To the Tune of “Christmas Rappin'” by Kurtis Blow

Don’t you give me all that JIVE about code you used before I’s alive,
Cause this ain’t 1965 – ain’t even 1999!
Now I’m the guy named Lamoureux and Spend is one thing that I know.
So every year, just about this time, I celebrate it with this rhyme!

Gonna save it, gonna shave it, gonna make it good,
Gonna take it all down through your neighborhood.
Gonna wring it, gonna sling it till it’s understood
My rap’s about to happen, like the knee you was slappin;
Or the toe you been tappin’ on a hunk of wood.

‘Bout a two fisted dude, with a friendly attitude
and a sack full of savings for the people on the block.
He’s an old grey beard, maybe looks kind of weird,
and if you ever seen him he could give you quite a shock.

Now people let me tell ya about last year
when the dude came slicing spend through here.
Well the wit was out, the gloves on the ground,
folks stayed to watch him cut it down.

The beat was thumping on the block,
and they were glued to just one spot,
as the master cubed at a solid pace,
…
got a taste of the waste thrown in your face.
…

And this old spend slayer laid down a heavy layer
of his slicing dicing rhythm to a tree-mapped beat.
And the guy with the database started to participate,
and I could sure appreciate the spend roll up neat.

We were all in the mood so we had a little brood,
not a sound did abound, as he plowed through the mound,
then I thought I heard a gasp as he sliced through the past,
and laid our mav’rick spend bare, as I flopped into a chair.

So I went to the attic where I thought about the static
that our last spending tool was programmed to always give.
And I threw up my arms at the industry yarns,
Just a trick, a nick, and I’d let the suckers in.

He was quick, he was sharp and always on the mark,
he had a lot of success on his chinny, chin, chin.
He avowed, he was proud of the savings he allowed
from the tip of the ‘burg he found the savings within.

He’s cool for a fool throwin’ out every rule
every hour of the day when the cold winds blow.
Though the beard was-a cleared, I still have never cheered
like I did in the storm when I was in the know.

I said you’re right, my spend’s a fright,
Can you stop for a drop before you have to go?
He said “Sure, Bill, if the wine is chilled
and I’ll stake a steak down at the Monaco”.

So we went out back and discussed the stack
of invoices that had all been over-paid
and every dollar spent off of the contract
and then we laid it all bare till we made the grade.

And before he went this fine old gent,
finding gifts went to sift through his spend reports.
From the top to the bottom he reached in and got ’em,
spend trends for me, and variances from torts.

And the higher-ups got presents too,
Banned suppliers and a stale contract.
A bloated pie ’bout as clear as the sky,
the best that money couldn’t buy.

Cause money could never ever buy the feelin,
the one that comes when there’s no concealin’
of your spend by a tool that’s new
and that’s what Strovink’s does for you.

The dude ya read’s back at the keys,
up late till all’s where it should be.
But if he were right here tonight,
he’d say Truthful Spending and to all a good night!

This post originally ran a year ago today.