘Ribas in, closes the door, and takes a seat.

Yakko Nice to see ya, Thads!
Wakko And look, Chicken Boo’s here too!
Dot Aw, shucks. You got me flowers. You didn’t have to.
Wakko Is there any balony? I’m hungry.
Thaddeus Take a seat, please.
Yakko. Okay!
Yakko takes a chair, proceeds to dismantle it, and starts sticking the pieces in his pocket.
Thaddeus Just SIT Down, please!
Ralph grabs a chair leg as he starts to scowl, even more so than usual.
Yakko, Wakko, & Dot Okay, boss!
The Riba’s sit down.
Thaddeus That’s what I need to talk to you about.
Dot You’re not giving us a new boss again, are you?
Yakko Not that we don’t appreciate your kindness …
Wakko But the last one only lasted a week!
Thaddeus No …
Dot Then we’re finally getting …
Yakko & Wakko A Promotion!
Thaddeus No … not quite … but you can think of it as an advancement if you like.
Dot Really?
Thaddeus Yes. An advancement in your career.
Yakko And how are we advancing if we’re not getting promoted.
Thaddeus Chicken Boo, as the newest chief on our executive team, the honor of telling them befalls you.
Chicken Boo B’-kawk?
Thaddeus Yes, Chicken Boo – it’s your job. They are part of what is now your department.
Chicken Boo Bok.
Bokko, Bawko, Bok … B’k bawk-ko bwwk bwkk-kah bok bokko bok.
Yakko, Wakko, & Dot What?!?!?
Chicken Boo B’k bawk-ko bwwk bwkk-kah bok bokko bok.
Yakko, Wakko, & Dot You’re letting us go? Thaddeus!
Thaddeus Yes?
Dot You’re …
Yakko … letting us …
Wakko go?
Thaddeus Well, someone has to go. We have two people for every job now. Chicken Boo feels that the team he has in mind will serve the needs of the new company quite well. We’ve discussed it at length and I agree that this is the right decision. You’ve been here a long time. I think it’s best for everyone if you moved on.
Ralph Does this … does this mean that … ?
Thaddeus Yes, Ralph. The ‘Ribas are no longer your responsibility.
Ralph But does that mean … that I’m … I’m … ?
Thaddeus No, Ralph. We’re not letting you go. In fact, we’d like you to head up the new security organization responsible for standardizing security across all of our sites.
Ralph An expression of pure joy, the likes of which you’ve never seen, appears on Ralph’s face, along with a grin that you once thought could only appear on the cheshire cat, as he leaps six feet into the air and proceeds to do a triple pirouette.
Thank you sir! Thank you very much! Can I start right away?
Thaddeus Yes you may, Ralph.
Ralph Thank you again sir.
Ralph dances towards the door, singing.
Free at last. Free at last. Never thought I’d see the day. Where I’m free at last!
  The ‘Ribas are looking very solemn.
Yakko But where will we go?
Dot And what will we do?
Wakko And we really like it here … really, really like it here; the balony sandwiches are by far the best I’ve ever had!
Yakko, Wakko, & Dot And we don’t know anything else!
Thaddeus That’s why you need to move on. For your own sakes. Right, Chicken Boo?
Chicken Boo Bwk-ka!
Thaddeus Don’t fret. We’re sure you’ll do fine. And to give you lots of time to find the perfect fit, we’re doubling the standard severance package in your case. Happy New Year!
Thaddeus gets up and starts walking toward the door.
Chicken Boo Bok-ke bok bawk!
Chicken Boo gets up and follows Thaddeus.

The ‘Ribas are alone. They are, for once, silent. Time passes. They just stare at each other. First a minute. Then another minute. Then another minute. Before you know it, almost thirty minutes have passed.

Dot So …
Wakko … so …
Yakko … so … We Move On!
Dot But Where?
Wakko And how do we get there.
Yakko Doesn’t matter. We’ll go.
Wakko But will they have baloney?
Yakko Doesn’t matter. We have money now. We can buy our own.
Wakko Great! I’m still hungry.
Dot You’re always hungry.
Wakko I’m sorry.
Yakko Don’t be sorry! They should be sorry! They’re losing the best team they ever had!
Dot Then why did they let us go?
Yakko Because now that they have Chicken Boo and his team, they’re cocky.
Wakko Cocky’s here? Here boy! Here boy!
Cocky is Wakko’s favorite stray cocker spaniel.
Yakko No Wakko, they’re cocky. Completely whack-o.
Wakko But I’m Wakko.
Yakko Yes … but they’re … never mind. Anyway …
Dot What we do now …
Yakko Yes, what we do now. And what we do now is march out that door and take on the sourcing world!
Dot But what if no one’s hiring?
Yakko Then we’ll consult.
Wakko And if they don’t want us?
Yakko Then we’ll become analysts!
Dot And if the analyst firms are not hiring either?
Yakko Then we’ll blog. We’ll make it, whatever it takes. So let’s go!

Yakko, Wakko and Dot march out of the boardroom, down many flights of stairs, and out through the main lobby, heads held high. They stop on the front lawn.

Wakko This feels weird.
Yakko But we’ve run across this lawn thousands of times over the last eleven years or so.
Wakko Yes … but Ralph’s usually chasing us by now!
Dot I’m going to miss Ralph!
Wakko Me too!
Yakko So am I. But I think I’ll like this new freedom.
Dot So which direction?
Yakko North sounds good.
Wakko And who do we start with?
Yakko I say we start with Aravo and work our way through the sourcing alphabet … all the way to Zycus if necessary!
Dot That could take a while!
Yakko Yes, it could.
Wakko So let’s do it with a song in our hearts!

The ‘Riba’s start marching northward. Their song fills the air.

Yakko We’re off to see Aravo
The wizards of 2Sustain
Wakko We have lots of gustavo
Far as we can ascertain
Dot And if they fail to hire us
Then we’ll find a Bearing Point
Yakko Where we can unleash our suss
As we tear on through the joint
Dot And if we find them lacking
Then maybe we’ll go Compiere
Yakko It’s the time to get cracking
Wakko And get that expensive ERP outta-there
Dot And if we happen to get passed over
We can always leave the valley
Yakko Head out east toward the landlocked border
And take a shot at Denali
Wakko And if we have some time that’s free
Take a trip to good old Burlington
Yakko, Wakko, & Dot It would be nice if we could see
Our friends Pinky and the Brain again
Yakko Then head down south to Tampa Bay
Wakko Where the dolphins are known to play
Dot Investigate the marketplace
At Enporion‘s Florida base
Wakko Then take a trip to the midwest
Yakko To the great lakes on the border
Dot And have a chat with Fi-eldGlass
Help them get their temps in order
Wakko Then down south to Colorado
Dot Where the rockies line the sky
Yakko See if Global Data Mining
Wakko Would like to trade a piece of pie
Dot If not, we could try Hyperion
Wakko Dysfunctional dashboard king
Yakko But didn’t they sell to Oracle?
Dot You’re right – they did for more bling
Dot We could try i2, they’re still around
Wakko Head down to Dallas, and try our luck
Yakko The “Supply Chain Results Company
They’re trying to get out of the ruck
Yakko Or JP Morgan Chase Vastera
Who acquired a company called Xign
Wakko To take payments for Aloe Vera
Or bottles of Great Northern Ice Wine
Dot And if that fails, there’s Ketera
Yakko We could plant them on firm terra
Dot Use our knowledge to help them grow
Yakko And beat Ariba, toe-to-toe
Yakko Then we could take a little break
Wakko And go swimming in a lake
Dot For when it comes to “L” you see
There’s just not much Logility
Yakko Then we can go for Martini‘s
Wakko Which go quite well with linguini‘s
Yakko Or get ourselves some MPower
Wakko With M&M‘s on the hour
Dot Then on to contacts with Nextance
Yakko Or should we now say Versata
Wakko To navigate this expanse
Yakko, Wakko, & Dot We’ll need a longer sonata
Wakko And when we’re done with our cheese gratings
Dot We can be off to Open Ratings
Yakko Now the heart of D&B culture
They’re the classic market risk vulture
Dot And then on to Perfect Commerce
Yakko Just acquired by Europe’s Cormine
Dot Who made them all Euro converts
when they gave them more borrowed time
Yakko And let’s not forget about Quadrem
Dot Whatever it is that they do
Wakko They are headquartered in the Netherlands
Not far from Europe’s human zoo
Dot Or set sights on Rearden Commerce
Wakko Travel agent to the execs
Yakko Book your whole trip in just one verse
Using regression of y on x
Wakko Then if we don’t want to be SAPs
Dot We can go for a little SAS
Yakko Or if we’re in the contract trap
Selectica off of the pass
Dot And if we knew our TrueDemand
Yakko Then we wouldn’t have to be roaming
Wakko Stocking shelves would be quite grand
As long as we weren’t in Wyoming
Yakko We could head north and look for Upside
Dot But I’m afraid of polar bears
Wakko And drowning in the world’s highest tides
Dot Besides it’s much too cold up there
Wakko There’s always standby Vertical Net
Yakko Which was just acquired by Bravo Solution
Dot Flush with cash, they just might make it yet
Yakko If they can cut through the media pollution
Yakko Maybe we should tackle finance
And give WorkDay a fighting chance
Dot Everyone needs an ERP
It’s on-demand, no IT dance
Yakko And if we want to manage vendors
In all of their glorious splendors
Dot Down to Xcitec we could shuffle
Wakko And see what feathers we could ruffle
Dot Then we’ll take another rest
Almost through the alphabet
Wakko A through Z is lots of work
But our duties we will not shirk
Yakko If all else fails then we will tread
To where we’ll find a dollar spread
Dot To Zycus with their bubble charts
Wakko They’ll decorate our racing carts!
Yakko From A to Z, we’ll try them all
Wakko Whether they are big or small
Dot And if we reach the very end
Yakko, Wakko, & Dot Then we will start over again
Yakko, Wakko, & Dot Happy New Year!