In a dark office basement
Stale air all around
Dank smell of old HVAC
Rising up from the ground
Up the stairs in the distance
I see a shimmering light
My eyes grow heavy and my sight grows dim
I have to stop for the night

Then she stands in the doorway
I hear the mission bell
And I am thinking to myself
This could be heaven or this could be hell
Then she lights up a candle
And she shows me the way
There are voices in the sub-basement
I think I hear them say

Welcome to the Office of Procurement
Such a lovely place (such a lovely place)
Where we fall from grace
Plenty of room in the Office of Procurement
Any time of year (any time of year)
You can find me here

My mind is cost-savings-twisted
Can’t buy the Mercedes-Benz, uh
Sales got a lot of pretty, pretty toys
I work weekends
How they spend without limits
It just blows my mind
While they spend in excess
I have to count the dimes!

So I called up the the Vendor
“Can you spare me some yield”
He said, “We haven’t had those margins here since
Woodstock claimed the field”
And still those voices are calling from far away
Wake you up in the middle of the night
Just to hear them say

Welcome to the Office of Procurement
Such a lovely place (such a lovely place)
Where we fall from grace
They’re livin’ it up at the Office of Procurement
What a nice surprise (what a nice surprise)
Bring your alibis

LED Lights on the ceiling
The Prosecco on ice
And they say, “We are all just prisoners here
Of our own device”
And in the master’s chambers
We gather for the feast
We stab it with our steely knives
But we just can’t kill the beast

Last thing I remember
I was running for the door
I had to find the staircase back
To the place I was before
“Relax”, said the Big Boss
“We are programmed to receive
You can check out any time you like
But you can never leave“