Most bloggers, when they lose it, go over the edge. 

I, however, prefer to take a trip over the hedge.

So, without further adieu, I give you …

If I Was a ‘Coon (Hammy‘s Song)

If I was a ‘coon I’d live over the ridge
  and get fat eating stolen snacks from the fridge.

If I was a ‘coon I’d pay a whole lotta green
  to watch a cooking program on a wide plasma screen.

If I was a ‘coon I’d send all the squirrels for food
  to pilfer somebody’s pantry for vegetable stew.

If I was a ‘coon I’d disguise you like a pet
  and make you swallow your pride until you fetched a tea set.

A squirrel can dream,
  if only that could be me.

‘coons have all the fun.

‘coons think they’re number 1.

‘coons they rule the world,
  but we all know it’s all about the squirrels, squirrels.

If I was a ‘coon I’d have to free all the pets
  then get hauled off to jail in the dog catcher’s nets.

If I was a ‘coon, in the midst of hunger throes,
  I’d be at the mercy of my sensitive nose.

Oh yeah!

‘coons have all the fun.

‘coons think they’re number 1.

‘coons they rule the world,
  but we all know it’s all about the squirrels, squirrels.

Ahh, ahh.

Hey hey, hey hey, hey hey, hey hey.

If I was a ‘coon I’d be lazing around
  coz it’s just too much work to do something profound
If I was a ‘coon I’d love Verne for his brains
  but then when he used them I’d say he’s going insane.

A squirrel can dream,
  if only that could be me.

‘coons have all the fun.

‘coons think they’re number 1.

‘coons they call the tune
  to get the squirrels to wanna fetch their food.
‘coons have all the fun.

‘coons think they’re number 1.

‘coons they rule the world,
  but we all know it’s all about the squirrels, squirrels.

‘coons have all the fun.

‘coons think they’re number 1.

‘coons they rule the world,
  but we all know it’s all about the
    squirrels, squirrels, squirrels, squirrels!

And, if you haven’t figured it out yet, it’s to the tune of
  If I Was a Boy by Natascha Sohl.