the doctor has been told he’s too hard on Gen-AI. He doesn’t think he’s hard enough, but there are those who keep insisting that Gen-AI has some valid uses. And they’re right, it has some. Not the uses that you need it for, but actual uses nonetheless.

So today, in a rare moment of weakness, he’s going to acknowledge those uses. Soak it in. He may never do so again.

1. Ensure your insurance / bank only covers and lends to people you like.
One of the great things about Gen-AI is that almost all models are biased, and it’s really easy to train them to be as biased as you want. Only want your health insurance to accept only young people between 25 and 40 with no family history or indicators of any illness whatsoever? No problem. Don’t want your bank to approve a loan to anyone who isn’t an all American Christian white? No problem. Race-Biased Gen-AI to the rescue!

2. Have it make up a new story for your child who constantly wants new stories every night.
Train it on thousands of stories kid suitable and it will make up a new story every night (with a high probability of most those stories being safe and suitable — chances are only a few will scare them into therapy). Your kid will be happy (at least until they get scared into therapy) and your brain will get the rest it needs at night (so it can start worrying about how it’s going to pay for that therapy). Put those constant hallucinations to use. It’s your own personal Scheherazade, with just a little bit of Grimm and occasionally a bit of King (Stephen).

3. Incite the mob.
Need a mob behind you to get your cause front page on the headlines? Incite a mob to cover your theft attempt at a corporate headquarters above a luxury department store? Maybe even help you overthrow a capitol? No sweat! Program that Gen-AI to be as hateful and incitory as possible and have it pump out fake news propaganda 24/7 until you have the mob you need on your side and there you go!

4. Scam the Scammers. (Or at least keep them busy and out of your inbox.)
Most scammers will keep trying as long as someone is responding to them (and eating up their time). Guess what AI has a lot of — GPU time. Most models have 10,000 (or more) GPUs at their disposal. That’s a lot of scammers an AI can tie up for you. (Especially if they can’t differentiate easy pickings Grandpa Joe from a very agreeable but completely broke GrandpAI Joe.)

5. Take down a rival’s network.
Simply train in some sleeper behaviour for a few months into the future, and once the competition is done with their tests and trust it … poof … down goes their network.

And if you want to be truly evil, you can always use Gen-AI to

6. Ensure your terror campaign is as lethal as possible.
We’ve read the stories of how even recent tests of self-driving systems decided to ignore the shadows of what were actually people RIGHT in front of them and drive into those shadows at full speed. A few minor alterations and instead of avoiding people-like figures and shadows, it will be the murderous trolley that tries to kill as many as possible. And who says you have to limit it to trolleys? Use it to program bomb-bearing drones and it will seek out the densest crowd possible. And so on. And yes, we went to a very dark place, but just where do you think AI is taking us? There are currently NO bright outcomes. Ponder that before you go singing its praises.

Of course, if you just want to be a little chaotic around the house, and only take that first step down the dark path, just hook up it’s hallucinatory outputs to a random direction generator and use it to:

7. Power your Roomba.
Your pets will think it’s truly possessed!

So there you go — 7 valid uses of Gen-AI. You decide how many of them you want to use.