Top 10 Ways to Be a Procurement Influencer on LinkedIn! Part II

As per part I, the votes have been counted and apparently everyone wants … an Influencer!

Not a consultant. Not a practitioner. Not an educator. And definitely not a leader!

So now you too want to be an Influencer! Hell yeah!

So how do you become the Preeminent Procurement Influencer! Either ask THE PROPHET, the OG Influencer, or just follow this top 10 list and you’re virtually guaranteed to succeed!

05. Krazy KPI Kompulsion

We all know you can’t manage what you can’t measure, and what’s better than a metric? A Key Performance Indicator metric. And what’s better than a Key Performance Indicator? A whole page of Key Performance Indicators organized into super cool looking (but inherently unusable) dashboards that are the perfect eye candy! Remember to pump one of these out at least once a month, and every quarter replace a metric or two and explain how the metric you replaced was outdated and not outcome focussed, because we’re all about outcomes, right?

And again, if it’s not overwhelming, it’s not done right!


Using ProjectManagement.com so as not to embarrass any Procurement Application.

04. Shape Supplier Superstars

Remember to remind those Procurement professionals weekly that their failures are not their fault! It’s their suppliers who are not performing up to par. All they have to do to improve their performance is ensure that their suppliers step up their performance because, then, good things will magically happen! On top of that, given them a checklist of relationship management things to do, mention a platform or two, one or two metrics and … abracadabra … things are going to magically get better. (Ignore the fact that there is no supplier improvement unless someone puts in a lot of work and that many Procurement professionals don’t have the time or the knowledge to put together the detailed operational improvement plans needed to improve supplier performance.) And don’t forget #08 when you do it. The best way to inspire collaboration is motivation, right?

03. Procurement Maturity Models

Create a matrix, preferably Five By Five, because that is the best signal strength with the best clarity after all (even though you’re not an engineer and don’t understand what that means). Plus, it’s the golden ratio for Maturity Models (it’s not, but you’re not a mathematician, because, if you were, you’d use Eight by Five for the Nine to Fives as that’s closer to the golden aspect ratio). So just pump it out, don’t worry about how accurate it is, or, more likely, how useful it is, and just keep on listening to your Ella Mae Morse.

02. Logo Maps

Just slap 100+ logos on a page, divide them up, make up some labels, get bonus points if you can do Venn Diagrams, and look like you are a super Guru of ProcureTech. Ignore the fact you have little to no formal technical background, can’t differentiate SIM vs SRM vs SPM vs SUM vs SCM vs SOM vs SNM vs SEM vs SQM vs SDM (and think the doctor is just making this up when he’s not and one of the handful [literally, you can count us on your fingers on one hand]) of OG analysts who have been around for over two decades (with a solid background in computer science [and applied mathematics, which is considerably more important than you think if you want to analyze advanced analytics, optimization, RPA, and ML/AI technology and not just take the vendor BS marketing at their word]) when you probably struggle to differentiate sourcing vs. procurement vendors (given all the marketing noise they make these days). (And remember, whatever you do, don’t make those logos clickable! No one cares what the squiggle actually represents … it’s all about the cool graphic!)

01. Agentric AI is the Future!

There’s nothing a Procurement professional likes more than the night train than the Hype Train! (After all, thanks to the nonstop Big Tech, Big Analyst, and Vendor Marketing onslaughts, they’ve all been Blinded by the Hype!.) So keep telling them how great it’s going to be when Agentric AI does their job for them (and ignore the fact that companies are hoping they can use Agentric AI to fire them).

And that’s all there is too it! Follow these 10 steps and you too can be the next Procurement Influencer with thousands of followers ignoring, sorry, hanging on your every word. Just whatever you do, please don’t tag me in any of this content. (And if you’re looking for any of this, definitely don’t follow me.) You’re welcome!

Top 10 Ways to Be a Procurement Influencer on LinkedIn! Part I

The votes have been counted and apparently everyone wants … an Influencer!

So, welcome to Influencer Week on Sourcing Innovation! It’s time to give the influencers their due.

After all, when it comes to a:

Consultant? Nope! Once the money is gone they leave you with the mess you created (by selecting the system the big analyst firm put on the upper right of the map du jour) and you don’t want that.

Practitioner? Double Nope! Like you, they slave in the dungeon of the Tower of Spend on an old 286 which can barely play a low resolution version of Weird Al’s It’s All About the Pentiums and use Ariba Web 5.

Educator? Hell No! No one wants to learn and they definitely don’t want some random sap expending all their energy trying to teach them.

Leader? Are you crazy? As far as the CEO and CFO are concerned, ALL the bucks stop with Procurement and everything that goes wrong is Procurement’s fault, whether Procurement had any control over it or not including, but not limited to, tariffs no one predicted a year ago when the contract was signed, natural disasters, and the lack of results due to a complete lack of funding for modern technology and skilled talent.

Who does that leave?

An Influencer! Hell yes!

So now everyone wants to be … an Influencer!

Unlike a consultant, you don’t have to do projects doomed to fail. Unlike a practitioner, you get to work in the limelight and not in the ghost light of the old monochrome CRT hooked up to that 286. Unlike an educator, you don’t have to actually teach, just get likes, follows, and clicks! And, unlike a leader, you don’t have to care about results and whether your influences get any! It’s the perfect job!

But how do you become an influencer? Well, you could ask THE PROPHET, one of the OG Influencers of our space (who, by the way, only became one AFTER he learned how to solve business problems), or you could just follow this top 10 list and you’re virtually guaranteed to succeed.

10. Post top 10 lists regularly!

Letterman was right. The masses love these. While 10 is not a perfect number, the average person seems to think it is, so just go with it. They’ve been getting results for 40 years! (Since September 18, 1985, to be precise!)

09. Inspirational Quotes in fancy graphics.

Everyone likes an inspirational quote right? A little bit of feel good to start their day (otherwise they might have to stop by Dr. Feelgood‘s on the way to the office). Make sure they rise and shine to you!

08. Motivational Posters, Procurement Style.

What do people like more than an inspirational quote? A motivational poster! Even better if it has cute kitty kats because we all have to


Bonus points if you can figure out how to make these Motivational Procurement Posters Gangnam Style

07. Don’t Forget Your Hobby!

Yes, remember to tell us weekly about how you ski the specialist slopes, sail the strait, race cars or do something else super cool every weekend because not only are you a Procurement Influencer, but you’re a super cool human! (After all, an AI could never make up a story about how it raced a car at the local track this weekend or generate a picture of itself at the beach because it’s an AI, right?) And everyone wants to connect with, and thus be influenced by, a super cool human, right?

06. And Definitely Don’t Forget the Exclusives!

After all, you’re not a true influencer until you have a cult, sorry, fan club, sorry, exclusive member club of leading Procurement professionals who get access to your most exclusive content that distinguishes them as the biggest suckers, sorry, leading thinkers who will take their careers to the next level with your industry leading content (all designed to keep their dopamine levels at maximum capacity).

But Wait, There’s More! Don’t forget that you have to offer them something to sign up for at the low, low starter price of $19.99 a month! (After all, Mr. Popeil made that the magic number 50 years ago and it’s held on ever since!)

Come back tomorrow for Part II for the top 5 suggestions to be a Preeminent Procurement Influencer!

The Squirrel Sabotage is Spreading North!

Back in October we pointed out that an organized squirrel attack in Jackson, Michigan knocked out power for over 3,000 customers, obviously in a trial run for something much more sinister.

Not that long ago, a similar attack took place in Toronto, Ontario on Feb 5 (CBC News) when the daily high was -5° C and a prolonged power outage would not only lead to busted pipes in hundreds of buildings, but hundreds of cases of hypothermia and death among the populace!

As a race we have to smarten up as they keep learning from us and are beginning to realize that actions need to be done at effective times for maximum impact. Remember, they’ve already progressed to sabotaging our cars in New York and shutting down trains in the UK (Terror Squirrels are Now Targeting Civilians Directly). If we keep being a poor example as a race, they might soon figure out how to wipe us out even before AI gets the chance! (They want their nature back!)

A Non-Procurement History Lesson and Hypothetical Inquiry on Early Modern Germany vs Modern Day USA

A lot of my American friends are celebrating the efforts of the 47th and his appointees. I’m not going to comment here on if it’s good or bad (because that depends on whether you are taking a short or long term view and whether you are a US citizen or not) and, ultimately, it’s their country and their choice whether they like it or not, but I am going remind them of a history lesson they should have received in grade school (but may not have, since many programs just cover 1939 to 1945):

A Brief History Lesson on Early Modern Germany:

* First came the eco-fascism, favoured and promoted by Nazis and Hitler in the 20s and 30s. (Medium)

* Then came the campaign against homosexuality (inc. queer, trans, etc.) that started when Hitler took power in 1933.

* Then the four-pronged policy of establishing Aryan as the master race and forcing out (and deporting) anyone they could.

* Then, after two years of violence, repression and other scare tactics against non-Aryans, we saw the Nuremberg Race Laws in 1935.

Also, starting in 1933:

* Hitler proclaims “A woman’s world is her husband, her family, her children, her house.”

* Joseph Goebbels explained “it is necessary to leave to men that which belongs to men” and the Nazi party ran zero female candidates, and Germany went from having 37 (of 577) female Members of Parliament to 0.

* School programs for girls were changed in an effort to discourage them from University studies.

* Then, less than three years later in 1936, we saw a law passed that:
– banned women from high level positions in the judicial system
– banned female doctors from practicing

* Then, in 1937, there was the decree stipulating that only men could be named to University posts!

Moreover, on March 23, 1933

The Enabling Act, whose full name was “Law to Remedy the Distress of the People and the Reich”, was passed that allowed the Reich government to issue laws without the consent of Germany’s Parliament, laying the foundation for the complete Nazification of German society. This was only 53 days after Hitler became Chancellor of Germany on January 30, 1933.

This is why you are seeing posts popping up everywhere that are saying Hitler dismantled democracy in only 53 days, because this act was the tool he needed to, piece by piece, override large parts of democracy during his tenure.

… and you know what happened next!

Now I’d like you to contrast that to what has recently been happening in:

Modern Day USA

* eco-fascism has been actively promoted for the past two decades (or so)

* the “T” has just been removed from “LGBT” (step one), no pronouns may be specified in government correspondence, and “only two genders” will be recognized (even though the wording of the executive order can effectively be interpreted to say you’re all female)

* not only has DEI been dismantled, but so have equal opportunity laws; furthermore, a Presidential appointee has stated that only “competent white men” can be in charge for “things to work”

* we have seen an increase in immigration raids and use of detention camps
(Out of curiosity, anyone remember where Anne Frank died?)

* women’s reproductive rights are being taken away in many states

Now, I want to ask you:

If the parallel continues, what do you think comes next?

Again, it’s your country and your choice, and as a strong believer in democracy, as long as you understand you’re not getting Canada, as a true Canadian, I will still happily be your neighbour and happily work with you if you want to maintain a strong CUSMA, because North America needs to stand united when you consider what is happening in certain parts of the world today!  (And what makes Canada great is we celebrate diversity and differences and believe in working together regardless of what that diversity or differences are. We might feel sorry for you, but, as good neighbours, we will work with you. Though you may have to wait until our leaders get their tantrums out of their system, eh?)

Update July 16, 2025: WatchMojo’s Parallels between 1930s Germany and 2020s USA video.

Finally, I want to make sure a few of you are aware that these (and similar) resources are at your disposal, just in case you need them soon: