Yesterday, in Ariba Headquarters in Sunnyvale, California. Thaddeus Plotz and Chicken Boo are in the boardroom, looking rather serious. It’s empty but for a vase of flowers on the table. The intercom is turned on.
|Mary Hartless|| The intercom crackles.
The ‘Ribas are here to see you sir.
|Thaddeus Plotz||Send them in.|
|Mary Hartless||Right away sir.|
The boardroom door opens. Ralph T. Guard escorts the ‘Ribas in, closes the door, and takes a seat.
|Yakko||Nice to see ya, Thads!|
|Wakko||And look, Chicken Boo’s here too!|
|Dot||Aw, shucks. You got me flowers. You didn’t have to.|
|Wakko||Is there any balony? I’m hungry.|
|Thaddeus||Take a seat, please.|
Yakko takes a chair, proceeds to dismantle it, and starts sticking the pieces in his pocket.
|Thaddeus|| Just SIT Down, please!
Ralph grabs a chair leg as he starts to scowl, even more so than usual.
|Yakko, Wakko, & Dot|| Okay, boss!
The Riba’s sit down.
|Thaddeus||That’s what I need to talk to you about.|
|Dot||You’re not giving us a new boss again, are you?|
|Yakko||Not that we don’t appreciate your kindness …|
|Wakko||But the last one only lasted a week!|
|Dot||Then we’re finally getting …|
|Yakko & Wakko||A Promotion!|
|Thaddeus||No … not quite … but you can think of it as an advancement if you like.|
|Thaddeus||Yes. An advancement in your career.|
|Yakko||And how are we advancing if we’re not getting promoted.|
|Thaddeus||Chicken Boo, as the newest chief on our executive team, the honor of telling them befalls you.|
|Thaddeus||Yes, Chicken Boo – it’s your job. They are part of what is now your department.|
|Chicken Boo|| Bok.
Bokko, Bawko, Bok … B’k bawk-ko bwwk bwkk-kah bok bokko bok.
|Yakko, Wakko, & Dot||What?!?!?|
|Chicken Boo||B’k bawk-ko bwwk bwkk-kah bok bokko bok.|
|Yakko, Wakko, & Dot||You’re letting us go? Thaddeus!|
|Yakko||… letting us …|
|Thaddeus||Well, someone has to go. We have two people for every job now. Chicken Boo feels that the team he has in mind will serve the needs of the new company quite well. We’ve discussed it at length and I agree that this is the right decision. You’ve been here a long time. I think it’s best for everyone if you moved on.|
|Ralph||Does this … does this mean that … ?|
|Thaddeus||Yes, Ralph. The ‘Ribas are no longer your responsibility.|
|Ralph||But does that mean … that I’m … I’m … ?|
|Thaddeus||No, Ralph. We’re not letting you go. In fact, we’d like you to head up the new security organization responsible for standardizing security across all of our sites.|
|Ralph|| An expression of pure joy, the likes of which you’ve never seen, appears on Ralph’s face, along with a grin that you once thought could only appear on the cheshire cat, as he leaps six feet into the air and proceeds to do a triple pirouette.
Thank you sir! Thank you very much! Can I start right away?
|Thaddeus||Yes you may, Ralph.|
|Ralph|| Thank you again sir.
Ralph dances towards the door, singing.
Free at last. Free at last. Never thought I’d see the day. Where I’m free at last!
|The ‘Ribas are looking very solemn.|
|Yakko||But where will we go?|
|Dot||And what will we do?|
|Wakko||And we really like it here … really, really like it here; the balony sandwiches are by far the best I’ve ever had!|
|Yakko, Wakko, & Dot||And we don’t know anything else!|
|Thaddeus||That’s why you need to move on. For your own sakes. Right, Chicken Boo?|
|Thaddeus|| Don’t fret. We’re sure you’ll do fine. And to give you lots of time to find the perfect fit, we’re doubling the standard severance package in your case. Happy New Year!
Thaddeus gets up and starts walking toward the door.
|Chicken Boo|| Bok-ke bok bawk!
Chicken Boo gets up and follows Thaddeus.
The ‘Ribas are alone. They are, for once, silent. Time passes. They just stare at each other. First a minute. Then another minute. Then another minute. Before you know it, almost thirty minutes have passed.
|Wakko||… so …|
|Yakko||… so … We Move On!|
|Wakko||And how do we get there.|
|Yakko||Doesn’t matter. We’ll go.|
|Wakko||But will they have baloney?|
|Yakko||Doesn’t matter. We have money now. We can buy our own.|
|Wakko||Great! I’m still hungry.|
|Dot||You’re always hungry.|
|Yakko||Don’t be sorry! They should be sorry! They’re losing the best team they ever had!|
|Dot||Then why did they let us go?|
|Yakko||Because now that they have Chicken Boo and his team, they’re cocky.|
|Wakko|| Cocky’s here? Here boy! Here boy!
Cocky is Wakko’s favorite stray cocker spaniel.
|Yakko||No Wakko, they’re cocky. Completely whack-o.|
|Wakko||But I’m Wakko.|
|Yakko||Yes … but they’re … never mind. Anyway …|
|Dot||What we do now …|
|Yakko||Yes, what we do now. And what we do now is march out that door and take on the sourcing world!|
|Dot||But what if no one’s hiring?|
|Yakko||Then we’ll consult.|
|Wakko||And if they don’t want us?|
|Yakko||Then we’ll become analysts!|
|Dot||And if the analyst firms are not hiring either?|
|Yakko||Then we’ll blog. We’ll make it, whatever it takes. So let’s go!|
Yakko, Wakko and Dot march out of the boardroom, down many flights of stairs, and out through the main lobby, heads held high. They stop on the front lawn.
|Wakko||This feels weird.|
|Yakko||But we’ve run across this lawn thousands of times over the last eleven years or so.|
|Wakko||Yes … but Ralph’s usually chasing us by now!|
|Dot||I’m going to miss Ralph!|
|Yakko||So am I. But I think I’ll like this new freedom.|
|Dot||So which direction?|
|Yakko||North sounds good.|
|Wakko||And who do we start with?|
|Yakko||I say we start with Aravo and work our way through the sourcing alphabet … all the way to Zycus if necessary!|
|Dot||That could take a while!|
|Yakko||Yes, it could.|
|Wakko||So let’s do it with a song in our hearts!|
The ‘Riba’s start marching northward. Their song fills the air.
|Yakko|| We’re off to see Aravo
The wizards of 2Sustain
|Wakko|| We have lots of gustavo
Far as we can ascertain
|Dot|| And if they fail to hire us
Then we’ll find a Bearing Point
|Yakko|| Where we can unleash our suss
As we tear on through the joint
|Dot|| And if we find them lacking
Then maybe we’ll go Compiere
|Yakko||It’s the time to get cracking|
|Wakko||And get that expensive ERP outta-there|
|Dot|| And if we happen to get passed over
We can always leave the valley
|Yakko|| Head out east toward the landlocked border
And take a shot at Denali
|Wakko|| And if we have some time that’s free
Take a trip to good old Burlington
|Yakko, Wakko, & Dot|| It would be nice if we could see
Our friends Pinky and the Brain again
|Yakko||Then head down south to Tampa Bay|
|Wakko||Where the dolphins are known to play|
|Dot|| Investigate the marketplace
At Enporion‘s Florida base
|Wakko||Then take a trip to the midwest|
|Yakko||To the great lakes on the border|
|Dot|| And have a chat with Fi-eldGlass
Help them get their temps in order
|Wakko||Then down south to Colorado|
|Dot||Where the rockies line the sky|
|Yakko||See if Global Data Mining|
|Wakko||Would like to trade a piece of pie|
|Dot||If not, we could try Hyperion|
|Wakko||Dysfunctional dashboard king|
|Yakko||But didn’t they sell to Oracle?|
|Dot||You’re right – they did for more bling|
|Dot||We could try i2, they’re still around|
|Wakko||Head down to Dallas, and try our luck|
|Yakko|| The “Supply Chain Results Company”
They’re trying to get out of the ruck
|Yakko|| Or JP Morgan Chase Vastera
Who acquired a company called Xign
|Wakko|| To take payments for Aloe Vera
Or bottles of Great Northern Ice Wine
|Dot||And if that fails, there’s Ketera|
|Yakko||We could plant them on firm terra|
|Dot||Use our knowledge to help them grow|
|Yakko||And beat Ariba, toe-to-toe|
|Yakko||Then we could take a little break|
|Wakko||And go swimming in a lake|
|Dot|| For when it comes to “L” you see
There’s just not much Logility
|Yakko||Then we can go for Martini‘s|
|Wakko||Which go quite well with linguini‘s|
|Yakko||Or get ourselves some MPower|
|Wakko||With M&M‘s on the hour|
|Dot||Then on to contacts with Nextance|
|Yakko||Or should we now say Versata|
|Wakko||To navigate this expanse|
|Yakko, Wakko, & Dot||We’ll need a longer sonata|
|Wakko||And when we’re done with our cheese gratings|
|Dot||We can be off to Open Ratings|
|Yakko|| Now the heart of D&B culture
They’re the classic market risk vulture
|Dot||And then on to Perfect Commerce|
|Yakko||Just acquired by Europe’s Cormine|
|Dot|| Who made them all Euro converts
when they gave them more borrowed time
|Yakko||And let’s not forget about Quadrem|
|Dot||Whatever it is that they do|
|Wakko|| They are headquartered in the Netherlands
Not far from Europe’s human zoo
|Dot||Or set sights on Rearden Commerce|
|Wakko||Travel agent to the execs|
|Yakko|| Book your whole trip in just one verse
Using regression of y on x
|Wakko||Then if we don’t want to be SAPs|
|Dot||We can go for a little SAS|
|Yakko|| Or if we’re in the contract trap
Selectica off of the pass
|Dot||And if we knew our TrueDemand|
|Yakko||Then we wouldn’t have to be roaming|
|Wakko|| Stocking shelves would be quite grand
As long as we weren’t in Wyoming
|Yakko||We could head north and look for Upside|
|Dot||But I’m afraid of polar bears|
|Wakko||And drowning in the world’s highest tides|
|Dot||Besides it’s much too cold up there|
|Wakko||There’s always standby Vertical Net|
|Yakko||Which was just acquired by Bravo Solution|
|Dot||Flush with cash, they just might make it yet|
|Yakko||If they can cut through the media pollution|
|Yakko|| Maybe we should tackle finance
And give WorkDay a fighting chance
|Dot|| Everyone needs an ERP
It’s on-demand, no IT dance
|Yakko|| And if we want to manage vendors
In all of their glorious splendors
|Dot||Down to Xcitec we could shuffle|
|Wakko||And see what feathers we could ruffle|
|Dot|| Then we’ll take another rest
Almost through the alphabet
|Wakko|| A through Z is lots of work
But our duties we will not shirk
|Yakko|| If all else fails then we will tread
To where we’ll find a dollar spread
|Dot||To Zycus with their bubble charts|
|Wakko||They’ll decorate our racing carts!|
|Yakko||From A to Z, we’ll try them all|
|Wakko||Whether they are big or small|
|Dot||And if we reach the very end|
|Yakko, Wakko, & Dot||Then we will start over again|
|Yakko, Wakko, & Dot||Happy New Year!|