Category Archives: Lyrics

Is Procurement the Valley of Lost Souls?

Back in 1990, near the end of the hair metal days, Poison released their third studio album called Flesh & Blood with a deep cut called the Valley of Lost Souls. And since Procurement is the Zombie Function of the Enterprise (it’s dying, it’s dead, but it’s still here), I am nominating this as Procurement’s new theme song. If we analyze it carefully, it fits the bill.

I hit the highway
Touch life barely sixteen

… many Procurement newbies who didn’t get moved into the organization as a pre-retirement “reward” are fresh out of college and brand new to the business world …

No angel of mercy
Coming down to save the soul of me

… Procurement is the black sheep of the enterprise and gets no regard, no regard at all …

I took a Greyhound limousine
Straight to grand central NYC

… after all, we have to practice what we preach and cut costs, to the point it hurts

It was ass, gas, or grass, living fast
Nobody rides for free

… and don’t we know it!

Chorus:
Living it up, giving it up
Living in the valley of lost souls

… we have to give up too much to get our savings

Wanting it all, taking the fall
Living in the valley of lost souls

… and when things backfire, even if we’re ordered to make a suboptimal decision, we still take the fall

Miss Misery come ride me
How I love her company

… we have to love her to love this job

She did Boston justice
And wronged all the right out of me

… at the end of the day it’s no wonder why some Procurement professionals accept “Japanese” auction software where a supplier can bid against itself

The devil wears a black suit
He says I’m livin’ like a bum

… and he’s being nice …

So what I’m looking like I’m half dead
A gypsy on the run

… working OT to meet an unrealistic target …

Chorus

Feels like time’s running out on me
… it’s no wonder the average CPO changes jobs at least every 3 years …

But I wasn’t born to play nobody’s fool
… so gotta get out before they push me out

Ain’t nobody gonna hold me down to play nobody’s fool
Ain’t nobody gonna hold me down

… we got resolve … that’s what it takes to do this job …

I’ve got to roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll
… so we change jobs if we must

Chorus

Somebody save me
… because, someday, it may just get too overwhelming …

Spend Rappin’ … The Sequel

Now don’t you give me all that JIVE about code I used before you’s alive
Cause this ain’t nineteen ninety five — ain’t even two thousand and five
Now I’m the guy named Lamoureux and Spend is the one thing that I know
So every year, in summer time, I’ll celebrate it with a rhyme!

Gonna save it, gonna shave it, gonna make it good,
Gonna take it all down through your neighbourhood.
Gonna wring it, gonna sling it till it’s understood.
My rap’s about to happen, like the knee you was slappin;
Or the toe you been tappin’ on a hunk of wood.
‘Bout a two fisted dude, with a friendly attitude
and a sack full of savings for the people on the block.

He’s an old grey beard, maybe looks kind of weird,
and if you ever seen him he could give you quite a shock.

Now people let me tell ya about this guy
the dude who’s still slicing spend through July
Now his wit is out, his gloves on the ground,
best you stay to watch him cut it down.
When this dude gets to work on your spend block,
you will be glued to just one spot,
as the master works at a solid pace,

get a taste of the waste thrown in your face.

this old spend slayer will lay down a heavy layer
of his spend mapping rhythm to a cross-mapped beat
he don’t need no database, just a chunk of spend to trace
and a family of vendors that will roll up neat

I was in a quiet mood, which was good for a brood
as not a sound did abound as he ploughed through the mound

and you will utter a gasp as he slices through the past
lays your mav’rick spend bare faster than a white hare
while you’re up in the attic dealing with the static
that your current spending tool is programmed to give
he’s got an all new app that don’t give a cr@p
about where your data’s from or what form it is in

It’s quick, it’s sharp, and always on the mark
Delivering success on his chinny, chin, chin
it does away with “cubes”, and OLAP attitudes
and treats the spend as a set to be mapped on whim
He’s cool for a fool throwin’ out every rule
every hour of the day when the hot sun shines
Though the beard was-a cleared, I still have never cheered
like I did on that day when he discovered cloud nine

You know I’m right, your spend’s a fright
you need a guide to help you lay it out right
So if you ask him nice, once or twice
he might just show you the hand of sleight
How he syncs disparate data in real time
Whether ERP, Flat File, or API
Without AI or one hundred thousand rules
At a speed that’s so fast, no time to drool

When he gets down to work, this fine old gent
Whips up live reports that are heaven sent
Built on cross-linked filters that stay in sync
As he cross-drills down through multiple data sinks

There are just no words that are fit to describe
How this expert makes your data come alive
The tricks he employs are out of the realm
Of what you will get unless he’s at the helm
You’ve just never seen spend insight like this
When you map your data with his clever twists
Your old Ford engine is now a Mercedes AMG F1
The power at your fingers is second to none

This old spend dude never left the keys
up late till all’s where it should be
But if he were posting here today
he’d say Truthful Spending and to all a good day!

Long time readers know that Sourcing Innovation used to have a Spend Rappin’ holiday tradition until Opera Solutions Acquired BIQ. But even that couldn’t stop the old spend dude, who, after some time off and some contemplative thought, got back to the keys and came up with a whole new approach for do-it-yourself spend analysis that is really so easy your grade schooler could do it (and, sadly, probably do it better than you).

If you haven’t checked it out yet, check out Spendata. As per the doctor‘s deep dive over on Spend Matters (Part 1 and Part 2, registration required), it really is a leap forward in D.I.Y. Spend Analysis. Easy creation and propagation of views using a new concept called filter coins, no more static reports (as every view is a report that can be exported at any time), and no more traditional time-consuming ETL — map, cleanse, enrich on the fly, in real time, in any sequence you like, across any data sets you like, and cross-join and sync ’em all using whatever scheme makes sense to you. Nonsense you say? All we can say is this isn’t grandpa’s spend reporting tool.

It’s Christmas in July. Hence our new Spend Rappin’ tradition begins!

I Write Alone …

While I wait for the World Cup to finish and your focus to return to work, here’s a classic from 2012:

I write alone, yeah
with nobody else
I write alone, yeah
with nobody else
You know when I write alone
I prefer to be by myself

Every morning just before breakfast
I don’t want no bad company
Just me and good buddy lonesome
That’s all I ever need
‘Cause I write alone, yeah
with nobody else
You know when I write alone
I prefer to be by myself

The other night I laid sleeping
And I woke up with inspiration
So I fired up my trusty Macbook
And I turned off dication
And I wrote alone, yeah
with nobody else
You know when I write alone
I prefer to be by myself

The other day I got invited to a circle
But I stayed offline instead
Just me and my trusty text edit
Spinning up a brand new thread
And I wrote alone, yeah
with nobody else
You know when I write alone
I prefer to be by myself

My fellow bloggers done give up on me
But I don’t feel inadequate
That the only ones hanging out with me
Are my dear old LOLCats
And we write alone, yeah
with nobody else
You know when we write alone
We prefer to be by ourselves!

I WILL SURVIVE!

An ode to vendors who need to be forgotten!
Confused? See our piece on Technical Debt

At first, I was afraid, I was petrified
Kept thinking I could never live without you by my side
But then I spent so many nights thinking how you did me wrong
And I grew strong and I will learn to get along

And while you claim brand new function
I just walked in to find you here with the same old dysfunction
I should have changed my phone number
I should have blocked your web domain
If I’d have known for just one second you’d be back with the mundane

Go on now go, walk out the door, just turn around now
’cause you’re not welcome anymore
Weren’t you’re the one who tried to lock my data down?
You think I’d crumble? You think I’d turn my mind around?

Oh, no, not I, I will survive
Oh as long as I know how to buy, I know that I will thrive
I’ve got my wits to give, and I’ve got my years to give
And I’ll survive, I, I, I will survive

It took all my strength to deal with the distress
Trying with all my mind to mend a broken process
I spent so many nights feeling just incompetent
Oh, I cried but now I know I will ascend

And you see me, somebody new
Not that desperate little person still stuck with you
Now don’t come promising features you can’t implement
Now I’m saving all my time for a vendor who is competent

Go on now go, walk out the door, turn around now
You’re not welcome anymore
Weren’t you’re the one who tried to lock my data down?
You think I’d crumble? You think I’d turn my mind around?

Oh, no, not I, I will survive
Oh as long as I know how to buy, I know that I will thrive
I’ve got my wits to give, and I’ve got my years to give
And I’ll survive, I, I, I will survive

Let’s Get Asynchronous!

To the tune of Redfoo’s
Let’s Get Ridiculous!

Yo!

Lets Phreak!
Lets Phreak!

Yo, yo, yo, let’s go!

We’re dialed-in, the signal’s strong,
packets ready, time to switch the network on
The queue is up, meticulous,
c’mon baby, let’s get asynchronous!

C’mon, c’mon, c’mon, c’mon baby, let’s get asynchronous (oh-ohh-oh!)
C’mon, c’mon, c’mon, c’mon baby, let’s get asynchronous (oh-ohh-oh!)
C’mon, c’mon, c’mon, c’mon baby, let’s get asynchronous (oh-ohh-oh!)
C’mon, c’mon, c’mon, c’mon baby, let’s get asynchronous (oh-ohh-oh!)

Wired, linked, signals on the brink. Let’s get-
Wired, linked, signals on the brink. Let’s get-
Wired, linked, signals on the brink.
Networked people! Let’s get asynchronous!

Networked people know the place to be (Hey!),
where the wires bring the two-phase beat
Let’s tap into the web’s heartbeat,
so sit down log in and send a tweet (Yeeah!)
This is how we chat (Hey!),
text, no vocals, characters,
So be a phreak in binary
and when we drop the bits we’re global travelers

And I love to text,
asynchronous is the best jam
Send a tweet, yeah take a chance,
and if ya can’t rock the keys then Instagram
Wanna know a lil something ’bout queues? (Hey!)
They were made for messaging you
A modern form of web voodoo,
they’re fresh, they’re slick, and standardized too

We’re dialed-in, the signal’s strong,
packets ready, time to switch the network on
The queue is up, meticulous,
c’mon baby, let’s get asynchronous!

C’mon, c’mon, c’mon, c’mon baby, let’s get asynchronous (oh-ohh-oh!)
C’mon, c’mon, c’mon, c’mon baby, let’s get asynchronous (oh-ohh-oh!)
C’mon, c’mon, c’mon, c’mon baby, let’s get asynchronous (oh-ohh-oh!)
C’mon, c’mon, c’mon, c’mon baby, let’s get asynchronous (oh-ohh-oh!)

Wired, linked, signals on the brink. Let’s get-
Wired, linked, signals on the brink. Let’s get-
Wired, linked, signals on the brink.
Networked people! Let’s get asynchronous!

All the time I am reading you online
And you so fine I just have to share the lines
You blow my mind, all the crazy tweets you do
I see that you wanna two-phase too,
so baby, lets get asynchronous!

We’re dialed-in, the signal’s strong,
packets ready, time to switch the network on
The queue is up, meticulous,
c’mon baby, let’s get asynchronous!

C’mon, c’mon, c’mon, c’mon baby, let’s get asynchronous (oh-ohh-oh!)
C’mon, c’mon, c’mon, c’mon baby, let’s get asynchronous (oh-ohh-oh!)
C’mon, c’mon, c’mon, c’mon baby, let’s get asynchronous (oh-ohh-oh!)
C’mon, c’mon, c’mon, c’mon baby, let’s get asynchronous (oh-ohh-oh!)