“GPO”*1
by Dot and the ‘Riba Brothers
Dot
Little GPO, you’re really lookin’ fine
Three staplers and a printer only $389!
Loadin’ up the shoppin’ cart in the e-checkout line
C’mon and fill it up, check it out, get it now, GPO
Wakko and Yakko
Wo wo, wo wo wo wo wo
(yeah yeah, little GPO)
Wo wo, wo wo wo wo wo
(yeah yeah, little GPO)
Wo wo, wo wo wo wo wo
(ah, little G-P-O)
Dot
You oughta see it on your system on the LCD
This little modified network has got plenty for thee
She beats the punch-outs and the catalogues, its our guarantee
Just read the fine print, exemptions, legal tint, GPO
Wakko and Yakko
Wo wo, wo wo wo wo wo
(yeah yeah, little GPO)
Wo wo, wo wo wo wo wo
(yeah yeah, little GPO)
Wo wo, wo wo wo wo wo
(ah, little G-P-O)
Dot
Time to save all your money and buy a GPO
Indeminity and some IT and you’ll be ready to go
Roll it out to your buyers and let ’em know
That it’s the only game in town
Little buddy, gonna lock you down
When you turn it on, let it loose, start to buy, GPO
Wakko and Yakko
Wo wo, wo wo wo wo wo
(yeah yeah, little GPO)
Wo wo, wo wo wo wo wo
(yeah yeah, little GPO)
Wo wo, wo wo wo wo wo
(ah, little G-P-O)
Stuck in Procurement with Ariba Lite*2
by Ralph T. Guard*3
Doctor*4, every day I have to source some stuff
Doctor, listen to me, tell me it’s not slough
First I’m goin’ shoppin on Ariba Lite
Then all of a sudden things aren’t quite right
I search for thongs and everybody gets a fright
Undies and flip flops are displayed in plain site
Now Doctor, wait a minute, you ain’t heard nothing yet
Next comes the part that I won’t ever forget
Now I’m being coerced by some Chinese spies
To buy some toothpaste and a box of dies
Suddenly I’m locked out from buying office supplies
I click a wrong link and that’s when I realize
I’m stuck in procurement with Ariba Lite
I’m stuck in procurement with Ariba Lite
Day after day and night after night
Not right!
Doctor, won’t you tell me, am I going insane
Was it something they did or something wrong with my brain
See I’m surfin’ the web when I find a great deal
Want to buy, but my hands have been tied to the wheel
Stuck in fourth gear in a runaway automobile
Drivin in circles forever on a roulette wheel
I’m stuck in procurement with Ariba Lite
I’m stuck in procurement with Ariba Lite
Day after day and night after night
And I can’t bust out and I can’t break free
And its getting just a little too stuffy here for me
And I can’t go home and I can’t get loose
And I try to escape but it’s just no use
And I can’t ever leave and I can’t ever win
And I’m runnin’ out of air and the walls are closin’ in
And I can’t go back and I can’t get through
But Ariba since you’re here, why don’t you let me buy a six-shot from you
Come on Ariba, come on!
Ow, ’cause
Doctor, every day I think I’m losing my mind
That’s right, I even think that I’m being maligned
See, I’m coming here from work but I just can’t forget
I’m half an hour late and covered in sweat
Tried to buy a rope but Ariba wouldn’t let
me fill up the shopping cart unless I agreed to debt
I’m stuck in procurement with Ariba Lite
I’m stuck in procurement with Ariba Lite
Day after day and night after night
I’m stuck in procurement with Ariba Lite
Stuck in procurement with Ariba Lite
D-d-d-day after day and night after night
Then I’m stuck in procurement with Ariba Lite
(ya-ya ya-ya, ya-ya, ya, ya-ya)
I’m stuck in procurement with Ariba Lite
Day after day and night after night
Then I’m stuck in procurement with Ariba Lite
(ya-ya ya-ya, ya-ya, ya, ya-ya)
I’m stuck in procurement with Ariba Lite
*1 To the tune of “GTO” by Ronny and the Daytonas
*2 To the tune of “Stuck in a Closet with Vanna White” by Weird Al Yankovic
*3Ralph has the miserable job of trying to keep the sourcing maniacs in check. Given his limited intelligence, and the multiple concussions he has received from anvils and other heavy objects being dropped on his head, he tends to be rather unsuccessful. As a result, he has become rather reclusive, as his outlook on life has become quite dark, and that’s why we don’t hear from him very much.
*4Dr. Otto Scratchansniff
