Category Archives: Sourcing-Maniacs

The Sourcing Maniacs 2008 Vendor Tour Part I: Aravo

[Wakko, Yakko, & Dot] We are the sourcing-maniacs
And we’re zany to the max
So just sit back and relax
You’ll laugh ’til you collapse
We’re sourcing-maniacs!
   
[Wakko & Yakko] Come join the ‘Riba Brothers
[Dot] And the ‘Riba Sister, Dot
[Wakko, Yakko, & Dot] Just for fun we ran around the corp’rate parking lot
They locked us in the boardroom whenever we got caught
But let us loose from the caboose
And now you know the plot!

When we last heard from the Sourcing Maniacs, shortly after the acquisition of Procuri by Ariba, Chicken Boo had just fired all three of them. Confused and hungry, the ‘Ribas began marching northward from the Ariba corporate headquarters in Sunnyvale, CA, on their grand adventure to find a new job. They vowed to visit every sourcing company from Aravo to Zycus, if necessary, in their quest to find a new company to whom they could provide their maniacal insight. I’m sorry to report that, unlike Pinky and the Brain (who have been quiet for quite some time now), the Sourcing Maniacs are still unemployed, but I’m happy to report that they are willing to share with the readers of this blog some of the insights they acquired in their 2008 Vendor Tour. So sit back, relax, and enjoy!

Yakko We went to see Aravo
The wizards of 2Sustain
Dot We went with lots of gustavo
As far as we could ascertain
   
Wakko We heard that they were masters of SIM
so we challenged them to a duel
But it turns out SIM’s short for “Supplier Information Management”
Not SIM City …
   and again I played the fool!
   
Yakko So we asked for an explanation
Of why we needed SIM
Wakko And what it could do
That we couldn’t do with Vim
   
Dot And then sat down to listen
Wakko Which we do so rar-i-ly
Dot As Aravo’s chaps, all dressed in chaps
Spun a tale of data transparency
   
Yakko This is Yakko’s summary of the Aravo story, edited by the doctor

In the beginning there was the web. It was a wild, wild frontier where data could roam free. A virtual gold-mine, enterprise software companies staked their claim and started to build ranches to corral the data. Some of these companies, like Peoplesoft, Oracle, and SAP were successful in their efforts. Furthermore, not only could they corral the data, but they could send it through pipes from buyers to suppliers. Business-to-Business was born.

Things were good in the beginning, but then the data started to mix, and like Fibonacci’s rabbits, it started to multiply out of control! More and more systems were installed to try and manage the data, but all this did was help the data spread like wildfire until, like the tribbles, it had overtaken every nook and cranny of every enterprise. Although this was a boon for BI systems that needed massive amounts of data to justify their existence, it was a bane to overworked IT administrators who couldn’t swap the backup tapes fast enough. It was an even bigger headache for supply chain professionals who couldn’t get a complete picture of what was being supplied by whom, or when it was coming. This deeply impacted their ability to strategically shape the supply chain.

This wasn’t too bad in the beginning, when oil was cheap, prices were dropping, and the boom look liked it would never end, but then the globalization backlash reared its ugly head. Oil and commodity prices went through the roof, financial markets started crashing, and quality issues became rampant as contaminated toothpaste, salmonella spinach, and lead-paint toys hit stores nationwide. Was your supplier still around? Would it be around tomorrow? Was its quality control adequate? Was it still the right supplier for you? All of these questions became front and center, and couldn’t be answered without insight into all of the relvant data surrounding the supplier … data that, traditionally, was spread across multiple systems inside and outside the enterprise.

Enter SIM. A SIM platform collects all of your data from all of your systems in one place, and lets you view, query, and manage all of your data on a single supplier from a single screen. How much business did you do? What did you buy? Where was it shipped from? Where did it go to? What QA processes were employed? And is the supplier current with their certifications and licenses? All of these questions can quickly and easily be answered with a SIM platform. And more importantly, it can be used as the foundation for supplier improvement and sustainability initiatives, because all of the data needed to launch and track such initiatives is at your fingertips.

   
Yakko So all your data in one place
Wakko Helps keep the egg off your face
Dot And helps you make a solid plan
Of who to keep and who to can
   
Yakko It’s pretty cool, but I have to say
Dot Their wordiness gets in the way
Wakko From a thought that should be as simple and pure
As combining your PB&J spend when you procure!
   
Dot SIM’s just meta-data management
with a flexible UI
Yakko It shouldn’t be that difficult
Wakko or pie in the sky
   
Dot But you need the right framework
baked in at the core
Yakko Otherwise you’ll never realize
Wakko that it’s not just meta-data, it’s more.

And Aravo was just the first stop on the Sourcing Maniacs’ journey. Stay tuned for more!

Where the Brain gives Pinky a Lesson in Statistics

Pinky and the Brain
They’re Pinky and the Brain
Yes, Pinky and the Brain
One is a genius, the other is insane
They’re advertising guys
Their mind is on the prize
They’re dinky
They’re Pinky and the Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain,
Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain

Before each night is done
Their plan will be unfurled
By the dawning of the sun
Take over the sourcing world

They’re Pinky and the Brain
Yes, Pinky and the Brain
Their twilight campaign
Is easy to explain
To prove their sourcing grace
They’ll overthrow the space
They’re dinky
They’re Pinky and the Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain,
Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain, NARF!

Pinky Gee Brain, what are we going to do tonight?
Brain Same thing we do every night Pinky – try to take over the Sourcing World!
Pinky How are we going to do that? Narf!
Brain I don’t know, Pinky. I don’t know. Give me some time to think!
Pinky Poit! Okay, Brain.
Pinky goes back to reading the paper he has in his hands.
Brain, this is really interesting.
Brain What is it this time, Pinky? 64% of net surfers searched for information about Hannah Montana’s concert series last month?
Pinky I don’t know … but I’d sure like to see her in concert. Narf! It’s this research report. Did you know that their research shows that international transportation processes are less likely to be automated than domestic transportation processes in 72% of firms? And that this is because there are more components to schedule, more trading partners to deal with, and more places where things can go wrong?
Brain You do know those reports are riddled with statistical errors and misleading representations, don’t you?
Pinky What do you mean, Brain?
Brain For starters – did they ask the firms surveyed why their international transportation processes were less automated, or did they just ask them if their transportation processes were automated domestically and/or internationally?
Pinky Uhm, I don’t know.
Brain Was the report full of questions?
Pinky Yes.
Brain After reading that entire report, did you see a single question that asked why the transportation processes were less automated, and, more specifically, were there any sets of potential answers with associated response counts?
Pinky Uhm, no.
Brain Then they’re making a common mistake found in many research reports. They’re fabricating reasons for outcomes without actually studying those reasons. You see, Pinky, statistics, by nature, isn’t definitive. You cannot prove anything with statistics, merely indicate correlation and statistically likely causation, if the right questions are asked and follow up studies are performed to test hypotheses.
Pinky So, their report suggests reasons, with the implication that that they’re correct, but there’s really no proof at all that their reasons have anything to do with the results?
Brain That’s right, Brain. And we pay them money for the privilege of reading the report!
Pinky But doesn’t everyone in the media jump to conclusions this way? And the analyst firm never really says that their results prove their hypotheses, so they’re not that bad, right?
Brain Yes, Pinky. For the most part, all media misleads people in the same way, and in that respect, they’re not that bad. But the reports are still riddled with statistical errors, false conclusions, and misleading representations.
Pinky What do you mean, Brain?
Brain Read me something else.
Pinky Did you know that best-in-class companies are 22% more likely to have the capability to divert goods in transit? As compared to average performers and laggards where only 17% and 18%, respectively, can divert goods in transit?
Brain The issue here is much more subtle. They’re breaking the statistics down into three groups almost arbitrarily, probably by a measurement of “spend under management.” But is this really the best way to break the groups down? Did they do an exhaustive study and determine this is the best way to categorize companies? Maybe, due to different spend categories in different industries, it’s better to leave certain types of spend to the local business units rather than centrally manage it. And what does “spend under management” mean, anyway? Is it rigidly defined? But I digress. This is potentially erroneous because they compare best-in-class to average and laggards and not to the overall set. Doing the math, this means that, according to their arbitrary class sizes, approximately 18.3% of companies overall can divert goods in transit. Thus, whereas they are 29.5% better than average, overall, they are only 20% better. Thus, they are artificially inflating the statistics for best-in-class.
Pinky Oh. Poink. But it’s still not wrong, right?
Brain No, the math is perfectly valid, as long as you accept their methodology of division and believe the division is significant. But still misleading.
Pinky So, this is everything wrong with the reports, right?
Brain Far from it. Read me something else.
Pinky 62% of best-in-class companies that use third party logistics providers use several of them as opposed to a single company, so companies would do well to forge relationships with several partners based on their services and areas of operation.
Brain That’s the one I was waiting for!
Pinky What do you mean, Brain? Zoit!
Brain They make that error at least once in every report I’ve ever read. It’s probably the most common statistical error in existence. They’re confusing correlation with causation. Just because the use of multiple logistics providers is correlated with better logistics performance, this doesn’t mean that the use of multiple logistics providers is the reason that these companies achieve better logistics performance.
Pinky But it sure sounds convincing. Narf!
Brain Remember last night when I talked about dropping a hammer on your foot?
Pinky Gulp! Yes …
Brain And remember how I said that you would yelp and hop on one foot?
Pinky Pinky cowers and covers his feet.
Gulp! Gulp! Yes …
Brain And I said …
Pinky That the dropping of the hammer, the yelp, and the hop were all correlated, but there were only two causal relationships. The dropping of the hammer caused the yelp and the hop, the reverse didn’t hold true, and the yelp didn’t cause the hop and the hop didn’t cause the yelp. Please don’t drop the hammer on my foot!
Brain As long as you remember your lessons Pinky, there’s no need.
Pinky So that’s everything wrong with the research reports, then?
Brain Not even close.
Pinky But what else could you possibly have a problem with?
Brain How were the respondents selected?
Pinky It says here they advertised the survey through e-mail and their web-site and used the results of those who responded.
Brain And is that representative of the population as a whole?
Pinky They’re studying companies, Brain. Not people.
Brain Pinky!!!!
Pinky But …
Brain The term population is used in statistics to refer to the universe of entities under study. In this case, corporations.
Pinky Oh.
Brain And the answer is a definitive no.
Pinky I don’t follow.
Brain Of course not. First of all, not all companies necessarily use the web, or pay attention to the research company’s web site even if they did. Secondly, not all companies have fluent English speaking representatives. Thirdly, not all companies are aware of the research company conducting the survey, and therefore may disregard their emails. And, most importantly, the respondents are self-selecting. There’s no guarantee that the self-selecting population is even representative of those companies, yet alone the population as a whole!
Pinky But the respondents respond randomly, and that’s the core requirement, right?
Brain Yes, but it does not mean that they constitute an appropriate random set of the entire population of companies that use logistics companies. At best it’s a random set of self-selecting companies that use the internet that have fluent English capabilities that are aware of the research company.
Pinky But they’re only reporting the significant results. That makes up for any variation in the set of respondents, right?
Brain Well, there’s two issues there. First of all, how do you judge what’s significant? Let’s say they found that the same number of best-in-class, average, and laggard companies used a commercial WMS but failed to report this. That would be very significant, since it suggests that there is no correlation between use of a WMS and being best-in-class. And when compared against the earlier statistic you quoted, it implies that if you are best in class, you are more likely to be using a TMS than a WMS.
Pinky But aren’t you then assuming causation and making the same mistake you’re accusing them of making?
Brain No, Pinky. I’m simply pointing out that there is a stronger correlation between TMS and best-in-class than WMS and best-in-class. This is important because it would tell us that best-in-class and TMS tend to go together while WMS and best-in-class do not. Although you don’t know if one causes the other, you do know that they are correlated and, thus, if you have a choice, the better choice is a TMS. It might not make you best-in-class, but you know that if you were, you’d likely be using it anyway.
Pinky But it doesn’t say anything about WMS, Brain.
Brain And that’s my point. What is it leaving out?
Pinky I don’t know.
Brain Precisely, Pinky. Precisely. And back to your second point where you said that their process makes up for any variation in the set of respondents. Now you’re making an error – and a big one. If your sample set isn’t an adequate representation of the entire population, there’s nothing you can do to make up for it. Your research is flawed from the start. There’s no way to cancel an error in statistics. All you can do is propagate the error and make it worse.
Pinky Oh. So that means …
Brain The point I was trying to make in response to your previous query holds. The results only apply to the population the sample represents, and that might not be the entire population.
Pinky And that means …
Brain The applicability and usefulness of the results might not be all that broad or what you hoped for.
Pinky But they got over 200 responses.
Brain This is another very common error. 100 responses is 100 responses …
Pinky 200 …
Brain A look of extreme impatience appears on Brain’s face.
Okay! Have it your way! 200 responses is 200 responses, but how many people did they attempt to survey? How many e-mails did they send out? How many people saw the advertisement for the survey on their web-page? I’m betting it was over 2,000. In fact, I’m betting it was over 20,000. Did they say?
Pinky Not that I can see.
Brain Let’s say, conservatively, that it was only 20,000. That would mean their response rate is 1%. That tells us something.
Pinky Like what?
Brain That only 1% of self-selecting companies who had previously expressed interest in the firm’s research cared enough about the topic to respond to the survey. I’ll let you draw your own conclusions from that.
Pinky Oh. But …
Brain What else are they leaving out? I don’t know. I’m betting they didn’t include the original survey. That’s important. Psychologists have found that how you ask the question can be more important than what you are asking. For example, let’s take research into risk aversion. If you ask someone how much risk they are willing to take, dollar-wise, versus giving them a set of questions with two alternatives, you’ll get two different answers that become clear when you translate them into economic utility functions. You can even give them the same expected returns or losses, but just phrasing one question positively and one question negatively can lead to different results. People are more likely to settle for a fixed gain and more likely to risk a variable loss. I bet they didn’t provide the entire data set either. Depending on what statistical distribution, or even what statistical separation technique – such as the one they used to define best-in-class, you applied to the data, I’m betting you could come up with noticeably different results.
Pinky But they usually have more respondents responding to their surveys than private companies or smaller firms do, so that must average out some of the error, right?
Brain No. Again, Pinky – you can’t “fix” or “average out” errors. Only propagate them. And a bigger sample is not always better. If a sample gets too big, then even trivial conclusions can become “statistically significant,” even if they have no practical value. It’s just the way the math works.
Pinky Oh. So statistically significant conclusions drawn from super-large samples can be totally meaningless?
Brain Yes. But …
An evil grin appears on Brain’s face.
Pinky, are you pondering what I’m pondering?
Pinky I think so, Brain. But last time we went ice skating I slipped and fell and bruised my tail-bone.
Brain No, Pinky. This is one misconception that everyone shares! Even though a few people may understand that there’s a difference between correlation and causation, almost no one realizes that super-large sample sizes can produce meaningless results.
Pinky And how does that help us?
Brain Remember last night?
Pinky Where you tried to steal the perfect survey? Narf!
Brain Where I tried to obtain the perfect survey. Well, I don’t need the perfect survey. I just need the survey on the world’s largest data set.
Pinky And how will that help you, Poit?
Brain Because the masses will believe that whatever the results suggest must not only be right, but indisputable!
Pinky And how does that help you take over the sourcing world?
Brain Because we’ll twist the results into suggesting that I must rule the sourcing world.
Pinky And how will we do that?
Brain We’ll rely on the fact that the majority of our readers don’t understand the difference between correlation and causation.
Pinky Wow! I get it! What a great plan! But how are we going to get enough responses to create the world’s largest data set?
Brain We’re not! And that’s the beauty of it!
Pinky Huh?
Brain We’re going to create the world’s largest meta-survey!
Pinky And how are we going to do that?
Brain We’re going to use that huge stack of reports you’ve been collecting for the past 20 years and, just like academics, construct a meta-survey that we will answer using the responses to all of those reports.
Pinky We’re going to aggregate the results?
Brain Sort of. The mathematics involved to do a proper statistical meta-survey require more than just simple aggregation, but I won’t trouble your feeble brain with the details. Suffice it to say that our report will be a definitive guide to choosing the new leader of the sourcing world.
Pinky Who is …
Brain Me, you imbecile!
Pinky Narf! That’s wonderful, Brain!
Brain Yes, it is.
Pinky And since you’re going to be doing approximately the same thing that the analyst firms will be doing in the creation of their State of the Market reports, there are plenty of precedents. I just know this plan will work!
Brain What?!?
Pinky The analyst firm that produced this paper. They’re doing their own meta-survey. It’s going to be the largest ever! I have the invite here somewhere…
Pinky dives into his pile of papers and emerges a few seconds later.Here it is, Brain!
Brain Brain takes the invite from Pinky. A look of extreme disappointment crosses his face.
No!
Pinky What’s wrong, Brain? Narf!
Brain My plan. It’s useless.
Pinky What do you mean? I think it’s brilliant.
Brain We can’t do our own meta-survey now!
Pinky Why not? Zoit?
Brain We’ll be the laughing stock of the sourcing world! Not only will we look like lame copycats, but once the analyst firm releases their report and people scrutinize it and realize that it doesn’t contribute any significant new information, they’ll be turned off from the meta survey approach until they forget about it. Considering the length of time this analyst firm advertises their research, it will be close to a year before we can even think about trying this again.
Pinky But I thought you said they’d believe it?
Brain They’ll believe it. But since it won’t say anything new, they’ll judge it as a waste of effort.
Pinky Oh. Poit.
Brain Yes. Poit.
Well, I guess it’s time to retire back to the marketing cage.
Pinky Why, Brain?
Brain To prepare for tomorrow night.
Pinky What are we going to do tomorrow night? Narf?
Brain The same thing we do every night, Pinky. Try to take over the sourcing world!

Pinky and the Brain
They’re Pinky and the Brain
Yes, Pinky and the Brain
One is a genius, the other is insane
They’re advertising guys
Their mind is on the prize
They’re dinky
They’re Pinky and the Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain,
Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain

Before each night is done
Their plan will be unfurled
By the dawning of the sun
Take over the sourcing world

They’re Pinky and the Brain
Yes, Pinky and the Brain
Their twilight campaign
Is easy to explain
To prove their sourcing grace
They’ll overthrow the space
They’re dinky
They’re Pinky and the Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain,
Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain, NARF!

Where Pinky and the Brain (Re)Define Best In Class

Pinky and the Brain
They’re Pinky and the Brain
Yes, Pinky and the Brain
One is a genius, the other is insane
They’re advertising guys
Their mind is on the prize
They’re dinky
They’re Pinky and the Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain,
Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain

Before each night is done
Their plan will be unfurled
By the dawning of the sun
Take over the sourcing world

They’re Pinky and the Brain
Yes, Pinky and the Brain
Their twilight campaign
Is easy to explain
To prove their sourcing grace
They’ll overthrow the space
They’re dinky
They’re Pinky and the Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain,
Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain, NARF!

Pinky Gee Brain, what are we going to do tonight?
Brain Same thing we do every night Pinky – try to take over the Sourcing World!
Pinky How are we going to do that, Brain? Narf?
Brain We’re going to implement another brilliant plan to market our strategy to take over the sourcing world!
Pinky What are we going to market again, Brain?
Brain Our strategy.
Pinky And what is it again?
Brain Don’t make me hit you again, Pinky!
Pinky But …
Brain The cheese, Pinky, the cheese!
Pinky Oh, I remember! Nog! The cheese trade! Yum!
Brain Yes, Pinky, the global cheese trade.
Pinky So, did you managed to recover the hypno-spend thingy?
Brain No, Pinky. It was destroyed.
Pinky So how are we going to take over the sourcing world this time?
Brain I don’t know, Pinky. I don’t know. Give me a few minutes to think.
Brain paces the floor for a few minutes in deep thought. He stops just as a look of evil inspiration crosses his face.
Pinky, are you pondering what I’m pondering?
Pinky Uh, I think so Brain, but just how are the two of us going to eat the world’s biggest cream cheese banana split all by ourselves? Narf!
Brain No, you imbecile! We are going to define best-in-class!
Pinky Redefine valedictorian?
Brain No, no, Pinky! Best … in … Class. We’re going to define what makes a great company great and take over the analyst mind share. With the recent flood of departures from the analyst firms downtown, the marketplace is just yearning for a new thought leader. We’re going to be that new thought leader! And, it goes without saying, that the thoughts we produce are the thoughts that are addressed by the solutions our company provides.
Pinky Um … er … and how precisely are we going to do that? Nog!
Brain We’re going to start with a simple survey!
Pinky How’s a survey going to make us thought leaders? It’s just a bunch of questions, isn’t it?
Brain Yes, Pinky, but with the right open-ended questions, you can, with a little cunning, present results that will cause the average reader to assume whatever you want them to assume.
Pinky Like a good statistician can use statistics to support whatever position he or she wants?
Brain Something like that, Pinky. But, instead, we surreptitiously confuse correlation with causation, since the average reader can’t tell the difference.
Pinky Syrup! Yum! Are we having pancakes, Brain? Narf!
Brain You twit! Surreptitiously means stealthily, not syrupy!
Pinky Oh. So we’re stealthily going to confuse coronations with castrations, but how are crownings and eunuchs going to help us?
Brain Not coronations and castrations, you fool, correlations and causations. Whereas a causation refers to something that produces an effect, a correlation refers to the tendency of two, or more, attributes, or measurements, to vary together.
For example, let’s say I drop this hammer from our toolbox on your foot.
Pinky Narf! Brain!
Brain Don’t worry, Pinky. I’m just trying to give you a hypothetical example.
Pinky A heretical? Nog! The last time we let one of them in here he jabbered all night long about salv … salv … hand-cream.
Brain Salvation, Pinky and it’s hypothetical, not heretical. Make-believe. May I continue?
Pinky So we’re going to just pretend you’re going to drop that hammer on my foot …
Brain As long as you keep quiet and let me continue. As I was saying, let’s pretend I dropped this hammer from our toolbox on your foot. Chances are, you’d yelp in pain and hop around on your other foot, like an idiot. Am I right?
Pinky Um, yeah, I think so.
Brain Let’s also pretend that the only time you hopped around on one foot yelping in pain is when something heavy was dropped on your foot. Then, by definition, there would be a strong correlation between having something heavy dropped on your foot, yelping in pain, and hopping around on one foot. Right?
Pinky Sure.
Brain However, whereas there are three correlation relations, specifically, the correlation between the hammer drop and the yelp, the correlation between the hammer drop and the hop, and the correlation between the yelp and the hop, there are only two causation relations, and they both go only one way. Specifically, the hammer drop causes the yelp and the hammer drop causes the hop. The yelp does not cause the hop and the hop does not cause the yelp, and, more importantly, the yelp does not cause the hammer drop and the hop does not cause the hammer drop. Following me so far?
Pinky I think so. If you drop the hammer on my foot, and please don’t, I yelp and I hop. And that’s called a causation. However, the relationship between the yelp and hop is simply coral-ation.
Brain Correlation, but that’s close enough. Anyway, let’s say we ask a well thought out series of questions and find out that 89% of best-in-class firms, that have 74% or more of spend under management, have a performance management tool. This is a correlation. But let’s say that, in the report, we state that we found that 89% of best-in-class companies have a performance management tool. It’s very easy to interpret that as a causation, isn’t it?
Pinky Well, I guess it is … but it’s not, right? It’s like the SpendFool said, isn’t it, when he said “did you know that Flavia coffee systems were used at 70% of these firms versus 40% adoption at low-performers? Clearly, using Flavia (winner of the Tweedleman award for worker caffeination) is a key predictor of supply chain excellence“.
Brain Yes, Pinky. It’s just like that. And you’re never to mention it again!
Pinky Why not, Brain? Narf!
Brain Because if people know better, our plan won’t work.
Pinky Oh. So I guess that means we need a survey.
Brain Not just any survey, Pinky. We need the perfect survey!
Pinky And how are we going to come up with the perfect survey?
Brain We’re not! That’s the beauty of this plan.
Pinky I don’t follow.
Brain I’m going to hack Skippy’s computer. If anyone has the perfect survey tucked away for safekeeping, you know it’s going to be Skippy! After all, he’s the most likely to have stumbled upon it in his journalistic (Brain makes finger-quotes) pursuits.
Pinky Are you sure you should be doing that? Nog!
Brain Don’t worry, Pinky. I know what I’m doing. … A-ha!
Pinky Where! Are they going to play “Take On Me”?
Brain Pinky!
Pinky Oh, that was just an expression, wasn’t it?
Brain Yes, Pinky. I think I’ve got it.
Pinky It? Narf!
Brain Yes, Pinky. The perfect survey!
Brain is silent for a few minutes while he begins to read the survey.
Pinky Pinky interrupts.
What’s it say, Brain? What’s it say?
Brain It’s incredible. With what I’ve read so far, it looks like it doesn’t matter what the respondents answer … it’ll still support anything we want it to. Just give me a minute or two to scan it!
Brain pages down to the second page.
All of a sudden the screen goes blank and a message-box pops up. It says “Please enter your password. You have 20 seconds.”
What’s this? No! … No! No! NO!
Pinky What’s wrong, Brain?
Brain A trap-door password trojan! If we don’t enter the right password within twenty seconds, it’s going to wipe the file … and probably the rest of the data on the system – including all of the data and tools I collected to hack Skippy’s system! Quick, Pinky. We might have only one shot at the password! What password would Skippy use?
Pinky Um, er, “stay the course”!
Brain Yes, Pinky! You’re right! Just a second.
Brain enter’s the password. The message changes.
The expression on Brain’s face shifts from relief to disappointed shock!
Pinky What’s wrong, Brain? What’s it say?
Brain It says. “Thank you. I will. Cordially, Skippy”.
Pinky Well, that was certainly thoughtful of him! Why the sad look?
Brain There’s more, Pinky. There’s more.
Pinky More?
Brain Yes. There’s a postscript. “Better luck next time, Brain.” How did Skippy know? HOW DID SKIPPY KNOW?!
Pinky So that means …
Brain It’s gone. It’s all gone. The survey, the information I used to hack the system, the toolkits. It’s all gone. How did Skippy know?
Pinky Know what?
Brain That … that …, oh, never mind. It’s time to return to the marketing cage.
Pinky Why, Brain?
Brain To prepare for tomorrow night.
Pinky What are we going to do tomorrow night? Narf!
Brain The same thing we do every night, Pinky. Try to take over the sourcing world!

Pinky and the Brain
They’re Pinky and the Brain
Yes, Pinky and the Brain
One is a genius, the other is insane
They’re advertising guys
Their mind is on the prize
They’re dinky
They’re Pinky and the Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain,
Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain

Before each night is done
Their plan will be unfurled
By the dawning of the sun
Take over the sourcing world

They’re Pinky and the Brain
Yes, Pinky and the Brain
Their twilight campaign
Is easy to explain
To prove their sourcing grace
They’ll overthrow the space
They’re dinky
They’re Pinky and the Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain,
Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain, NARF!

Where Pinky and the Brain Devise A Plan To Market Their Strategy

Pinky and the Brain
They’re Pinky and the Brain
Yes, Pinky and the Brain
One is a genius, the other is insane
They’re advertising guys
Their mind is on the prize
They’re dinky
They’re Pinky and the Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain,
Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain

Before each night is done
Their plan will be unfurled
By the dawning of the sun
Take over the sourcing world

They’re Pinky and the Brain
Yes, Pinky and the Brain
Their twilight campaign
Is easy to explain
To prove their sourcing grace
They’ll overthrow the space
They’re dinky
They’re Pinky and the Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain,
Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain, NARF!

Pinky Gee Brain, what are we going to do tonight?
Brain Same thing we do every night Pinky – try to take over the Sourcing World!
Pinky How are we going to do that, Brain? Narf?
Brain Remember last night’s lesson Pinky? Where I explained to you that we are going to market our strategy to take over the sourcing world?
Pinky And what’s our strategy again Brain?
Brain Come here, Pinky.
Pinky OK, Brain.
Brain Closer, Pinky.
Pinky Why Brain? Narf!
Brain Brain jumps up and conks Pinky on the head.
For that!
Pinky What’cha do that for, Brain?
Brain Because last night’s lesson in marketing took ALL night. Even an ADD chimpanzee hyped up on caffeine would remember it. We didn’t even get started on our plan to take over the world!
Pinky What was it about again, Brain?
Brain About marketing our strategy to the Napoleons who also want to take over the sourcing world! They will serve as our lieutenants as I lead us to victory!
Pinky I remember now Brain! Nog!
It was about how the world shares cheese and neapolitan ice cream and that’s why we have to take over the entire sourcing world at once!
Brain Yes, Pinky. If it makes it easier for your little pea-brain to understand, it’s about how the world shares cheese and neapolitan ice cream and that’s why we have to take over the entire sourcing world at once. But now that we’ve settled that, as part of our plan to market our strategy to take over the sourcing world, we need to create content that the Napoleons of tomorrow will want to read. We need to make sure that our first piece of content is really riveting.
Pinky We’re not going to play in the toolbox again, are we Brain? Last time the hammer fell on my foot, it really, really hurt.
Brain No Pinky, we’re not going to play in the toolbox again. We’re going to come up with inspirational content that will draw the Napoleons in like flies to a barn.
Pinky How are we going to do that, Brain?
Brain I’m working on it.
Brain paces the floor for a few minutes in deep thought. He stops just as a look of evil inspiration crosses his face.
Pinky, are you pondering what I’m pondering?
Pinky I think so, Brain, but I don’t see how hiring Britney as a personal life coach is going to help us with our image problem.
Brain No, you twit! We use the strategy of our biggest competitor, whose name I shall not utter, and find our own analyst or blogger who will write great content for us and then simply usurp that content to create our sourcing world domination web site. Since the central content will come from a trusted and credible source, our new site will be trusted and credible as soon as it launches. The Napoleons will flock to it! They’ll assume that because we too are smart enough to recognize the intelligence of the analyst or blogger, that we too must have intelligent things to say. So they’ll also read the messages we want them to read, and if we craft those messages carefully around the usurped content, a few of these Napoleons will buy in. They’ll spread the message and convince the other Napoleons. Soon we’ll have our own Napoleon army – and the sourcing world will be powerless to stop us!
Pinky But how are we going to do that, Brain? Unlike the competitor whose name you will not utter, who has a much bigger budget than we do, I don’t think we can afford to buy off any bloggers or analysts – except for that firm downtown, but their reputation seems to be fading – and I get the impression that most of the bloggers and analysts with the reputations we’d want don’t really like us very much.
Brain I know, Pinky. Which is why, instead of buying them off, we’re going to confuse them with humility.
Pinky I don’t think that’s going to work, Brain. Some of them are pretty smart! Narf!
Brain It only has to work long enough for them to take a close look at our new hypno-spend tool, Pinky.
Pinky The what?
Brain The hypno-spend tool. It’s our slicked up spend reporting demo tool with a brand new UI that uses pleasing colors, smooth curves, tranquil sound effects, and spinning coins to signal screen changes. When paired with our new demo specialist, whose soothing voice sounds just like Ben Stein, who has extensive training in hypnotism and suggestion, no one can resist our story that automated cleansing is the key to spend analysis.
Pinky But I thought analytics capability was the key to spend analysis, Brain! Narf!
Brain Smack! Brain smacks Pinky upside the head again.
I told you never to say that again!
Pinky I’m sorry, Brain.
Brain As I was saying, five minutes into the demo with our new hypno-spend tool, and they’ll believe the moon is made of green cheese!
Pinky Green Cheese! Yum! Can I have some, Brain?
Brain Pinky, you fool! I was just using a metaphor!
Pinky A metal floor? Like the one in our cage?
Brain No – a metaphor. Where you use a set of words to represent a concept.
Pinky Oh.
Brain Would you like a demo, Pinky!
Pinky Sure Brain.
Brain Pinky, Feast your eyes on the hypno-spend tool!
Dot Oooh! Pretty Colors!
Brain Dot! What are you doing here?
Pinky Dot? Dot! It’s good to see you! It’s been … it’s been …
Brain Years! Dot, what are you doing here?
Dot I came to say hello!
Pinky But didn’t Mr. Plotz forbid you from ever setting foot in this building?
Dot He did. But he also let us go.
Pinky Go where?
Brain She was fired, you twit!
Pinky Set on fire? Gosh! That sounds painful.
Brain No, no, NO, Pinky. She means she doesn’t work there anymore.
Pinky Oh.
Dot Yes, I’m free. Free to find new opportunities. Free to explore the sourcing world! Free to look at applications with such pretty colors!
Brain Do you like it? It’s our new prototype hypno-spend tool.
Dot Hypno-whattie?
Brain Hypno-spend tool. When it’s combined with our master Ben-Stein sound-alike hypnotist, anyone who sits through a five minute demo will believe that automated cleansing is the ultimate key to spend analysis!
Dot Okay. Whatever. I just think it’s pretty. But I think it would be even prettier with swirling pink instead of swirling purple.
Pinky Hey, that’s a great idea, Narf!
Dot Let me fix it for you!
Brain No! Don’t touch that! It’s still a prototype! There’s only two copies – one on the computer and one on the portable hard-drive!
Dot Don’t worry, I know what I’m doing!
Pinky Ooh! That’s sooo pretty!
Dot Just wait until you see … oops!
Brain Oops? What did you do?
Dot Well … you had your keys mapped a little differently than I’m used to … I kinda deleted it!
Brain DOT!
Dot You have a back-up, right?
Brain Of course I have a back-up. Pinky, hand me the back-up.
Pinky The what?
Brain The external hard drive. The shiny metal box I asked you to keep safe.
Pinky Oh, that. Just a sec, Brain. I’ll go get it.
Pinky disappears for a few seconds. He returns with an extra shiny external hard drive.
Here you go, Brain!
Brain Pinky, why does it feel a little bit damp?
Pinky Well, you told me to store it in the safest place I know, and the safest place I know is under my water bowl?
Brain You what?! Don’t you know that water shorts out electronics?
Dot Oh, don’t worry so much big Brain. I’m sure it’s okay.
Pinky Yeah, Brain! Nog! It’s just a little water!
Brain Let’s see it!
Brain hooks up the external hard drive. He hits the power switch. Ka-Boom!
Piinnkkyy!
Pinky Yes, Brain?
Brain It’s time to return to the marketing cage.
Pinky Why, Brain?
Brain To prepare for tomorrow night.
Pinky What are we going to do tomorrow night? Narf!
Brain The same thing we do every night, Pinky. Try to take over the sourcing world!
Good night, Dot.
Dot Good night!

Pinky and the Brain
They’re Pinky and the Brain
Yes, Pinky and the Brain
One is a genius, the other is insane
They’re advertising guys
Their mind is on the prize
They’re dinky
They’re Pinky and the Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain,
Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain

Before each night is done
Their plan will be unfurled
By the dawning of the sun
Take over the sourcing world

They’re Pinky and the Brain
Yes, Pinky and the Brain
Their twilight campaign
Is easy to explain
To prove their sourcing grace
They’ll overthrow the space
They’re dinky
They’re Pinky and the Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain,
Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain, NARF!

The Brain Gives Pinky a Marketing Lesson

Pinky and the Brain
They’re Pinky and the Brain
Yes, Pinky and the Brain
One is a genius, the other is insane
They’re advertising guys
Their mind is on the prize
They’re dinky
They’re Pinky and the Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain,
Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain

Before each night is done
Their plan will be unfurled
By the dawning of the sun
Take over the sourcing world

They’re Pinky and the Brain
Yes, Pinky and the Brain
Their twilight campaign
Is easy to explain
To prove their sourcing grace
They’ll overthrow the space
They’re dinky
They’re Pinky and the Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain,
Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain, NARF!

Pinky Gee Brain, what are we going to do tonight?
Brain Same thing we do every night Pinky – try to take over the Sourcing World!
Pinky How are we going to do that, Brain? Narf?
Brain We’re going to do something different, we’re going to market our strategy to take over the sourcing world!
Pinky And what is our strategy this time, Brain?
Brain I just told you, we’re going to market our strategy to take over the sourcing world.
Pinky I don’t understand Brain. Nog!
Brain Obviously not, Pinky. So let me explain.
Pinky Okay, Brain.
Brain Marketing is a process that enterprises use to try and convince consumers that they want the products or services that they have to offer.
Pinky And how do they do that?
Brain They use advertising to create a positive brand image through mediums that the people they want to buy their products watch or listen to.
Pinky Like when Mr. Cheddam of Australian Cheddam comes on the radio and tells us about how great its golden yellow, rindless block of cheese that combines cheddar and edam is?
Brain Something like that, Pinky.
Pinky And when Mr. Wensleydale describes his lightly pressed and smooth textured offering with a subtle milky flavor that is both clean and refreshing.
Brain Yes, Pinky.
Pinky And when …
Brain YES PINKY! Now let me continue.
Pinky Sorry, Brain. It’s just that I love cheese. So much tastier than these food pellets.
Brain I know Pinky, now pay attention.
Pinky Okay, Brain.
Brain So the goal of marketing is to create brand recognition through advertising on selected mediums. Good marketers do this by trying to create the message that the product or service is what the user wants, at the price point they want it, at a placement that is good for them, using a promotion that appeals to the masses.
Pinky So how are we going to do that, Brain? Narf?
Brain We’re going to post useful content on blogs, sponsor research in our specialty areas using reputable market research companies, and do our best to stimulate discussion amongst people who really know what they’re talking about!
Pinky But didn’t you tell me that the masses were morons and that if our plans didn’t appeal to the loudest commotion demonstrator our plan wouldn’t work? Nog!
Brain That’s lowest common denominator, Pinky – not loudest commotion demonstrator, although that is a good description of the masses we will someday lead – and yes I did. But our goal is not to get our message out to the lowest common denominator, but the intelligent innovators – the leaders of the pack.
Pinky Pack of what, Brain?
Brain The … never mind, Pinky, just never mind.
Pinky Okay, Brain! Narf!
Brain We don’t want clueless morons, we want fearless leaders, who are interested in taking over the sourcing world!
Pinky Why do we want them, Brain?
Brain Because taking over the sourcing world, just like taking over the world, is a lot easier if you have competent lieutenants. Besides, do you want to be doing all the manual labor all the time?
Pinky Uhmmm … no.
Brain Good.
Pinky And why are we trying to take over the sourcing world? I thought you wanted to take over the world?
Brain I do, Pinky. But don’t you remember how I explained that the key to taking over the world is to take over the sourcing world?
Pinky Well, sort of.
Brain One more time, Pinky. The world is global. No one country has all the power. To take over the world, you have to take over all of the major players at once. And what do all of the major players have in common, Pinky?
Pinky Uhmm … cheese production?
Brain No Pinky! NO! NO! NO! They all have supply chains that cross all of their boundaries.
Pinky Supply whats’its?
Brain They all cooperate in global trade.
Pinky But I thought all of the Brain trading cards were destroyed?
Brain No Pinky. They trade goods and service. In terms you can understand, just as Mr. Cheddam of Australia will supply Cheddam to Great Britian, Mr. Wensleydale of Great Britian will supply Wensleydale to Australia. But all of the big cheese makers in all of the big countries participate.
Pinky Got it. Narf!
Brain So, the world is composed of countries that all participate in supply chains that support global trade which is in turn controlled by …
Pinky The Big Cheese Makers?
Brain No Pinky, sourcing professionals. Sourcing, Pinky, Sourcing. And that’s why we have to take over the sourcing world!
Pinky Narf! Okay, Brain! The Sourcing World it is!
Brain That’s right Pinky … so back to our strategy.
Pinky To market our strategy to take over the sourcing world.
Brain Precisely, Pinky. You got it.
Pinky Uhmm … not really. Nog!
Brain So, we’re going to start with the new media – the bloggers who actually post real content and tackle challenging issues.
Pinky But isn’t the point of the web to get as many page-views as possible? And don’t you get more page-views by posting on the popular sites that appeal to the largest cannon debilitaters?
Brain It’s lowest common denominator – and despite all of the hoop-la that most of the web marketers will have you believe, page views are useless!
Pinky But why, Brain?
Brain What good does it do us if a bunch of nitwits who are not interested in taking over the sourcing world click through to our web-site?
Pinky We have a web-site?
Brain Yes, Pinky. It’s part of marketing our strategy to take over the sourcing world.
Pinky Okay … but how come all of the big sites like Google and Yahoo keep telling us that it’s page views that …
Brain Because they’re selling trinkets to morons, you idiot! We’re marketing a strategy to take over the sourcing world!.
Pinky And it’s different because …
Brain Because everyone wants an iPod, Pinky. But not everyone wants to take over the sourcing world!
Pinky But can’t someone want an iPod to listen to while they take over the sourcing world?
Brain That’s not the point, Pinky. We need to appeal to people who are interested in world conquest, not World of Warcraft. We don’t have time to sift through a ton of chaff to find a single grain of wheat — we need the wheat – and just the wheat!
Pinky What’s “chaff,” Brain? Narf!
Brain Precisely, Pinky. Most marketing people can’t tell the difference, either.
Pinky Nog!
Brain So the first thing we need to do is get our message on a leading blog with the targeted audience that we want to reach!
Pinky You mean something like “World Conquest Matters”?
Brain No, Pinky, we aren’t interested in imaginary weapons systems and gossip about who might conquer whom. We need to find out what the next Napoleon is reading!
Pinky Can the next Neopolitan read, Brain?
Brain It’s Napoleon – and of course he can, Pinky! That’s why he’ll be the next Napoleon!
Pinky What does he read?
Brain He reads what every aspiring Napoleon reads: articles about HOW TO TAKE OVER THE SOURCING WORLD!
Pinky But isn’t that a little boring, Brain?
Brain Boring? Just because you have to think a little bit to comprehend the material? That’s not boring. Pinky, I know it might be difficult for you, but for someone who is interested in taking over the sourcing world, it’s intoxicating!
Pinky But will lots and lots of Neopoliticals read it?
Brain It doesn’t matter, Pinky. As long as a few of the Napoleons click through, that’s all we need. Because they are the grains of wheat that we need to help us take over the sourcing world, they’re worth more to us than the tons of chaff that the other sites get.
Pinky What’s “chaff”, Brain?
Brain Precisely, Pinky. Precisely.

Pinky and the Brain
They’re Pinky and the Brain
Yes, Pinky and the Brain
One is a genius, the other is insane
They’re advertising guys
Their mind is on the prize
They’re dinky
They’re Pinky and the Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain,
Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain

Before each night is done
Their plan will be unfurled
By the dawning of the sun
Take over the sourcing world

They’re Pinky and the Brain
Yes, Pinky and the Brain
Their twilight campaign
Is easy to explain
To prove their sourcing grace
They’ll overthrow the space
They’re dinky
They’re Pinky and the Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain,
Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain, NARF!