Category Archives: Lyrics

An Ode to Suites …

No matter what you think you’ve done
You’ll find it’s not enough
No matter what you think you know
Buyers have it tough

It’s a given, startup law
Someone’s faster on the draw
No matter where you hide
They’re comin’ after you

Now matter how the race is run
It always ends the same
Your customers abandon you
For a newer SaaS play

You can shake it for a while
Live it up in style
No matter what you do
They’re comin’ after you

Shakedown, breakdown, takedown
Everybody wants into the crowded space
Breakdown, takedown, you’re ousted

Let down, your guard, honey
Just about the time you think that it’s alright
Breakdown, takedown, you’re ousted

This is a town where everyone
Is racing for the top
This is a place where second best
… will never do

It’s O.K. to want to shine
But once you step across that line
No matter where you hide
They’re comin’ after you

Shakedown, breakdown, takedown
Everybody wants into the crowded light
Breakdown, takedown, you’re ousted

Shakedown, breakdown, honey
Just about the time you think that it’s alright
Breakdown, takedown, you’re ousted

Money For Nothing / Silicon Procurement

(the birth of the modern procurement, in song)
(to the tune of Money for Nothing/Beverly Hillbillies by Weird Al Yankovic,
which is to the tune of Money for Nothing by Dire Straits)

Silicon
Silicon

Silicon Procurement

Huh, now look here people
Listen to my story
A little story ’bout a man named Glen
You know something, that poor veteran
They say he barely kept his teammates fed

Now let me tell you, one day he was workin’
Poor Glen was workin’ for some dude
When all of a sudden, from out of nowhere
Well, there can an idea crude

E-Auctions, well, maybe you call it
Yankee or Japanese
He gotta compete with Mr. Ellison
And be in Silicon Procurement

Before you know it, all the kinfolk are a-sayin’
Yeah, buddy, you gotta be there
That little mogul built up his value prop
That little mogul became a millionaire

Now everyone said California
Is the place that you oughta be
He gotta package his assets
He got to move to Californ-ee
Palo Alto

e-Auctions
Big savings across the board
Yes!
Look at that, look at that!

Silicon, Silicon, Silicon Procurement
Y’all bid again, hear?
Silicon, Silicon, Silicon Procurement
Silicon, Silicon, Silicon Procurement
Silicon, Silicon, Silicon Procurement

Buying for a Living

Somedays won’t end ever
But no days pass on by,
I’ll be buying here forever,
At least until I die,
Dammed if I source,
Dammed if I don’t
I’m supposed to get a break next week,
you know damn well I won’t.

Buyin’ for a livin’ (Buyin’)
Buyin’ for a livin’ (Buyin’)
Buyin’ for a livin’, livin’ and a-buyin’
I’m taking what they’re giving, ’cause I’m buying for a living

Hey I’m not complaining ’cause someone needs to spend
But beating up the vendor got me feeling fully spent
Hundred dollar cell phone, two hundred shipped
A new budget on Friday, but it’s already stripped

Buyin’ for a livin’ (Buyin’)
Buyin’ for a livin’ (Buyin’)
Buyin’ for a livin’, livin’ and a-buyin’
I’m taking what they’re giving ’cause I’m buying for a living

Whoa, buyin’ for a livin’ whoa, taking what they’re givin’
Whoa, buyin’ for a livin’ whoa, ooh

Sales rep, marketer, customer service
CEO, PR rep, account manager
Working the trade shows, they’re really all the same
Selling goods, creating need, just another day

Buyin’ for a livin’ (Buyin’)
Buyin’ for a livin’ (Buyin’)
Buyin’ for a livin’, livin’ and a-buyin’
I’m taking what they’re giving ’cause I’m buying for a living.

Buyin’ for a livin’, livin’ and Buyin’
I’m taking what they’re giving ’cause I’m Buying for a living.

Use IT or Lose IT!

No-bid quick buy, another overspend
You know Finance wasn’t involved again
I said hey, you, what you gonna do …
when audit comes for you?

Use it or lose it
Sweet pain is the name of the game
I said hey, hey, hey

You better use it, before you lose it
You better use it, don’t throw it away, hey
You better use it, before you lose it
You better use it, don’t throw it away, hey
Hey, hey, hey, don’t throw it away, hey

e-Sourcing, e-Procurement tools
Now online SaaSApps, subscription pools
I said hey, you, what you gonna do …
when audit comes for you?

Use it or lose it
Process is on your side
I said hey (hey), hey, hey, hey

You better use it, before you lose it
You better use it, don’t throw it away, hey
You better use it, before you lose it
You better use it, don’t throw it away, hey
Hey, hey, hey, don’t throw it away, hey

Sweet pain is the name of the game
I said hey, hey, hey

You better use it, before you lose it
You better use it, don’t throw it away, hey
You better use it, before you lose it
You better use it, don’t throw it away, hey
Hey, hey, hey, don’t throw it away, hey

Don’t throw it away.

Vendors They Are Complainin’

come gather ’round vendors
wherever you roam
and admit that the methods
around you have grown
and accept it as truth
tech reviews set the tone
if your time to you
is worth savin’
then you better accept it
or you’ll sink like a stone
for the time’s they are a-changin’

come purchasers, sourcerors
rally the call
don’t stand in the doorway
don’t block up the hall
subjectivity
it will cause you to stall
there’s a battle outside
and it’s ragin’
it’ll shake up you platforms
and rattle your apps
for the times they are a-changin’

come buyers and sellers
throughout the land
don’t let vendors fault
what you can understand
as market assessments
are beyond our command
the old ways are
rapidly agin’
push those out of the new one
if they can’t lend their hand
for the times they are a-changin’

In case you haven’t figured it out, SolutionMaps launched last month to the delight of practitioners who can get a 100% unbiased tech. vs customer view, and the disdain of a handful of vendors who (complain for weeks because they) think we should take more subjective factors such as long-term roadmap, innovation, market size, customer size and complexity, product strategy, market strategy, etc. etc. etc. into account (so our maps will look more like the other tragic quadrant and grave reports).

While we all readily and wholeheartedly agree that these are all extremely important factors in your vendor selection, none of these are relevant in platform due diligence, which is the first thing you need to do before considering a vendor for your shortlist. (If the platform can’t do what you need it to do, it doesn’t matter how great the vendor’s organization is.) Since this is the hardest thing for a relatively non-technical Procurement (or Finance) person to do, this is what, and only what, we focus on — verifying that the foundations of the platform are solid and that key requirements for the module / suite functionality we evaluate are there. If a vendor platform gets a good analyst score, you can be sure it’s solid. If a vendor gets a good customer score, you can be sure the vendor has a history of delivering on what they promise and/or providing great service. If a vendor gets good analyst and customer scores, then, for their target market, they are a great fit.

However, as we make clear in this white paper on How to Use SolutionMaps, just because a vendor is great for their current customers in their target market, that doesn’t mean they’re great for you. If their target market is mid-size companies and you are a F500, or vice versa, then they might not be a good fit for you. That’s where you have to do your market research and focus your pre-qualification RFIs — on the business, market, services/support, and other non-tech factors that are relevant to you. With SolutionMaps you know that if a vendor does well, you don’t have to ask 500 feature/function questions in the pre-qualification RFI, only general questions about the vendor’s confidence and capability to support the key processes you are looking to digitize and automate.

Our goal in creating SolutionMaps (and the doctor led the creation of the majority of the common platform elements; the sourcing, supplier management, and analytics maps; and the first iteration of the CLM map, that has only changed about 30% since) was to flip the traditional technology platform RFI process in Procurement on its end as we saw too many companies focussing too much on tech (usually starting from free meaningless feature/function RFIs), which they didn’t know, and not enough on their business needs, which only they know. With SolutionMaps, they have confidence in the technical capability of the vendors, and can focus on everything else that’s important to their organization (and not the subjective whims of an analyst who has to rate a large number of relatively non quantifiable factors. Since all of the elements we evaluate have a pre-defined technical scoring scale, all analysts evaluate the technical capabilities equally and the maps are computed using pre-defined mathematical formulas with no analyst input whatsoever once the scoring is done).

In other words, the maps were designed to help you as practitioners identify a group of vendors to send a pre-qualification RFI to, not for vendors to use as marketing tools (but they certainly can, as it’s undisputable proof they have a great platform if they show up).

So, as you can imagine, after every release,

The Vendors They Are Complainin’