Category Archives: Lyrics

The Boxing Day Blogger’s Lament

Sorrow is my own yard
where the new grass
flames as it has flamed
often before, but not
with the cold fire
that closes round me this year.

For five straight years
On this day we spend rapped.
The web page is white today
no insights from grey beards.
Insights on spending
once filled many pages
put colour in our cheeks.

Yellow and some red,
but the grief in my heart
is stronger than they,
for though they were my joy
formerly, today they are absent
and we do miss old grey beard.

Today a bird told me
that in the meadows,
at the edge of the heavy woods
in the distance, he saw
a glimpse of grey beard.
I feel that I would like
to know that
the old grey beard will return
and bring us a spend rap again.

Your SI! (Repost)

To the tune of “UHF”
by Weird Al Yankovic, who completed the soundtrack to the cult classic UHF 25 years ago today.

Put down your old-school textbook
Throw out your online Guide
Put away your jacket
There’s no need to go outside

Don’t you know that we control the horizontal
We control the vertical, too
We gonna make a sourcing leader out of you
That’s what we gonna do now

Make it your home-page
Don’t touch that dial
We got it all on Your SI!

Kick off your sneakers
Stick around for a while
We got it all on Your SI!

Don’t worry ’bout ISM
Forget about the glitz
Just resize the window
And kill your favorites
We got it all, we got it all,
we got it all on Your SI!

Disconnect the phone and leave the iPhone in the drawer
You better put away your paper
Prime time ain’t no time to weave
Time to go and make yourself a TV dinner
Press your face right up against the screen
We gonna tell you things you’ll wanna believe
If you know what I mean, now

Make it your home-page
Don’t touch that dial
We got it all on Your SI!

Kick off your sneakers
Stick around for a while
We got it all on Your SI!

Don’t worry ’bout ISM
Forget about the glitz
Just resize the window
And kill your favorites
We got it all, we got it all,
we got it all on Your SI!

You can read it all day
You can read it all night
You can read it any time that you please
You can sit around and stare at your big flat screen
‘Till your brain explodes from the caffeine

Well, now

Make it your home-page
Don’t touch that dial
We got it all on Your SI!

Kick off your sneakers
Stick around for a while
We got it all on Your SI!

Don’t worry ’bout ISM
Forget about the glitz
Just resize the window
And kill your favorites
We got it all, we got it all,
we got it all on Your SI!

We got it all on Your SI! (Your SI)
We got it all on Your SI! (Your SI)
We got it all on Your SI! (Your SI)

We got it all on Your SI! (We got it all!)
We got it all on Your SI! (Your SI)
We got it all on Your SI! (Your SI)
We got it all on Your SI! (Your SI)

We got it all on Your SI! (We got it all!)
We got it all, we got it all,
we got it all on Your SI!

Procurement Key Issues for 2014 from the Hackett Group, Part I

In song, to the music of Where the Rubber Meets the Road by Meatloaf.

Somewhere some buyer’s crazy
And some Rep’s half out of her head
Now the CPO’s fearless
And hopes they won’t wind up dead
Somewhere two fists are pounding
And they don’t care what’s correct
Somewhere somebody’s walking the wire
Without a safety net …

Son, I’m Mr P.C.
And believe you me
I’m the ultimate king of correct
And if you wanna make it
You gotta make them take it
As a sign of your deep respect
If you’re gonna do it
You gotta see through it
To the honour-bound duty it is
You can call Branding absurd
And flip Agencies the bird
Just remember what your mission is …

When the rubber meets the road
Welcome to Procurement mode
Used to be deals were a firm handshake
Now the rubber meets the road

Ya say “Girl, you’re a beauty
But I’m no beast
I got a little contract right here
See, we can slam on the brakes
Anytime we got the stick
Even if we’re in fourth gear”
Rep in the front seat
Lawyer in the back seat
Gettin’ it on the dotted line
Got a snake in the bed
Lord, hissin’ on the headboard
Trying to lure you offside

Where the rubber meets the road
Welcome to Procurement mode
Used to be deals were a firm handshake
Now the rubber meets the road
Where the rubber meets the road
Buyer meets Rep then watch it explode
Yes means no means yes means no
Where the rubber meets the road!

Somewhere some buyer’s crazy
And some Rep’s half out of her head
Now the CPO’s fearless
With hopes they won’t wind up dead
Somewhere two fists are pounding
And they don’t care what’s correct
Somewhere somebody’s walking the wire
Without a safety net …

The Tower of Spend (Repost)

This post originally aired on March 10, 2007.

Well my wits are gone and my hair is grey
I spend in categories where I used to save
And I’m crazy for help, but I’m here getting none
I’m just shuffling papers every day
Oh in the tower of spend

I said to Ignacio Lopez: how bad does it get
Ignacio Lopez hasn’t answered yet
But I hear him pacing all night long
A hundred floors above me
In the tower of spend

I was made for this, I could not sway
I felt that purchasing would show me the way
Out of corporate drudgery to the beyond
But they stuck me in the dungeon
In the tower of spend

So you can stick your little pins in that voodoo doll
Because it looks like I’m going to be nailed to the wall
There’s no light from the window when it should be strong
A total lack of visibility
In the tower of spend

Now you can say that I’ve grown bitter, but of this you can be sure
If I can not track my spend I’m going to end up poor
There’s a mighty judgement coming, and I sure hope I’m wrong
You see, I’m drowning in paperwork
In the tower of spend

I see you standing on the other side
I don’t know how the chasm got so wide
We were the same, way back when
And all the bridges are burning that I might have crossed
Still I feel so close to everything that I lost
Don’t want to lose it again

Now I bid you farewell, I don’t know when I’ll be back
They’re moving me tomorrow even further down the track
You won’t be hearing from me again, after I am gone
I’ll be drowning in the darkness
From a dungeon in the tower of spend

Yeah my wits are gone and my hair is grey
I spend in categories where I used to save
And I’m crazy for help, but I’m here getting none
I’m just shuffling papers every day
Oh in the tower of spend

Purchasing Blues Redux

Well, it’s time to raise a fuss
  and it’s time to raise a holler
About diminishing returns
  from the almighty dollar
I just heard from my boss
  who governs me
If I don’t save the cash
  he’s gonna fire me

Sometimes I wonder
What I’m gonna do
If there ain’t no cure
For the Purchasing blues

My CPO he told me to
  go beat on the supplier
That his margins must be high
  while ours are under water
So I talked to the supplier
  he said costs were elevated
He was losing all his money
  at the rates we had created

Sometimes I wonder
What I’m gonna do
If there ain’t no cure
For the Purchasing blues

So I found a consultant
  told her about my problems
She discovered that
  the supplier was not stalling
Material costs were rising
  and the exchange rate was bad
I had wasted all my time
  just acting stark raving mad

Next time I have a problem
  I’ll find me a solution
I’ll find a sourcing expert
  and get my retribution

No more will I wonder
  What I’m gonna do
I’ll find me a cure
  For the Purchasing blues